Jan 1, 2010, 4:45 PM EDT
I’m kinda mad I didn’t think of this bit myself, but FanHouse’s Matt Snyder does a pretty good job of it, so I’ll get over it:
Once the clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns to a new year,
millions of people decide they are going to change something about
themselves that they could just change on their own any other day of
the year. It’s a good excuse to make it seem like you are improving
yourself. Why should the 30 major league baseball teams be any
different? We can have some fun with this. Here’s my quick resolution
for each of them . . .
I can get on board with most of them. Well, maybe not the one where the Cardinals resolve to get Albert Pujols liquored up and trick him into signing a lifetime extension. I think the Cardinals have had enough trouble with alcohol over the years to where maybe hypnotism or subliminal messages would be better.
And the one in which the Mariners resolve to teach Milton Bradley accountability is a bit of a reach as well. They’re just going to cut the dude if he acts up, so why waste the time?
Finally, the Twins’ resolution to teach Joe Mauer third base should probably be chucked right now. It didn’t work for Johnny Bench, why would it work for Mauer? Sign him to a long term deal. Catch him until his knees give out. Move him to DH. Enjoy a nice sunny day in Cooperstown with him in about 20 years.
But happy new year anyway.
- Reds finally shut down Devin Mesoraco seven weeks after hip injury, surgery may be needed 5
- Mike Napoli continues to kill the Angels 7
- Brian Matusz suspended eight games for a foreign substance 17
- Settling the Scores: Memorial Day Edition 58
- Giants designate Casey McGehee for assignment 26
- Yan Gomes returns to the Indians’ lineup after missing six weeks with a sprained right knee 0
- Marlins jump in Clevelander pool after snapping losing streak 22
- Settling the Score: Saturday’s results 19
- And That Happened: Wednesday’s scores and highlights (133)
- Bryce Harper on Marvin Hudson ejection: “I don’t think 40,000 people came to watch him ump” (132)
- Bryce Harper ejected for second time in a week (122)
- And That Happened: Tuesday’s scores and highlights (101)
- And That Happened: Thursday’s scores and highlights (96)