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Colbert, Clark, Grace take shots at McGwire

Jan 14, 2010, 7:11 PM EDT

If you think the Mark McGwire steroids saga has been played out, think again.

Reactions just keep rolling in from all sorts of folks like Jack Clark (ban him from baseball!), Mark Grace (why would you do steroids and ruin your sex life?), and Christine Brennan (hey everybody, let’s talk about Pete Rose!)

While each of those three are entertaining and informative in their own way, none of them can match Stephen Colbert, who comes to the conclusion that Barry Bonds’ steroids were better than McGwire’s, and thus will be the first inducted into the Performance Enhancing Hall of Fame.

There’s more, too, so watch and enjoy. (McGwire segment starts at about the 2:38 mark)

 

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sport Report – Gilbert Arenas & Mark McGwire
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  1. PalookaJoe - Jan 14, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Kudos to Grace for talking about the potential drawbacks to PED use. But a little nuance would be wonderful. The (woefully oversimplified) impression I get from most writers, especially those who condemn PED use, is that PEDs are side-effect free wonder drugs that improve most aspects of a player’s game. But only a very bad, or very foolish person, would dare to take them.
    Most articles don’t mention why taking PEDs is a bad idea, so I’m going to go with comic book logic. Turning yourself into a superhero inevitably leads to supervillains. One day, a PED-powered player will launch a home run over the wall and through the skylight of a nearby building, where it will knock an ordinary cat burglar into a vat of Andro. The rest of the story, where the vengeful cat burglar kidnaps the police commissioner’s family and threatens to blow up a hospital, is a foregone conclusion. And who wants that?
    I’m still patiently waiting for someone to talk honestly about steroids. Grace’s comments are a good start, but he mixes everything together, calls them all “steroids” and dismisses them outright. It’s time for someone with a little more knowledge to join the discussion. Lets here about the difference between steroids and other PEDs. Lets talk about their legitimate uses (as someone who occasionally used a steroid inhaler to recover from a respiratory infection, I know they’re out there). And lets definitely talk about the dangers.

  2. Loren - Jan 14, 2010 at 9:19 PM

    Did Mark Grace just admit that he used steroids himself?
    A quote of his from right after the 2001 World Series win:
    “If you only understood how great this is for me. It was better than anything I could’ve imagined. It is better than sex. But then again, I’m kind of lousy at that.”
    http://www.markgrace.com/quotes.html

  3. Graham - Jan 14, 2010 at 9:51 PM

    Stephen Colbert cracks me up… perhaps I ought to tune in again.

  4. Tom - Jan 14, 2010 at 11:35 PM

    That is literally the same plot from The Dark Knight, man. Well, not the vat of Andro part, but the rest of it.

  5. Rays fan - Jan 15, 2010 at 12:17 AM

    Wonder why Jack Clark (& others) want steroid abusers banned–is he jealous that his greenies didn’t help him hit as many homers as McGwire’s anabolic steroids? [Kidding--I've no idea if Clark abused amphetamines or not, but once again, it's just as illegal as steroids are, just as bad for you when abused, and also a PED.]

  6. A Physician - Jan 15, 2010 at 12:36 AM

    The Mayo Clinic has an excellent website that details the health issues with steroids–
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/performance-enhancing-drugs/HQ01105
    Information on side effects from amphetamines (“greenies”) can be found at-
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR602653/DSECTION=side-effects
    Add to it that amphetamines are addicting and can precipitate a heart attack if the individual ODs or has preexisting heart disease.

  7. Old Gator - Jan 15, 2010 at 1:10 AM

    I am a big Mark Grace fan. He’s not nearly as stupid as he looks, and he belongs among the ranks of great ballplayer raconteurs with Jimmy Pearsall, Howard Johnson, Daffy Duck…er…Deany Medwick…uh…and Yogi, father of us all. I know there are some Cubs fans whose impressions have been warped by that prion-vectored neurological disease De Vloek van de Geitbok and think that Gracie is at least as good as Yogi but, as Woody Harrelson remarked of Charles Manson in Natural Born Killers, it’s tough to beat the king.
    .
    Anyway, what I wanted to say was, everyone is taking shots at poor Big Mac these days. In addition to steroids, the Surgeon General says he’s full of sodium, carcinogens and cholesterol. To be honest, it’s such an open season on him lately that I think if Mother Teresa were still alive, she’d run up behind him and brain him with a length of lead pipe.

  8. Larry - Jan 15, 2010 at 1:55 AM

    Mark Grace is an idiot or blind as he watched teammate Luis Gonzalez a 10 year vet who was thin and averaged 15 HRs per year get bigger in front of his eyes and hit 57 HRs in a season. Did he think that Gonzo just hit the weights and became a monster HR hitter. Gonzalez’s increase in HRs during the steroid era was the largest percentage wise in the league.
    If you go back and look at the fact McGuire hit 49 HR in his rookie season in Oakland (still a ML Rookie record), which is one of the toughest parks to hit home runs, it is realistic to belive that if McGuire didn’t use “roids” his home runs would still have increased as he got out of the Oakland’s park. He would have increased his 21 year old 6’6″ 215 lb. rookie frame some by matuation and working out, learned more about the league pitchers, and hit 60 HRs anyway. A 450 foot HR doesn’t count any more than one that travels 425 feet does. They just look a little more impressive. McGuire had a quick and an uppercut HR swing from the start. I don’t care one way or another about whether McGuire makes the HOF, but to say steroids were the reason he hit so many is without merit. He used roids and if that diqualifies him for the HOF in voters eyes, so be it.

  9. eaglealan64 - Jan 15, 2010 at 4:44 AM

    “Sorry videos are not available in your country”
    *sigh*, when will they learn – it’s 2010 for goodness sake.

