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The Hugo Chavez All-Stars

Feb 12, 2010, 2:20 PM EDT

If I was El Presidente I’d do this kind of stuff all the time:

President Hugo Chavez and several members of his Cabinet took to the
field yesterday for a slow-pitch softball game with some of Venezuela’s
past and present major leaguers.

Among the players on hand were Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez, Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus and former Reds shortstop David Concepcion . . .

. . . The president then pitched two innings and allowed seven runs.
Rodriguez, who finished his first season as a Met with 35 saves and 73
strikeouts, gave up 11 runs during three innings.

I suppose it’s possible that Hugo Chavez has better stuff than K-Rod, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the hitters were laying off Chavez’s pitches a bit. I mean, spring training starts next week and no one wants to miss it because they’re in some secret jail in a non-descript building in the outskirts of Caracas, do they?

Anyway, like I said, if I was the president I’d be calling for these kinds of command performances, like, weekly. I mean it’s not like Will Clark and Eric Davis have anything better to do. 

  1. BC - Feb 12, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    In other news, the Mets have signed Fidel Castro to a one-year deal with a player option for 2011. Terms were not disclosed.

  2. TF in Tampa - Feb 12, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    You mean to tell me all those ballplayers weren’t given at least 1 Monopoly get out of jail free card? Or you can look at it as K-Rod knows the value of Job Security.

  3. moreflagsmorefun - Feb 12, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    They should sign Tony Pena catch, the Yankees wouldn’t care.

  4. BC - Feb 12, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    Chavez probably ordered them to play or otherwise he’d burn their houses down and have them caned or whatever it is they do for torture in Venezuela.

  5. Jack Meoffer - Feb 12, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    Francisco Rodriguez should of thrown the softball at that communist pigs head. Chavez is a tyrant. The media has been shut down and many businesses have been taken over. Not just the oil industry and banks. Chavez’ day is coming. His days are numbered.

  6. jwb - Feb 12, 2010 at 3:57 PM

    “You mean to tell me all those ballplayers weren’t given at least 1 Monopoly get out of jail free card?”
    Being a former baseball player didn’t seem to do Ugueth Urbina any good (Sorry Craig, I couldn’t find an NBC link with the sentencing information).,2933,261984,00.html

  7. Ryan - Feb 12, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    See, THIS is why we need an international draft!

  8. TF in Tampa - Feb 12, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    Or Chavez sends the lot of them into Columbia armed with only water pistols, an old WWII compass, and no bug spray with orders to bring back the ‘Numero Ono’ leader of the Bogota Cocaine Cartel, of course the whole time keeping their wives and girlfriends hostage for his own pleasures, rat bastard that he is.

  9. Old Gator - Feb 12, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    Except that he’s still the most popular politician in Venezuela by a long shot and every poll still shows him winning any election by an enormous majority. And of course we’ve been listening to the wishful thinking of knee-jerk neoconmen and assorted right wingnuts for decades predicting that Castro’s day was coming, any day now, for what, nearly forty five years now? If Chavez’ day is coming the same way, it must be riding in on a tectonic plate (ordinarily I’d say it was riding in on a glacier, but they’re all melting due to nonexistent global warning). Sorry, folks; we might wish everyone else on the planet shared our values and thought like us, but they don’t. The sooner we figure that out, the sooner we’ll regain some of the international respect that drooling imbecile from Texas cost us during his eight catastrophic years of misrule.
    Old Gator replies to message from BC: they’re forced to sit in a small room with a wide screen TV set and watch endless reruns of Alo Presidente.

  10. spiro - Feb 12, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    Thank you. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
    Is Chavez a jerk? Sure. Is Venezuela better off with him in charge as opposed to some American-backed (read: controlled) Karzai-esque stooge? I’d figure yes.

  11. TF in Tampa - Feb 12, 2010 at 5:57 PM

    Your on the case there Inspector Clouseau, but something tells me your closer to this story than how it appears. Needless to say, he claims he’s innocent, was sleeping at the time. What gives?
    BTW, my 1st line statement was meant to be sarcastic, even though its said that ‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’.
    [Funny how it seems to work so well all around this blog]

  12. Old Gator - Feb 12, 2010 at 11:01 PM

    I’ve been doing research into sarcasm ever since I lost my grant from the National Endowment for the Clueless to work with the more expensive and unstable cynicism.
    Cynicism, as you know, is enriched sarcasm, so I was able to sell off the vapor lockers I couldn’t afford to use anymore to Iran for beer money and continue to conduct my unspeakable experiments with sarcasm in my own basement. Tom Waits’ track from Mule Variations, “What’s He Building in There, was actually based upon my work (just as his tune, “Better off Without a Wife,” was based on my first wife). My lawyers will be in touch with him soon enough.

  13. TF in Tampa - Feb 13, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    And cynicism, as you also know, is instilled in all of us, its just a matter of relativity and its forces rearing its ugly head. Like in our evil twin personalities, they’re inside us all, just how and when, and under what circumstances, do we allow them to surface.
    Now regarding that Waits tune, “Better off Without a Wife”, you did not heed your own message. Did you not jump back into the marriage game again under your own recognizance, or did you rewrite the title to read, “Better off With a Wife”?
    BTW, where are you now? And how goes the lecture circut? We missed your daily words of wisdom there for a day or two.

  14. Old Gator - Feb 13, 2010 at 5:36 PM

    Still in beautiful sunny but cold Albuquerque, from whence I must recommend the stuffed sopapillas at Garcia’s Cafe in Old Town – I got the rather more incendiary red chile today after a week of the green – in addition to the green chile stew I recommended two days ago. Also, the peppered turkey brisket at the County Line BBQ on the north side of the big bend on Tramway is superb, and you can’t leave that place without having the homemade bread pudding and caramel ice cream for dessert. Oh, and the cappuccino milkshake at the Route 66 Diner on Central, just south of the university, is a must as well.
    The conference is over, but was great fun: eleven sessions on the Dead, six on Cormac McCarthy, a bunch on ecological literature wherein old favorite Annie Dillard was discussed, a couple on Kerouac and Holmes, and a couple on sports where, hysterically, I heard myself referred to by a couple of women sitting behind me. Once I got a look at them, though, I saw no advantage in identifying myself (speaking of remarrying).
    You’re right about Waits. He is my thought provoker and entertainer, but he is not my teacher. Much as I love him, I have to be circumspect about anyone who would appear in the execrable Book of Eli. Anyway, I married a stand-up comedian from London the second time, which is what I should have done the first time. She’s British, yes, but Monty Python British as opposed to, say, Sloanie British. She will tolerate with a smile my spending Valentine’s Day flying home from New Mexico. Tonight, meanwhile, me n’ a couple of hale colleagues head up to a great little cafe in Corrales for dinner.

  15. TF in Tampa - Feb 14, 2010 at 9:17 AM

    Well your gastrointestional system must be getting a good workout these days, with all that foreign matter your ingesting. My preference would be with the turkey brisket and bread pudding.
    I’m happy to hear you found a good mate, humerous, patiently waiting, Brit wife, and yes they make the best partners, good choice.
    Off to Sarasota with my Valentine for a nice Sunday drive and lunch overlooking the water near St. Armands Circle. Hope you have a non-eventful flight back to Macondo. Later.

  16. Old Gator - Feb 14, 2010 at 10:10 PM

    Speaking of Sarasota, ever get over to The Broken Egg over by the beach for breakfast? World class pancakes, right up there with the strawberry pancakes at Mannie’s in Albuquerque.

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