By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:36:56 +0000

You know what I think? I think the Cubs’ “curse” is actually a subtle brain disease caused by a communicable prion, like kuru – except you don’t have to eat an infected brain to get it (a pathogen that vectored among professional athletes in that manner would become extinct very quickly). Goats carry all kinds of prions; that’s why the crazy bastards eat things like tin cans and make the same noises as sheep. A prion would appear practically microbial even to a virus, so I expect that something that tiny can probably be spread just by smelling the piles of athletic supporters in the canvas laundry sack every day for seven months. No matter how many times the team personnel turns over, there will always be at least one Cub from the last patch who will keep tossing his jock strap on the pile and renewing the cycle of infection.
So here’s what I suggest: trade away everyone on the team, including the manager, trainers, coaches and maintenance personnel. Disinfect the clubhouse completely with Vikane and scrub down the walls and floors with Clorox. Hold a re-entry draft for the sole purpose of restocking the Cubs and beginning with a clean slate, with the provision that absolutely no one who has ever been a Cub before, and would therefore be carrying the prion, is picked for the team.
Not only would the Cubs be clear of the curse – and really, who believes in crap like that anymore anyway? Certainly not Red Sox fans! – but the team management would have succeeded in infecting all the other teams in both leagues and leveling the playing field.
Well? You got any better ideas, Cub fans?

Comments on: D'Backs pick up Heilman from Cubs for minor leaguers

By: Old Gator