Comments on: So I'm going to Spring Training

By: Louie Picado

Louie Picado — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 17:00:05 +0000

I’m normally not one to submit my opinion on other’s articles, but for this post I just had to do it. I’ve been searching through your site a lot recently and I am super impressed, I think you might potentially emerge as the main voices for your niche. Not sure what your workload is like in life, but if you started devoting more effort to writing on this site, I’d bet you would begin receiving a lot of traffic eventually. With advertisements, it might emerge as a sweet reserve income source. Just a concept to think about. Good luck!

By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 15:06:12 +0000

Just a quick thought before this thread subducts beneath the North American continental plate: back in, oh, I would guess 1982 or 83 or so, Ollie the Alligator was the county icon for the Broward County Chamber of Commerce's division of tourism. The Director of Tourism for Broward County (that's Fort Lauderdale and environs for you auschlanders) got fired for walking around the Vatican in his Ollie the Alligator costume as a photo op. I think Ollie might have been retired after that. They probably use a Burmese python now.

By: Magaret Rockwood

Magaret Rockwood — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 13:36:12 +0000

You ought to seriously think about building up this site into a dominant voice in this market. You clearly have a grasp grasp of the topics everyone is looking for on this website anyways and you could maybe even earn a dollar or three off of some ads. I would dive into following recent trends and increasing the amount of blog posts you put up and I bet you’d start getting some nice traffic in the near future. Just a brainstorm, good luck regardless!

By: michael standish

michael standish — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:32:22 +0000

Old Gator kicking out the jambs is a lovely thing to behold. But that grandma’s tush business was worse than watching Don Buddin at shortstop. Thank God a friend just dropped off a couple of cases of Yuengling.

By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:34:51 +0000

Definitely. I gotta take you over to the Dali museum and see if they’re showing “Destino,” the film that Dali made with…are you ready for this?…Uncle Walt himself. I believe it was meant to be included in Fantasia but it even weirded Walt out. Ah well.

By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:18:18 +0000

Okay, no problem, and I will definitely make that request. I usually ask for “The Old Prospector” (also known as “Acres of Clams” to folks who regularly eat at Ivar’s in Seattle and spend the time it takes to simmer their smoked salmon fettucini alfredo reading the lyrics off their placemats.
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Okay. First thing you should know is that that’s not an alligator, but a pretty badly designed dummy crocodile. For some reason, the idiots who made the Gator the symbol of Florida for tourists back in the 1950s were busily trying to exterminate them at the same time, and nearly succeeded. I am happy to report, though, that due to an attack of environmentalist guilt, we have now overprotected our tourist symbol to the point that they are invading all the suburbs of Macondo, showing up in our canals and swimming pools, eating our dogs and, on occasion, our drunks as well. We have responded with a campaign that no one who doesn’t watch the Discover Health Channel regularly is aware of – which means most people – that Gator meat can be used in any recipe calling for veal and is much lower in cholesterol (I use it regularly in Gator schnitzel a la Hollstein, Gator francaise, Gator rollatine and Gator parmegian. Really.) Meanwhile, we also have a nuclear power plant, Turkey Point (I didn’t make that name up – you can’t make a name for a nuclear power plant like that up), which now doubles as a crocodile preserve. Cross my three-chambered heart. And we are rapidly approaching the same problem with crocodiles that we’ve been having with alligators., except that the crocodiles glow in the dark and we have no idea how big the next generation of them will be.
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The biting of the pneumatic female tushy works on two levels. On the first, recalling the chronological provenance of this image, is meant to appeal to aging Jewish mothers. For a more detailed explanation of the complex cultural inferences of this tushy-biting image, you need to watch the movie Where’s Papa, where the infamous “tush scene” will illuminate it for you. (You might also try to find the wonderful explanation of that scene by George Segal, whose tushy gets bitten in the scene, on the Dick Cavett show – and then stick around to watch Dalton Trumbo’s elaborated response to it.) The appeal of the bitten tushy was hugely successful in stocking the rocking chairs on the beachfront porches of the miles of holding pens for the afterlife that eventually became the Art Deco district of South Beach once that entire generation had expired (and in all semi-seriousness, I had a part time job in high school – yes, Miami Beach High School, which was everything it sounds like it was – showing old movies at these retirement homes. We’d set up the first reel of The Eddie Cantor Story, the oldsters would file in, we’d dim the lights and start the projector and go across Ocean Drive and blow a joint on the beach, then talk about Jimi Hendrix for two hours, and then go back to change reels, repeat the process, and then go back to pack up the projector. The nurse would turn the lights on and the duffers would all get up and stagger out, pushing their little wheeled IV stands and catheter bottles before them. Usually. Sometimes, one wouldn’t get up. When you’re stoned, this can be disconcerting. After this happened a couple of times, I quit and started earning my keep catching eastern diamondback rattlesnakes down by the B-52 base in Homestead and selling them to Bill Haast’s Serpentarium for six dollars a foot. That was a lot of date money in 1967, you know?)
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Okay, on the second level, there’s the Freudian appeal. The old croc is a father figure and the entire mise-en-scene reeks of deflected Oedipal desire. I don’t care how old you are, but if you are reading this the woman in that photo is definitely old enough to be your mother, if not your grandmother, by now. If her tushy still appeals to you, I want you to close your eyes and repeat, over and over again, “sometimes a good cigar is just a good cigar. Sometimes a good cigar is just a good cigar. Sometimes….” etc.
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There, Mike. Get your money’s worth?”

