Jan 1, 2010, 4:45 PM EDT
I’m kinda mad I didn’t think of this bit myself, but FanHouse’s Matt Snyder does a pretty good job of it, so I’ll get over it:
Once the clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns to a new year,
millions of people decide they are going to change something about
themselves that they could just change on their own any other day of
the year. It’s a good excuse to make it seem like you are improving
yourself. Why should the 30 major league baseball teams be any
different? We can have some fun with this. Here’s my quick resolution
for each of them . . .
I can get on board with most of them. Well, maybe not the one where the Cardinals resolve to get Albert Pujols liquored up and trick him into signing a lifetime extension. I think the Cardinals have had enough trouble with alcohol over the years to where maybe hypnotism or subliminal messages would be better.
And the one in which the Mariners resolve to teach Milton Bradley accountability is a bit of a reach as well. They’re just going to cut the dude if he acts up, so why waste the time?
Finally, the Twins’ resolution to teach Joe Mauer third base should probably be chucked right now. It didn’t work for Johnny Bench, why would it work for Mauer? Sign him to a long term deal. Catch him until his knees give out. Move him to DH. Enjoy a nice sunny day in Cooperstown with him in about 20 years.
But happy new year anyway.
- Angels announce ALDS rotation: Jered Weaver in Game 1, Matt Shoemaker for Game 2 0
- Wild Card Game: Giants vs. Pirates lineups 3
- The beauty of belief 30
- MLB to test new pace-of-play rules in the Arizona Fall League — including a pitch clock 36
- Playoff Reset: The National League Wild Card Game 15
- Video: Salvador Perez walks off Royals in Wild Card Game 3
- Small ball prevails … in a 9-8 game 25
- Royals complete thrilling comeback to defeat A’s in the American League Wild Card Game 74
- Hunter Pence dropped a bunch of F-bombs in his postgame speech. Good. (116)
- Barry Bonds discovered to be “glassing” — it’s just as bad as you think (90)
- Derek Jeter’s final game in Yankee Stadium could be cancelled because of rain (85)
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights (85)
- Previewing the 2014 Playoffs (80)