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Sidney Ponson: the anti-Cy Young

Dec 16, 2009, 5:31 PM EDT

Sidney Ponson.jpgThere are few players I find more loathsome than Sidney Ponson. He’s really the worst of all worlds as a pitcher and a human being. If you’re going to be a drunk, at least be an amiable one. If you’re going to be a jackass, don’t be a drunk. No matter what you do, at least try to care about your job and your appearance and stuff. Ponson has failed on each of these metrics throughout his career, and it drives me nuts. I mean sure, not everyone can be an all-star, but at least everyone can have a little pride, ya know?

Which makes me happy to see Ponson getting the honor he deserves: the anti-Cy Young Award for the 2000s, as bestowed by ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick:

The people closest to Ponson have always characterized him as more of a wayward rogue than a bad person at heart. Because of his immense talent, he grew accustomed to finding a new opportunity around every corner.

“If teams keep calling my agent, then I have a chance,” Ponson said during the spring of 2007. “The day the phone calls stop, then I don’t have a chance anymore.”

Just a hunch, Sidney, but the phone has probably stopped ringing. In lieu of a Cy Young Award, you’ll have to settle for this.

I’m not buying the rogue business. Rogues tend to be annoying when around but they are usually spoken of warmly once they’re gone and no longer bothering people on a day-to-day basis. Rogues can be appreciated from a distance. Ponson has been hated everywhere he’s been, and I’ve never heard of anyone from his former teams telling roguish, Bill Brasky-style tales of his exploits.  They’re just happy he’s gone.

  1. Funzo - Dec 16, 2009 at 5:40 PM

    I trust you enjoyed the irony in that third link, with Texas cutting ties with Ponson for being a team distraction and replacing him on the roster with Vicente Padilla.

  2. YankeesfanLen - Dec 16, 2009 at 5:49 PM

    Don’t show him in pinstripes, unless they’re vertical and he’s in the dipsy dumpster behind a bordella in Bayonne.

  3. Ryan - Dec 16, 2009 at 6:19 PM

    I can’t believe Jason Johnson didn’t get an honorable mention.

  4. Wells - Dec 16, 2009 at 6:50 PM

    Get this. Sidney Ponson’s standing right between me and my daughter at her wedding. He’s got no right to be there, but he’s drunk and he’s Ponson! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Ponson! We spend the weekend in the Poconos – he loves me like I’ve never been loved before!

  5. Wells - Dec 16, 2009 at 6:53 PM

    Did I ever tell you? Ponson once had sex with a cigarette machine!!
    Ponson got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak!

  6. DSFC - Dec 16, 2009 at 10:34 PM

    Good God, Craig, I know you hate us Yankee fans, but Snacks Pontoon was only a Yankee for 21 games over 2 non-consecutive seasons! Why do we get stuck with his picture?

  7. Van - Dec 18, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    Listen, if the guy wasn’t overweight, people wouldn’t be as hard on him. I do think there is a double standard when it comes to baseball players who are overweight and talented…if they play well, people don’t care and praise them. If they play poorly or not up to their potential…it’s ALL about the weight and how uncommitted they are. This is bs…some of the greatest players have been slobs…Babe? How about David Wells? Sabathia has the biggest ass I’ve ever seen but no one get’s on his case. Some of the fittest perfectly toned out players out there spend years on the DL list…Sid spent weeks at the most. Wells preformed for years and you couldn’t drag him off the field…hungover or not. But yet, one back injury and everyone harasses him for his weight as if that’s the reason for it. As if there aren’t 30 other players on the DL for back injuries?? I’ve played sports all my life and in my 30’s…I’m constantly dealing with injuries and I’m actually in shape. For Sid’s personal life…geez, who cares…people are pricks for judging him…how self righteous and pointless. One of his DUI was for “driving too slow”. He’s made some serious mistakes to say the least but so did Tiger…again…and again….and again…but he still preformed. Sid is probably a hot head when it comes to jack-ass fans but who here wouldn’t be if in his position. I’ve been to games…I’ve been to sports bars….full or morons who played HS or college baseball and somehow think we should listen to what they have to say. He’s not an angel but he’s also not Madeoff or Kenneth Lay. So, as I’m not a fan of Sidney, he still has/had tremendous talent and it’s a shame that all the stuff that happened off the field got in the way of his career. He could of been one of the greats…99% of the rest of the population will never have anything near his talent and we have to remind ourselves of that. We couldn’t last one inning out there in the bigs….sorry my friends, there is a reason they paid him and other like him millions. Get over yourselves.

  8. Grant - Dec 18, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    Sidney Ponson is clearly not a rogue. There’s no way his DEX is high enough, and I’d like to see him try to Hide in Shadows, much less to Move Silently.

  9. Craig Calcaterra - Dec 18, 2009 at 4:00 PM

    That may be the geekiest comment of the month. Thank you, Grant, for adding your high charisma to this blog. You have made your saving throw for awesome.

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