By: TF in Tampa

TF in Tampa — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:12:26 +0000

Well, I’m sorry to hear that you won’t be able to visit the West Coast of Fla this go around, those gigs at the Luna Star Cafe sound too inviting to blow off. You will be missed.
As far as rogue waves here on Tampa Bay are concerned, this is a far cry from the 30 footers that kicked up in the Mediterranean earlier this week. My boats are unaffected by 2-3ft seas which is about as rough as it gets here on the Bay.
Now, if your not telling us something, like your inner middle ear gyroscope gets tangled up with whats been ingested into your lower intestinal cavity tubes and says its time to separate from one another, thats a different subject. But I’m sure thats not the case,considering those dreams of yours, you know, emerging unscathed from the depths of the dark unknown. If you change your mind, just let me know, otherwise we’ll pick this up later.
Keep those cards and letters coming!

By: michael standish

michael standish — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:40:03 +0000

Old Gator should know that requesting “Creepy John” will make Spider John’s day. In return for this tidbit, I’d appreciate it if he could explain the underlying symbolism of the photo above.

By: CG Hudson

CG Hudson — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:37:18 +0000

Do me a favor . . . when you go to the Yanks-Braves game, track down Dave O’Brien and punch him in the stomach once for me for perpetuating the nickname “J-Hey” during such a formative period as this.

By: Jonny5

Jonny5 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:36:46 +0000

LMAO!!! I was waiting for you to “man up” to my comment. Now I’d pay money to see Joe Mauers face when Craig actually asks him to remove his shirt for a photo! :>/ That would be the shot to post.

By: APBA Guy

APBA Guy — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:31:17 +0000

Craig, you have to get to Sarasota and see the O’s. I need to know just how bad they are. Besides, a drive down the coast highway from Tampa to Sarasota takes you through St. Pete and Longboat Key. You might run over an oldster or two and nobody would notice.

By: CG Hudson

CG Hudson — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:19:48 +0000

At the Braves-Yanks game, track down Dave O’Brien and punch him in the stomach for me for perpetuating the nickname “J-Hey” during this formative developmental period.

By: The Common Man

The Common Man — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:17:35 +0000

Consider my feelings embraced. Just extremely comfortable with my heterosexual man-crush on Joe Mauer. And I’m all about giving the ladies what they want…and what they want is Joe Mauer shirtless. Given Craig’s impressive National Media press credentials, I have no doubt he has the juice to pull this off.

By: themarksmith

themarksmith — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:00:26 +0000

GET SOME AUTOGRAPHS!! They’re exciting and useful.
And if not, you can always sell them on eBay. I’m assuming you don’t make as much these days as you used to. You’ll need the extra dough to keep up the lifestyle.

By: Roy

Roy — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 11:24:29 +0000

take a dump in the Mets clubhouse and don’t flush

By: smsetnor

smsetnor — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 11:24:03 +0000

My favorite part of going to spring training games has been heckling the professional autograph seekers. They’re the worst.

By: Jonny5

Jonny5 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 11:12:58 +0000

Well I heard that Hamels wife had him on some kinda fish and veggie diet last season and his lack of nutrition led to anemia, coupled with the high amounts of mercury he was consuming had him a little unstable. Ref. “mad as a hatter”. I’ve heard he’s given up this diet in support of his career, and he’s been eating two cheese steaks with provolone every day with the rest of Phillies pitching staff. The grease will lube his elbow and shoulder significantly while giving him an energy boost from the large amounts of protien.

