Feb 18, 2010, 8:58 AM EDT
It has been established that ballparks which have recently died have been
returning to life and committing acts of baseball murder. A widespread
investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and domes has concluded
that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking baseball
victims. It’s hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does
seem to be a fact:
Due to sub-freezing temperatures and snow in the forecast this weekend, the
Kansas baseball team will open the 2010 season on Monday, Feb. 22
against Eastern Michigan with a doubleheader at the Metrodome in
Minneapolis, Minn. at 5 p.m.
Query: how bad would the weather need to be in a hypothetical Twins playoff series before they broke out the Metrodome contingency plan? Given the revenues the new joint stands to draw — hot chocolate will probably cost $9 a cup — I have to imagine that the threshhold would be really, really high, but you have to assume that the scenario has entered into someone’s mind.
My view: nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
- The schedule: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it 63
- And That Happened: Thursday’s scores and highlights 62
- Eduardo Rodriguez dazzles in major league debut 23
- Masahiro Tanaka expected to rejoin Yankees next week 4
- Alex Rodriguez is the all-time AL RBI champion. Sorta. 76
- And That Happened: Wednesday’s scores and highlights 86
- Cardinals GM John Mozeliak: Matt Adams out 3-4 months, possibly the year, with torn quad 62
- Bryce Harper leads in the first round of National League All-Star voting 29