Dec 24, 2009, 9:30 AM EDT
It’s Christmas Eve, so there isn’t a lot of real baseball news happening, so forgive me for delving into quasi-quasi-quasi baseball news. The news: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, who met on the set of my most favoritist baseball movie of all time, have broken up after 22 years together as a couple. Such a shame. Among the reasons for their breakup:
1. She got wooly and he wouldn’t try a little tenderness;
3. Robbins had been living a lie; he never liked Walt Whitman;
4. If you’re young and in love and you let fungus grow on your shower shoes, your girlfriend thinks you’re colorful. After you’ve been together for 20 years, she’ll just think you’re a slob;
5. Sarandon got mad at Robbins “respecting the streak,” if you know what I mean;
6. Sarandon’s rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics and her failure, within the framework of the realtionship, to be monogamous;
7. No real reason, actually: it was just a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing.
8. A relationship may be like a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the
fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.
9. Robbins never learned that you shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
10. While they shared some values, Robbins, unlike Sarandon, believed in the top of a woman’s back, the cut fastball, cheese, cheap bourbon and really enjoyed the novels of Susan Sontag. He believed that the mob and the CIA killed Kennedy. While not a fan of Astroturf and the designated hitter, he’s really a staunch federalist and believed that those are matters best left to the states. He believed in hitting it off the end of the bat, hard-core pornography, opening his presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning and he believed
in short, pecky little kisses that were over with quickly and allowed you to get on with your next three days.
Oh well. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains.
- Carlos Gomez diagnosed with sprained wrist 1
- Michael Wacha to start Thursday for the Cardinals 3
- We’re not going to pretend that Bo Porter had no idea what he was getting into, are we? 49
- And That Happened: Monday’s scores and highlights 50
- The Cardinals have moved ahead of the Brewers for first place in the National League Central 34
- No-hitter! Four Phillies pitchers combine to blank the Braves 61
- Bo Porter fired by the Astros 56
- Settling the Score: Sunday’s results — and a reminder of what Labor Day is all about 48
- Could women play major league baseball? Sure. Right now, though, the deck is stacked against them. (221)
- Albert Pujols plays the “you never played the game!” card (104)
- Great Moments in Drug Testing and Punishment: The NFL Edition (101)
- Baseball is dying, you guys, because no one would recognize Mike Trout in a bar (76)
- And That Happened: Thursday’s scores and highlights (75)