  10. Josh - Jan 15, 2010 at 6:37 AM

    Mark Grace (Cubs fan, love him, for the record…”CFLHFTR”?): A sex maniac, or THE biggest sex maniac?

  11. BTfronVT - Jan 15, 2010 at 7:06 AM

    Steroids saved baseball. After the strike in 94 nobody was going to ball games, tv ratings were low and Mark Grace and Jack Clark were not going to change that. Not until the summer of ’98 was baseball back (or past) it’s previous attendance which just happens to be the same summer Mac and Sosa went toe to toe do beat the HR record. Now im not saying steroids are good or anything, or that these guys should get a pat on the back but i wonder were baseball would be without the summer of drugs.

  12. Jim Burns - Jan 15, 2010 at 7:50 AM

    This is the best information I have found thanks.

  13. Skids - Jan 15, 2010 at 8:40 AM

    This Colbert guy and Comedy Central are a bunch of jerks. Their brand of comedy is not funny. I never watch that station because, frankly, they attack Conservatives and not liberals, as is typical of Hollywood. Jon Stewart is the biggest a**hole on the station. It’s really a shame that so many young people admit they get their “news” from him, that’s how far as a country we’ve come down to.

  14. BTfromVT - Jan 15, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    Yea, I hear that Rush guy is very nice, not a jerk at all, its a shame so many old people get their news from a pill popping drug addict.

  15. Moses Green - Jan 15, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    You forgot the part where Mother Teresa would take his money and give it straight to the Vatican whilst endeavoring to keep the masses in poverty. According to her, poverty is a virtue and raising people out of poverty would make them less virtuous.
    For anyone who still believes that she was perfect and holy in every way, I invite you to click the bold Moses Green above and to the left.

  16. Joey B - Jan 15, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    “I don’t care one way or another about whether McGuire makes the HOF, but to say steroids were the reason he hit so many is without merit. He used roids and if that diqualifies him for the HOF in voters eyes, so be it.”
    He was a good 1B at age 30 with 238 career HRs and a .250 average. He averaged 1 HR per 14 ABs. Maybe if he continues playing until 36, with modest declines each year de to aging, maybe, maybe he ends his career with 450 HRs and a .240-.245. He might have drawn comparisons to Jason Bay.
    However, after having discovered the fountain of youth, he averaged 1 HR per 8.2 ABs. His OPS went from .869, slightly above average for a 1B, to 1.113. It’s beyond belief that you think there is no merit in saying the PEDs improved him.

  17. Old Gator - Jan 15, 2010 at 9:12 AM

    Leave not one steenkin’ hero(ine) standing. And knock those pedestals over too; we need more landfill.
    .
    Personally, I already admired Mother Teresa for her tireless campaign against birth control, her deep conviction that marital relations be kept natural in a country where monumental overpopulation and nonexistent hygiene routinely led to other perfectly natural phenomena like typhoid outbreaks, the easy mutation of leprosy bacillae into all sorts of resistant but spiritually edifying strains and occasional epic famines. Bless her sweet cusp-of-beatification little heart, she had the privilege of dying on the same day as Princess Di. Well, at least in the latter case, that was one less bullet the revolution would have wasted in the courtyard.

  18. Old Gator - Jan 15, 2010 at 9:16 AM

    But keep in mind that Colbert’s popularity indicates how many people find conservatives funny in the first place. It’s just that they’re so humorless, sanctimonious and dull on the surface that you need a professional satirist to pull back the veil and expose the absurdity behind it. On the other hand, do you really need a professional comedian to point out the humor in liberals?

  19. Arizona Buckeye - Jan 15, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    Get a grip skids – these are comedy shows on a COMEDY NETWORK. If you don’t watch the shows like you state, then why are you still p!ssing and moaning about their content? My guess is that you are a humorless soul that believes Rush Limpballs, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity are truthful and that Fox Noise is actually unbiased news reporting

  20. Paul in KY - Jan 15, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    Skids, when I’m yucking it up with Steve tonight as he ably skewers another RWA, I’ll think of your post & smile.

  21. Skids - Jan 15, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    Actually, BT, I don’t get anything from Rush either. I do my own reading and draw my own conclusions, unlike you mindless liberal drones. I guess the fact that conservatives are funny is great, it at least makes people think a little.
    Arizona Buckeye, at least Fox tells both sides of a story and doesn’t wait three days to report it, that is, unless it’s something heavily slanted to the left so the MSM can report it.
    Good one, Old Gator. You’re right, no one has to point out the humor in liberals. I guess stupidity is in itself very funny.

  22. Moses Green - Jan 15, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    “Fox tells both sides of a story”
    Puts me in a mind of the great line from the Blues Brothers
    – What kind of music you have here?
    – We got BOTH kinds, Country AND Western.
    Thank you very much, we’re the “Good Old … Blues Brothers … Boys”

  23. Skids - Jan 15, 2010 at 3:11 PM

    Yes, and liberals remind me of a line in “The Outlaw Josey Wales.”
    “Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.”

  24. Moses Green - Jan 15, 2010 at 4:08 PM

    Nononono Skids, my man, you don’t understand. After you say “Fox tells both sides of a story” no one cares what you have to say after that little gem. I was so hopeful that you were making some sort of complicated joke, but you really seem to think that “Fox tells both sides of a story.” You can throw out a thousand funny quotes from movies, but you just said “Fox tells both sides of a story” so no one cares. You can make fun of liberals until the cows come home, but you just said “Fox tells both sides of a story” so no one will laugh.
    By the way, The Outlaw Josey Wales is older than the skids in your underpants.

  25. udayton - Jan 15, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    Yeah you’re right it’s really a shame that so many young people admit they get their “news” from Jon Stewart especially when they could be getting it from Sarah “Isn’t Africa a Country?” Palin

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