Feb 18, 2010, 8:58 AM EST
It has been established that ballparks which have recently died have been
returning to life and committing acts of baseball murder. A widespread
investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and domes has concluded
that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking baseball
victims. It’s hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does
seem to be a fact:
Due to sub-freezing temperatures and snow in the forecast this weekend, the
Kansas baseball team will open the 2010 season on Monday, Feb. 22
against Eastern Michigan with a doubleheader at the Metrodome in
Minneapolis, Minn. at 5 p.m.
Query: how bad would the weather need to be in a hypothetical Twins playoff series before they broke out the Metrodome contingency plan? Given the revenues the new joint stands to draw — hot chocolate will probably cost $9 a cup — I have to imagine that the threshhold would be really, really high, but you have to assume that the scenario has entered into someone’s mind.
My view: nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
- Rockies acquire Brett Anderson from A’s 8
- D’backs, Angels, White Sox agree to three-team Mark Trumbo deal 59
- Ranking MLB managers by . . . handsomeness 69
- Curtis Granderson: “A lot of people have told me real New Yorkers are Mets fans” 57
- The Phillies have told teams they’d trade Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels 53
- Robinson Cano agrees to $240 million deal with Mariners (260)
- Report: Mariners willing to offer Robinson Cano a 10-year, $240 million deal (143)
- Report: Yankees have agreed to a three-year deal with Carlos Beltran (125)
- Brett Gardner is drawing “significant” trade interest (112)
- Robinson Cano “didn’t want to play” for Joe Girardi (110)