Feb 18, 2010, 8:58 AM EDT
It has been established that ballparks which have recently died have been
returning to life and committing acts of baseball murder. A widespread
investigation of funeral homes, morgues, and domes has concluded
that the unburied dead have been returning to life and seeking baseball
victims. It’s hard for us here to be reporting this to you, but it does
seem to be a fact:
Due to sub-freezing temperatures and snow in the forecast this weekend, the
Kansas baseball team will open the 2010 season on Monday, Feb. 22
against Eastern Michigan with a doubleheader at the Metrodome in
Minneapolis, Minn. at 5 p.m.
Query: how bad would the weather need to be in a hypothetical Twins playoff series before they broke out the Metrodome contingency plan? Given the revenues the new joint stands to draw — hot chocolate will probably cost $9 a cup — I have to imagine that the threshhold would be really, really high, but you have to assume that the scenario has entered into someone’s mind.
My view: nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
- Boston Marathon heroes remembered with pregame ceremony at Fenway Park 7
- Benches clear in Pittsburgh after the Brewers’ Carlos Gomez bat flips a third-inning triple 155
- Yankees activate Mark Teixeira from the disabled list 4
- Ivan Nova diagnosed with a partially torn ulnar collateral ligament in his right elbow 30
- Settling the Score: Saturday’s results 35
- Hank Aaron is getting vile racist hate mail in retaliation for pointing out that racism still exists (248)
- “They Don’t Know Henry” (167)
- Benches clear in Pittsburgh after the Brewers’ Carlos Gomez bat flips a third-inning triple (160)
- Doug Glanville’s story about being racially profiled at his own home (127)
- There is still a racial divide in baseball (112)