Jan 1, 2010, 4:45 PM EDT
I’m kinda mad I didn’t think of this bit myself, but FanHouse’s Matt Snyder does a pretty good job of it, so I’ll get over it:
Once the clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns to a new year,
millions of people decide they are going to change something about
themselves that they could just change on their own any other day of
the year. It’s a good excuse to make it seem like you are improving
yourself. Why should the 30 major league baseball teams be any
different? We can have some fun with this. Here’s my quick resolution
for each of them . . .
I can get on board with most of them. Well, maybe not the one where the Cardinals resolve to get Albert Pujols liquored up and trick him into signing a lifetime extension. I think the Cardinals have had enough trouble with alcohol over the years to where maybe hypnotism or subliminal messages would be better.
And the one in which the Mariners resolve to teach Milton Bradley accountability is a bit of a reach as well. They’re just going to cut the dude if he acts up, so why waste the time?
Finally, the Twins’ resolution to teach Joe Mauer third base should probably be chucked right now. It didn’t work for Johnny Bench, why would it work for Mauer? Sign him to a long term deal. Catch him until his knees give out. Move him to DH. Enjoy a nice sunny day in Cooperstown with him in about 20 years.
But happy new year anyway.
- Source: Josh Hamilton rejected a trade to a National League team because he wanted to go back to Texas 12
- Deal done: Josh Hamilton traded to the Texas Rangers for cash considerations 25
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal 349
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights 84
- Alex Rodriguez hits 659th career home run, now one shy of tying Willie Mays 54
- Max Scherzer doubtful for next start due to thumb injury 5
- Protesters converge on Oriole Park at Camden Yards 149
- It sure sounds like Adam Wainwright suffered a torn Achilles tendon on Saturday night 44
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal (349)
- Comment of the Day: do not underestimate the seriousness of the anti-DH crowd (180)
- The early leaders in MLB’s “Franchise Four” thing have been announced (166)
- The Royals and White Sox had a benches-clearing fracas, five players ejected (161)
- Protesters converge on Oriole Park at Camden Yards (149)