Apr 5, 2010, 8:58 AM EDT
Never make predictions, especially about the future.
— Casey Stengel
That’s some great advice, Casey, but it’s Opening Day, we’re all happy and giddy and optimistic and everything, so let’s moot the entire season right now by telling you everything that’s going to happen. As the headline says, 100% correct or your money back.
THE DIVISION RACES
If you’ve been following the Springtime Storylines you already know what I think is going to happen in all the races this year, but let’s put them all down in one place so that they’ll be easier to find this October when you’re all ready to congratulate me for my shocking prescience. Links go to the full-blown team preview.
Predicting the playoffs is a fool’s errand because approximately 3,252 things are going to happen between now and October that will impact all that, but why not?
- Yankees beat the Twins and the Rays beat the Angels in the ALDS
- Yankees beat the Rays in the ALCS
- Braves beat the Cardinals and the Rockies beat the Phillies in the NLDS
- Rockies beat the Braves in the NLCS
- Yankees beat the Rockies in the World Series
Oh, stop your complaining. It’s not like you know any better.
AL MVP: Kendry Morales. I can’t say why other than to say that no one on the Yankees or Rays will get credit for a great year because it’ll be viewed as a total team effort and because writers will only vote for Mauer and Morneau so many times.
NL MVP: Troy Tulowitzki, partially because he’s awesome, partially because Pujols fatigue will cause voters to search for other candidates despite the fact he’s still the best player in baseball.
AL Cy Young: CC Sabathia because, despite the fact that Greinke will pitch better than him, the writers won’t want to give another 16 game winner the Cy Young. And no, last night’s game won’t matter in all of this, so just cut it out.
NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay, who will simply abuse the NL this year.
AL Rookie of the Year: Austin Jackson, not because he’s better than all the other rookies, but because he’ll have a lot more plate appearances and will compile some respectable numbers.
NL Rookie of the Year: Jason Heyward. We are all witnesses.
AL Manager of the Year: Joe Maddon, for managing an insanely talented team whose talent people won’t fully acknowledge past a flawed Red Sox team that no one will admit is flawed.
NL Manager of the Year: Bobby Cox. Part retirement gift, part legitimate for passing the Phillies, who everyone on the planet except me is picking to win the East.
So that’s that. As Johnny liked to say in the World Series threads last fall: MARK IT DOWN!!
- Unknown Cuban ballplayer sleeps outside of Dodger Stadium, hoping for a tryout 28
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights 72
- Jake Arrieta no-hits the Dodgers with 12 strikeouts 32
- Blue Jays will name Mark Shapiro as the new team president 31
- Lance Lynn expects to make next scheduled start despite suffering ankle injury Saturday 2
- Cubs expected to call up Javier Baez on September 1 6
- Settling the Score: Saturday’s results 13
- A fan died at Turner Field after falling from the upper deck 64
- Sarah Palin sticks up for Curt Schilling, tells ESPN to “stick to sports” (266)
- Dan Patrick: When does ESPN cut ties with Curt Schilling? (201)
- Curt Schilling taken off of Little League World Series duty for making a really bad tweet (170)
- Curt Schilling taken off of ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball telecast this week (134)
- Phillies announcer calls Mets fans “obnoxious” (123)