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Comment of the Day: Mike Lowell is a slacker

Jan 8, 2010, 7:08 PM EDT

A reader is not all that impressed with Mike Lowell’s “mission”:

he’s bragging about working out 4 or 5 times a week? I work out 4 or 5 times a week, and I have a full-time+ job and a two year old.  WTF?! No wonder he looked slow out there all year.

Maybe his defense and hitting would improve if he had worked out 4 or 5 or, dare I suggest, 6 times a week last year. Geeeeeezzuuuuuus.

Tough crowd.

  1. ochocinco - Jan 8, 2010 at 7:23 PM

    I’m pretty sure most pro athletes do some sort of workout everyday, especially in the off-season. He gets paid to play sport and most agree that working out helps improve athletic prowess. Even morbidly obese slob David Wells would increase the patty weight of his 3x daily cheeseburger during the off-season to make sure he wouldn’t fall below his “optimum playing weight”. While 4-5 times a week may seem minimal a professional athlete, I’m worried that this may be too much for the fragile Mike Lowell and he is risking injury.

  2. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 7:34 PM

    Despite the innuendos that he left his team (the Feesh at the time) in the lurch on a game day to go “demonstrate” against Janet Reno’s forced termination of the Elian Gonzalez kidnapping, Mike Lowell actually went over to his old gym at FIU and worked out five times. In one day. Me, I weight train three days a week, swim or do aerobics three days a week, and plunge myself face first into a huge vat of penne a la vodka on Sunday. My wife waits until the bubbles stop coming up and pulls me out because I’ve never let her know whether or not my life insurance is paid up. As a result, I have never had a significant athletic injury. I don’t really understand why Lowell’s ligaments are so frangible. I also don’t really understand why he deflated like Reverend Green’s tent in Blood Meridian when he had to start whizzing in a dixie cup. Very little of life ever made much sense to me anyway. I mean, why is there air?

  3. John from Concord - Jan 8, 2010 at 8:18 PM

    A pro athlete’s offseason workout would leave most weekend-warrior types — even those who “work out” 4-5 times a week (for 20-30 min in a franchised Cybex-infected facility, most likely) — gasping for life. Unless they’re doing Crossfit or Ironman-type training, or they’re in an elite military or police unit, most non-pros have absolutely no frame of reference to even comprehend what a full-time athlete does nowadays.

  4. Ryan - Jan 8, 2010 at 8:32 PM

    I think you’re on the CTB staff; no post is complete without your seemingly half-coherent ramblings. They are half the fun of coming here.

  5. ralf - Jan 8, 2010 at 9:50 PM

    First time I’ve seen a Blood Meridian reference in a comment on a baseball blog. Nice.

  6. Moses Green - Jan 8, 2010 at 10:04 PM

    My theory is that the Old Gator is actually Matthew Pouliot’s grandfather, and he hangs around posting because 1) Matt asked him to; 2) like me, he has nothing much better to do during the moments he’s not reading thinking or writing about baseball; and 3) he’s having a blast.
    My 2 cents.

  7. ASmith - Jan 8, 2010 at 10:56 PM

    I have a feeling mike lowell doesn’t mean he is working out 2 hours in the morning each day like the rest of us. My guess is 5-6 hours each day with many different types of workouts.

  8. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 11:53 PM

    My ramblings are in fact fully coherent, but like all the great texts in stream-of-consciousness(for example Finnegan’s Wake, Benjy’s kvetch from The Sound and the Fury, the final chapter of The Universal Baseball Association, J. Henry Waugh, Proprietor, Don’t Crush that Dwarf, hand Me the Pliers, Casey Stengel’s testimony before the Kefauver Committee, and of course Going Rogue), with the exception of that last one, the coherence is to be found at the metaphorical or mythographic level. In the case of Going Rogue, of course, there is no coherence, except at the level of the author’s RNC American Express Card bills from Nieman-Marcus.
    Replying to comment from Ralf: stick around. Got a few oblique references to Suttree in the wings too. And the name of my pet baby pygmy rattlesnake is “Friendo.” And How could it be otherwise? Mere “Fido” would have been beyond right understanding. And….
    Replying to comment from Moses Green: right on two of three counts. This is when I’m reading, writing and thinking about baseball.

  9. Ryan - Jan 9, 2010 at 4:36 AM

    LMAO. Thanks for proving my point.

  10. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 8:11 AM

    I couldn’t be any prouder, it’s just not possible. I had exactly 3 pieces of “evidence”, and not even the great Dirk Gently could have free associated the truth from less.

