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Someone needs to send hostage negotiators to Clearwater

Feb 24, 2010, 5:00 PM EDT

They’re saying everything is OK, but based on these photos of the Phillies, they’re clearly being held at the spring training complex against their will.

Wait! Did you see that?!  I think Jayson Werth is blinking “S-O-S” in morse code!

  1. GBSimons - Feb 24, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    How does Werth find time during the baseball season to fulfill his obligations as his alter ego, WWE’s Edge?

  2. Ryan - Feb 24, 2010 at 6:10 PM

    Charlie Manuel is one sexy bitch.

  3. Old Gator - Feb 24, 2010 at 8:05 PM

    This is easy. They set up a big cardboard box outside camp, propped up by a stick with a string tied to it and put a paper plate with a horsemeat and velveeta sandwich under the box, and go hide in the bayonet yucca thicket. When the Phillies come out and pounce of the sandwich, pull the string. Just get the sandwich away from them before they eat the horrible thing, or the owners will be pumping them full of resveratrol all week.

  4. jwb - Feb 24, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    They’re just showing solidarity with Dane Sardinha. The Smoking Gun is slipping. I wanted to include a link to his mug shot here; it would have fit right in. Or maybe an NRI just isn’t enough of a celebrity for them.

  5. Richard Dansky - Feb 24, 2010 at 10:12 PM

    Old Gator, does Carl Hiaasen know you’ve escaped from his novels yet?
    And they’re out of horsemeat up in Philly. They’ve moved on to moose, woolly mammoth, and commuter-who-lives-in-Jersey

  6. Old Gator - Feb 24, 2010 at 11:05 PM

    Actually, I escaped from Lake Placid, which is why some of my less enthusiastic readers sometimes refer to me as “Old Croc.” Croc of what, so far, they’ve been too polite to say. I don’t know why; I wouldn’t have shown them the same courtesy.
    As far as using New Jersey as a nutritional catchment, I’m surprised they aren’t serving anopheles granola at breakfast. It’s the state bird and there are plenty of them.

  7. Patrick - Feb 25, 2010 at 8:32 AM

    Oh, Roy. Poor Roy.
    What did they do to happy Roy?
    Dear God…

  8. Richard Dansky - Feb 25, 2010 at 8:38 AM

    Skeeter’s more of a dessert food up there.

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