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Carlos Zambrano is supposed to be a cow. Or a bell. Or a lawnmower. Or something.

Apr 6, 2010, 11:00 AM EDT

Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times has been saving his metaphors up all winter and was really excited to get them all out at once this morning:

Being the Opening Day pitcher is supposed to mean something.You’re the tone setter, the bell cow, the big swinging medallion
chosen by the manager as the symbol of the team. You mow ‘em down, your buds rack ‘em up. But Carlos Zambrano — who now has started more consecutive Opening
Days (six) than any other Cub — is not a bell cow. He’s a rambling,
tin-can eating goat who has lost his way.

A goat who has lost his way. Not like those homing-goats that all the other teams have.

  1. Jason @ IIATMS - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    “homing goats”?
    Epic.

  2. Matt - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:20 AM

    Is he the curse goat?

  3. Joe G - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:24 AM

    It reminds me of the puppy who lost his way…
    You don’t sit around crying about it. You get off your @ss and you find that freakin’ dog!

  4. ecp - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    He’s doubled the billy goat curse!

  5. Brian - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    Of course, Zambrano had a very solid start on opening day last year, which the Cubs won. We know how that season turned out, for the Cubs and Zambrano. Also won on opening day 2005, which was an epic FAIL of a season for the Cubs. But, the columnists have to have something to gripe about after one game.
    And if you’re going to come up with an animal metaphor to use on Zambrano, wouldn’t a donkey be a bit more appropriate given his temper and stubbornness?

  6. Charles Gates - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:34 AM

    Did you just call Carlos sterile?

  7. Brian - Apr 6, 2010 at 11:50 AM

    LOL Charles! Wasn’t even thinking about that!

  8. Bear - Apr 6, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    “Did you just call Carlos sterile?”
    I believe you are confusing donkeys with mules. Mules are sterile, as they are the offspring of male donkeys and female horses.

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