  11. Old Gator - Jan 9, 2010 at 8:41 AM

    I am convinced that Adams himself free-associated up Gently’s (or was it really “Celizic”, another fat little savant who also free-associates wildly, or haven’t you intuited that yet?) inadvertent Cambridge term-paper synchronicity stunt from Borges’ “Pierre Menard, el Autor de Don Quixote.” Back in 1979 or so, by the way, it became illegal to set yourself on fire and jump off a bridge in Cambridge because Stephen Airey, the ne’er-do-well art student estranged offspring of Inland Revenue chairman Lord Louis Airey, did exactly that in an attempt to raise funds for himself when he was disinherited by his father on suspicion of champagne socialism. Really.
    Come to think of it, didn’t Celizic suddenly appear on MSNBC right about the time that Adams transpired in the middle of the new novel? Which by the way was kind of anticlimactic; if he had any sense of drama left by that point in his career, he would have shuffled off the mortal coil in the middle of one of the BBC Radio shows (thereby out-doing his old pal Dennis Potter, who waited two or three more weeks after his Melvyn Bragg interview), thereby forcing the engineers over in White City to slap in a couple of old Goon Shows to drown out the compressor from the paramedics’ respirator.
    But what of that. The Namaste Yoga girls on on in a couple of minutes, so I gotta go stretch. This is the time I repose from free-association in favor of mere fantasies. Anyone who thinks I’m clearing my mind during this precious daily half-hour respite is as clueless as the Cuban housewives in the parking lot at Publix who thought the little piece of paper I left on the windshield of the car I hit while backing my Hummer out actually contained my name, address and phone number.

  12. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 9:01 AM

    My second guess was that you’re really Skink.
    Reading that little short story is one of the few pieces of Adams’ advice that I have yet to at least try on for size. Now it appears I will have to do so.
    I have never knowingly read a single piece by Celizic.

  13. Old Gator - Jan 9, 2010 at 9:18 AM

    Ah, you are about to discover Borges, then. I envy you. A new addiction is always a cause for celebration, especially this one. It’ll be like the first time you were taken to the Kefauver Commmitte as a little kid to hear Casey. The beer will be much cheaper, though. Incidentally, Borges called his little nuggets ficciones, not “stories.” You will too.
    FYI down here, I go by “Anole,” not Skink. It’s sunshine I crave. We have our native green anole (Anolis carolinensis) and the blunt-nosed anole, which some think is native, but as usual, neocons don’t – suspicious (some would say paranoid) types, them – but we also have scads of non-indigenous anoles. We have bark anoles from the Bahamas, crested anoles from Honduras, ground anoles from Salvador, blue anoles from Bermuda, ground anoles and knight anoles from Cuba, great anoles from Jamaica, and hybrids of all of these.
    And do you know why we have so many anoles here in Miami?

  14. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 9:26 AM

    I do not sir, I do not. But I will hazard a guess that the reason is similar to the reason for the rest of the invasive non-native species that have been introduced in Macondo – to wit, overpopulation, carelessness and flight from the ever-shrinking Everglades.
    Man’s inhumanity to man can sometimes seem trivial when compared to man’s inhumanity to vital ecosystems.

  15. Old Gator - Jan 9, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    Heh heh, not quite.
    It’s because we’re anole retentive.
    On with your day, now….

  16. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 10:03 AM


  17. Richard Dansky - Jan 9, 2010 at 10:43 AM

    Great. Now iguana go home.

  18. Old Gator - Jan 9, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    Macondo’s iguanas are here to stay. This cold spell may kill off a few of them but, of course, it will also select the hardier ones to survive and reproduce.
    I don’t think we’ve been able to get rid of anything that’s settled here so far, actually. Walking catfish. Giant snails. Fire ants. Killer bees. Anoles. Monk parrots. Burmese pythons. Nile monitor lizards. Nutria (which is not a type of granola, FYI). Tokay Geckos. Northern snakehead fish. Mets fans.
    Hell, a few decades ago I recall the County Commission set up a bounty on Danton’s Toad (Bufo decadantus). The bounty was used up in about a month and a half without making a discernible dent in the toad population. We still suffer from REM deprivation during mating season when the goddamned males start cruising the ponds for amplexus and croaking like Seattle grunge band lead vocalists all night. What can you do? Grin and bare it, like any good blogger, I guess.

  19. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    Hee hee
    Snowbird gothic – very catchy.

  20. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    The Danton’s Toad bounty surely misjudged human nature, and the cunning of the Macondo inhabitants. I feel quite certain that many large-scale Danton’s Toad breeding operations opened immediately.

  21. YANKEES1996 - Jan 9, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    Why is this so suprising, they are talking about the workout habits of an extremely mediocre player on the downside of his career. If he had a better outlook on his chosen career and what it took to be great the injury bug likely would not have shown up nearly as often. Pro sports are full of guys like this, have talent and ability but just cannot motivate themselves to do the things they have to do to produce and have better than average careers.
    Ryan – I like reading Old Gators posts, they make my head hurt but I like reading them.

  22. Old Gator - Jan 9, 2010 at 3:01 PM

    Mo – man, I reproach myself for being, wel-l-l, too esoteric for my = and your – own good. Here:

  23. billybill - Jan 9, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    And all this time I thought Mike Lowell was a “stand-up guy”.

  24. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 11:09 PM

    Well well well. The French Revolution. Frenchmen. Frogs. Toads. Danton. Definitely pulled an oblique there. They heal with rest, do heat packs, take 2 aspirin and large doses of Fit TV. You’ll be fine.

  25. Moses Green - Jan 9, 2010 at 11:10 PM

    He is, he is. He’s just not a “sit-up guy”, or a “push-up guy”.

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