Skip to content

They're still playing baseball in the Metrodome

Feb 18, 2010, 8:58 AM EDT

Metrodome 2.JPGIt has been established that ballparks which have recently died have been
returning to life and committing acts of baseball murder. A widespread
investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and domes has concluded
that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking baseball
victims. It’s hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does
seem to be a fact
:

Due to sub-freezing temperatures and snow in the forecast this weekend, the
Kansas baseball team will open the 2010 season on Monday, Feb. 22
against Eastern Michigan with a doubleheader at the Metrodome in
Minneapolis, Minn. at 5 p.m.

Query: how bad would the weather need to be in a hypothetical Twins playoff series before they broke out the Metrodome contingency plan?  Given the revenues the new joint stands to draw — hot chocolate will probably cost $9 a cup — I have to imagine that the threshhold would be really, really high, but you have to assume that the scenario has entered into someone’s mind.

My view: nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  1. Mark - Feb 18, 2010 at 9:42 AM

    I played D-III baseball in MN and the dome gets tons of use from college teams in Feb and March. Nearly 24-hour a day use, in fact. We played a doubleheader that started around midnight. I took the mound in relief in the 2nd game at 3:30 am. The game ended around 4:30, we got back to campus around 7 am and I was in class by 8:30.

  2. Jack Meoffer - Feb 18, 2010 at 9:45 AM

    Even though they shared it with a football team, and idea I always hated (bad seats mostly for baseball), how come they always had a trash bag for the right field wall. During the season I am sure they could of had a sturdier, better looking, and temporary wall than that glad bag. It was still better than the old Shea. Shea stadium was by far the worst baseball stadium of all time. Worse than Olympic Stadium in Montreal, the Kingdom in Seattle, and the Metrodome. Nothing worse than in field level seats on the 3rd base line at Shea but your seat was pointed at center-field. You would have a back ache by the 2nd inning and lost all interest in the game after that. They still screwed up with the new Citifield. From what I have heard there are even more obstructed view seats than Shea ever had. If you are in left field behind that wall you cannot see major chunks of the field. And in other parts it’s even worse. But that’s the Mets. Always doing things half right, never all the way.

  3. Art - Feb 18, 2010 at 12:00 PM

    Bizarre that an article about the Metrodome somehow morphed into a comment about how “terrible” Citi Field is. The rumors are completely untrue. It’s an incredible place. Instead of listening to the media (who make money through controversy) go to a game. You won’t be disappointed.
    Oh, and most stadiums have seats where it’s hard to see the field. They are very few at Citi.

  4. Old Gator - Feb 18, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    And turn that big orbital rail gun on the Tropicana Dump on the next pass, too. I prefer that to the nuclear option – we didn’t use it on Tora Bora so why take out the Dali Museum as collateral domage (neologism!) when all you want is to crater the zone between I-175 and Central Avenue? You might want to take out the mosquito larvae in Mirror Lake too, but you can always use thuringiensis donuts for that. No need for overkill.
    .
    Meanwhile, what with the Coen Brothers having moved their valuable carcasses to Los Angeles and Louise Erdrich perfectly capable of keeping warm across the river at Birchbark Books, everyone else in the Twin Cities who figured they could handle a naked-to-the-elements stadium – never mind that they possessed one of the few facilities in baseball whose atmospheric microcosm rendered steroids irrelevant – can now enjoy the harvest of frostbite they so richly deserve. The Metrodome should be kept around – kinda the municipal equivalent of Ted Williams’ head – for when they realize that global warming isn’t going to catch up with their particular boreal zone and its Alberta Clipper springtimes and falls for about another hundred years or so.

  5. Old Gator - Feb 18, 2010 at 3:27 PM

    Being able to see the Mutts clearly last season – not to mention the two preceding seasons – was not advantageous for their fans.

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

Featured video

This was 'the perfect baseball game'
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. G. Springer (3860)
  2. I. Davis (2909)
  3. C. Kimbrel (2796)
  4. B. Harper (2738)
  5. M. Machado (2671)
  1. M. Cuddyer (2632)
  2. C. Granderson (2476)
  3. J. Chavez (2383)
  4. J. Reyes (2324)
  5. K. Calhoun (2222)