By: Andy L

Andy L — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:48:17 +0000

I’m moving down to Bradenton next Monday, so I’ll miss your visit. But be sure to let me know what the Pirates’ spring training home is like so I know what to expect!

By: Ryan

Ryan — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:28:47 +0000

Are we going to get an ATH for the time you spend with your mother-in-law? *crosses fingers*

By: salvo

salvo — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:22:48 +0000

Craig, I hope when you’re at the Cardinals game that you have an opportunity to uphold your mission as a sports journalist—you’re not just there for fun, you know—and ask Mark McGwire why he won’t just come out and admit that he knows the steroids he took are the reason why he was able to hit so many home runs. Until he does that, he has no business having a job in baseball.

By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:22:09 +0000

Well, you know what they say, Johnny – two’s androgyny, three’s a crowd.
.
Cole Hamels is past it. The Feesh solved him last year after season after season of prostration and frustration. You would think that someone who’d been eating Feesh would be in better shape late in his career than someone who’d been eating those horrible horsemeat and velveeta sandwiches, but there’s no accounting for genetic predestination. It’s time for him to consider a late-inning game-is-hopeless mop-up role. No reason for the guys to be in a rush home for dinner when you-know-whats are waiting for them.

By: Old Gator

Old Gator — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:18:53 +0000

Ah, the timing is rotten. Next weekend we have folk/blues legend Spider John Koerner at the Luna Star Cafe, and a couple days before that Canadian blues legend Michael Pickett at the same venue. Two cannot miss musical events (Joe Zoss was here last night). Aside from that, I have a horrible fear of rogue waves. Now it’s true I’ve not seen a wave since the last time I was at Shea Stadium or the Rogers Center – there aren’t enough fans at Joeprodolsharklife Stadium on a given evening to generate a wave, or even piss a beer backlash tidal pool big enough to cover a sand crab – but I keep dreaming that I’ve just emerged from a sewer pipe lined with Aboirigine x-ray art and there it is, curling sixty feet above with Duke Kahanamoku and Laird Hamilton with Gabrielle Reece sitting on his shoulders riding straight at me. No thanks. But we’ll get something together this Spring. Something tamer.

By: Jonny5

Jonny5 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:52:42 +0000

“Gather together shirtless you, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, JJ Hardy, Nick Punto and Denard Span.”
“Post said picture on the interwebz”
“Drive the ladies wild”,
Uhhh yeah, uh huh. You are gay. You totally know exactly who it is you want to see shirtless even. Just embrace your feelings, it’s ok.

By: Jonny5

Jonny5 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:47:12 +0000

Ok Craig, I have some saturday work for you. Ask Cole Hamels if he could please get his Shit together this season. Thank you.

By: stuart

stuart — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:46:26 +0000

Craig,
Have you scheduled a time to see Strasburg?

By: TF in Tampa

TF in Tampa — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:39:56 +0000

Craig and Gator:
So as spring gets sprung [finally warmer weather is forecast here for the weekend and next week as well] and the flight of the Northern birds head south, that being you Craig, I hope that we can make some arrangements to meet in the Tampa-Sarasota-Bradenton-Clearwater areas and enjoy some of what FLA has to offer, that being, sun, suds, b-ball, and if I can arrange it, my favorite, some boating around Tampa Bay.
So, if either of you two highly intellectual, sports blog writing, baseball know-it-alls, care to interact and break some bread with a simplistic, down to earth, northern displaced, NY Yankee loving now Fla commoner, pls let me know and count me in a days plan.

By: dl3mk3

dl3mk3 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:39:37 +0000

See if you can get a picture of John Rauch and Loek Van Mil standing next to each other when you’re checking out the twins.

By: The Common Man

The Common Man — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:37:58 +0000

Step 1) Gather together shirtless you, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, JJ Hardy, Nick Punto and Denard Span.
Step 2) Post said picture on the interwebz.
Step 3) Drive the ladies wild.

By: Jason @ IIATMS

Jason @ IIATMS — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:34:19 +0000

I’ll tell ya what: Take me with you and I’LL take your M-I-L out for a nice dinner, on me.
Though that line about Mets ML camp is hilarious

By: BC

BC — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:31:02 +0000

You gotta get down to Gulfstream one day. Even if you don’t play the ponies heavily it’s fantastic.