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Great Moments in Delusional Thinking

Jan 8, 2010, 7:56 AM EDT

“Our view of it is that with our ballpark coming online, there’s no question in my mind we’re the team of the Americas.”

Florida Marlins’ President David Samson, getting a little too excited about playing a random series in San Juan instead of the Miami suburbs this June.

I’m not at all certain that the Marlins are even the team of the Floridas.

  1. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    Craig, come on. You’ve swallowed the “America’s Team” marketing ideology of the Braves about as credulously as neocons have swallowed their delusion that there’s no global warming. There are two or three thousand Floridians for whom the Feesh are The Team. Let’s try to meet reality head-on, shall we?
    .
    Incidentally, it sounds like Loria let Samson run outside without his collar and tags again.

  2. Craig Calcaterra - Jan 8, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    [as we all wait for Old Gator to come by and offer a few hundred choice words on the Feesh as 'Team of the Americas']

  3. Craig Calcaterra - Jan 8, 2010 at 8:48 AM

    Crap, you beat me by seconds.
    But for the record, I used to find the Braves’ “America’s Team” stuff totally laughable. If broadcasting on TBS makes you “America’s” anything, then “Two Mules for Sister Sara” was “America’s Movie.”

  4. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 9:05 AM

    Yeah, I agree. That’s pretty funny. But frankly, if you view that film metaphorically so that the mules represent Afghanistan and Iraq, you probably could say that for eight miserable years, it was “America’s movie.”
    On the other hand, speaking of our beloved Man with No Name, the Feesh can say the same thing about their payroll that Tuco said about Blondie’s shoot-through-the-noose trick: when that rope gets tight around your neck, you can really feel the Devil bite your ass.
    Or if you want to stretch a point, we can also say with Tuco: where is the man who owns this team? He has curly hair, he won’t spend a nickel, and he’s a peeg.

  5. jrhana - Jan 8, 2010 at 9:21 AM

    Yes the Marlins are not the team of Florida which is one of the reasons they will soon be the Miami Marlins.
    The Yankees, Red Sox, Mets, Cardinals, Cubs, Braves and Phillies all have a bigger fan base in Florida than the Marlins (for now at least).
    But if you travel to the Dominican Republic you will see Marlins gear for sale everywhere you go. My daughter said that she did not even see the gear from a single other team for sale.
    So maybe the team of the Americas concept is not that far fetched.
    Unfortunately the Mets probably have more fans in Puerto Rico however.

  6. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 9:38 AM

    Yep, and after they’ve been the Miami Marlins for a while and the novelty of the stadium wears off and the midweek crowds dwindle down to a few dozen again and all of the teams you mentioned, if they’re smart (this does not include the Mutts), realize that the only reason there are people in the stands and hold Loria up for a bigger share of the gate when they’re visiting, the Feesh will contract again to be the Marlins Between Northwest Seventeenth and Twenty Seventh Avenues and Between Northwest Eleventh Street and Calle Ocho, the latter vector meant to perpetuate their delusion that Latinos would swarm to substandard baseball in Miami. A few years after that, they’ll contract to a singularity and suck the entire goddamned city in – making literal what they did to the county’s finances when they cut their stadium deal.

  7. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 9:48 AM

    Oops, got too enthusiastic about the sound of my own keypad and hit the “submit” button again (and gee, doesn’t that mean “Islam” in English?).
    Anyway, and yeah, I’m happy for the Feesh merch hawkers in the Dominican, and expect to hear any minute now that even the rhinoceros iguanas are wearing Jeff Conine’s old number. But that’s nothing compared to what goes on in Little Havana in the back streets near the Marlins-in-Miami shop on Calle Ocho: the santeras are all wearing Dan Uggla jerseys when they perform their sacrifices (which are constitutionally guaranteed thanks to their pals in Hialeah) because the Feesh are selling the jerseys off so cheaply, they don’t even have to waste money on Winn-Dixie generic laundry detergent to get the goat blood out of them – they can just throw them away when they’ve finished burping up their cabrito.

  8. Tony A - Jan 8, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    Methinks Old Gator is ready for a blog of his own, maybe something like “Loving Loria” or “Fish in a Barrel”. Odin knows, I’d read the damn thing…

  9. Old Gator - Jan 8, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    And considering what all those alpha male mythic guys usually have on their minds, I’d consider it an honor that he let your taste in bloggers even matter to him. Truth is, though, I’m still in training and already have three other publication deadlines staring me in the face. Just don ask me to tweet. I can’t stand those verbal rabbit pellets.

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