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Broken toes, twisted testicles, and Spaghettios

Jul 8, 2009, 12:58 PM EDT

Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune notes that perhaps Ryan Dempster’s broken toe is actually the dugout’s revenge for Carlos Zambrano beating up the Gatorade machine
last month. And in the spirit of busting your toe while trying to
celebrate a victory, Sullivan also passes along 10 “of the more foolish
Cubs injuries in history”:

1. Sammy Sosa went on the disabled list with back spasms after sneezing.

2. Kerry Wood injured his back while slipping in his hot tub.

3. Jose Cardenal couldn’t play one day because he said his eyelids were swollen shut when he woke up.

4. Zambrano suffered an elbow injury the Cubs said was related to spending too much time on his laptop.

5. Alfonso Soriano strained a calf while making a hop during a catch, though he denied the two were related.

6. Mike Harkey injured his knee while turning a cartwheel on the field before a game.

7. Kyle Farnsworth injured a knee after kicking an electric fan in the tunnel between the clubhouse and the dugout.

8. Steve Trout went on the disabled list after falling off an exercise bike.

9. Felix Pie twisted a testicle in spring training.

10. Mike Remlinger sprained his pinkie finger when he got it caught between two recliners while relaxing in the Cubs clubhouse.

Normally this is where I’d make a snarky comment about swollen
eyelids or twisted testicles, but two months ago I burned both of my
hands–to the point that the skin was bubbling off and the marks are
still somewhat visible–while trying to transport a bowl of Spaghettios
from the kitchen to the couch. Seriously. Life is dangerous, people.
Wear a helmet.

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