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Annie and Nuke break up

Dec 24, 2009, 9:30 AM EDT

It’s Christmas Eve, so there isn’t a lot of real baseball news happening, so forgive me for delving into quasi-quasi-quasi baseball news.  The news: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, who met on the set of my most favoritist baseball movie of all time, have broken up after 22 years together as a couple. Such a shame. Among the reasons for their breakup:

1. She got wooly and he wouldn’t try a little tenderness;

2. Lollygagging;

3. Robbins had been living a lie; he never liked Walt Whitman;

4. If you’re young and in love and you let fungus grow on your shower shoes, your girlfriend thinks you’re colorful. After you’ve been together for 20 years, she’ll just think you’re a slob;

5. Sarandon got mad at Robbins “respecting the streak,” if you know what I mean;

6. Sarandon’s rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics and her failure, within the framework of the realtionship, to be monogamous;

7. No real reason, actually: it was just a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing.

8. A relationship may be like a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the
fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.

9. Robbins never learned that you shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.

10. While they shared some values, Robbins, unlike Sarandon, believed in the top of a woman’s back, the cut fastball, cheese, cheap bourbon and really enjoyed the novels of Susan Sontag. He believed that the mob and the CIA killed Kennedy. While not a fan of Astroturf and the designated hitter, he’s really a staunch federalist and believed that those are matters best left to the states. He believed in hitting it off the end of the bat, hard-core pornography, opening his presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning and he believed
in short, pecky little kisses that were over with quickly and allowed you to get on with your next three days.

Oh well. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains.

  1. YankeesfanLen - Dec 24, 2009 at 10:22 AM

    Always fun to have a Christmas Eve tradition. My favorite is the clasic Steven Spielberg masterpiece “Used Cars”. Trust Me.
    Then again, was a Thanksgiving Eve rite years ago to watch mini-monster truck arena races on ESPN (back then the sole outlet) while waiting for traffic on the Kennedy die down.

  2. Old Gator - Dec 24, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    I agree, despite your slavish devotion to the Borg. The immortal Jack Warden (whose career survived playing the retarded Benjy in the Martin Ritt production of William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury, opposite Yule Brynner as Jason (Compson, but he might as well have been the other one) in a toupee and sporting the most horrific attempt at a Mississippi patois over his thick as molasses in winter Russian accent, a film with the possible exception of Roberto Benigni’s Pinocchio the worst movie ever made by someone who was neither Ed Wood Jr. nor Lars Von Trier), gave his alltime greatest performance in Used Cars, a film rivalled for holiday viewing devoid of cheap sentiment only by Bad Santa.

  3. NatsNut - Dec 24, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    …Or maybe he stopped breathing through his eyes.

  4. APBA Guy - Dec 24, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    – he never forgave her for playing Janet in “Rocky Horror Picture Show”
    – or she caught him reading and chuckling over each comment in a Red Sox/Yankees fan-boy moron-a-thon (see “Jason Bay” below)

  5. Tim - Dec 24, 2009 at 1:27 PM

    Ha Ha,funny stuff,”He said sarcastically”. Loved “Used Cars”; wouldn’t get caught dead watching “The Sound and the Fury” or anything even closely related to it. It took 22 years for Tim to awaken from his coma and realise that Susan is much older than himself. Damn that Lasik eye surgery.

  6. Barlow - Dec 24, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    Just goes to show you, the first 22 years are the hardest!!

  7. Just an Okie - Dec 24, 2009 at 4:15 PM

    Perhaps they just got tired of each others “political Opinions”?

  8. Old Gator - Dec 24, 2009 at 7:00 PM

    Reminds me of the very elderly couple who came in to see a divorce lawyer and asked him to handle their divorce. The lawyer was surprised. How long have you been married, he asked. Sixty seven years, they responded. Well after so many years why would you want to get divorced now, he asked. We wanted to wait until the children were dead, the wife replied.

  9. Alan - Dec 24, 2009 at 7:12 PM

    Just wanna third the endorsement of “Used Cars,” though a small correction: Spielberg just produced it. It was directed by Bob Zemeckis, once a fine filmmaker who is responsible for those recent motion-capture monstrosities. I forgive him a lot because of “Used Cars” however.

  10. Mike Treder - Dec 24, 2009 at 11:30 PM

    Even something as perfectly seductive as a garter strap on a guy can lose its magic after 22 years…

  11. Old Gator - Dec 25, 2009 at 9:56 AM

    Used Cars also contained Kurt Russel’s most memorable performance in and around vehicles until he ran away with Death Proof as Stuntman Mike. The hood of the black pickup with the skull and crossbones at the end of Used Cars, lest anyone notice, is the same as the hood of his killer car in the Tarantino work – the one in which you needed to be sitting where he was to get the benefit of it.
    I often feel the same way about this blog.

  12. Disappointed - Dec 25, 2009 at 6:04 PM

    Well, damn…I really had hopes that this was one Hollywood union that would last. Love them both. Damnation. I’m bummed for Christmas. Last year (or year before?) it was James Brown. Now the union of these two is deceased. You live long enough, it all passes. Sigh.

  13. Slurve - Dec 25, 2009 at 6:36 PM

    Um, he stopped bringing the heat?
    If they really broke up last summer and we’re just finding out about it now, he obviously had no intention of announcing his departure with authority.
    As his protege Clint “Nuke” Nageotte once proclaimed, in a 2004 pre-game interview with Mariners broadcaster Rick Rizzs, “It’s 60 feet, 6 inches in every ballpark in America. You just gotta go out there and do the job.”
    Or get traded(in).

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