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Great moments in bathroom sex at U.S. Cellular Field

Apr 9, 2010, 9:58 AM EDT

Rhett and Scarlett.jpgReviewing the box score of Monday’s White Sox-Indians game reveals that only Paul Konerko and Alexis Rios were credited with home runs. According to John Kass of the Tribune they missed one in the men’s room off the third base line upper deck concourse:

“So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make
sure nobody was dying in there. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice
yell, ‘HEY, STOP!’ Something was going on and I had interrupted.” Moments
later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The
tall man held his arms up in triumph.

“His arms were straight up,
like in victory,” Nemeth said. “Everybody was hooting and hollering and
giving high-fives.” Then a second person left the stall, someone
Nemeth described as apparently female, “scurrying” out of the restroom
with a shirt or coat over her head.

There are walks of shame, there are pathetic walks of shame and then there are walks of shame out of the men’s room at U.S. Cellular Field in the middle of a Sox-Tribe game. We’re talking about one refined gentleman and one classy lassie here. And I love the “apparently female” line.  Maybe the tall blond guy got more than he bargained for?

Anyway, the man quoted there was the fellow who discovered the highly romantic liaison in question. He was with his young son at the time. I’m a dad with a couple of impressionable kids, so I can relate to his discomfort about it all. Not that I can’t handle it, but because you just know when you have kids that 500 questions are going to follow about “what were that lady and that man doing and why was a lady in the boy’s baffroom and can Batman beat up Spider-Man” and all of that. The only real easy answer is that, no, Spider-Man wouldn’t stand a chance.

All that said, the Kass column in which all of this appears is a bit over-the-top in terms of “think of the children” hand-wringing. He prods the mayor to do something about this for cryin’ out loud. Like he has the time to police the U.S. Cellular Field bathrooms when there’s so much graft to attend to.

Tasteless and moronic behavior happens. We all wish it didn’t, but it does. We’ll all find a way to soldier on. Somehow.

  1. Ryan - Apr 9, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    Sorry Spidey-fan’s, Batman wins in a landslide according go Googlefight:
    http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=spider-man&word2=batman

  2. MVD - Apr 9, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    If people wanna hump in a bathroom, good for them. Find a different bathroom. Everyone needs to mind their own damn business.

  3. Ryan - Apr 9, 2010 at 3:23 PM

    Not in the way you are inferring – much like going to an amusement park or the toy store, something you don’t like COULD happen. If you don’t want your kids to have any bad influences, lock them in their windowless room and throw away the key; otherwise, venture out into the cruel world with the knowledge that something MIGHT happen and take it in stride when it does happen. Or, you could, you know, talk to your children when something bad happens. That might work too.

  4. Matt - Apr 9, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    I love PBT. But seriously, you have it wrong. Very, very wrong.
    Spider-senses > gadgets
    It would be fun to watch, but Spidey wins, hands down.

  5. Dobie - Apr 9, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    If you’re gonna talk crap, at least get the name of the park right…

  6. Andy L - Apr 9, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    IMPLYING. Implying implying implying! What is wrong with you! A speaker does not infer, a LISTENER infers!
    AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

  7. Marty in Boulder - Apr 9, 2010 at 5:12 PM

    In the bathroom? That’s nothing! What about the couple doing it IN THE STANDS in Polo Grounds during (or immediately after) the bottom of the 9th inning on October 3, 1951? That’s right, during the most famous moment of baseball history! According to “The Baseball Hall of Shame 3″ by Bruce Nash and Allan Zullo (page 129), a couple in the first row was spotted performing a lewd act on the ground in the first base box seats after the game ended. I’m not sure if the woman was paying off a bet to a Giants fan or trying to console a Dodgers fan.

  8. Seth - Apr 9, 2010 at 5:12 PM

    Word, man. It’s lonely being a Grammar Geek.

  9. Ryan - Apr 9, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    Dammit, I was just arguing with someone today that ‘irregardless’ is not a word, then I go and infer that I’m intelligent on the internet. Friday friday FRIDAY!

  10. Kathy - Apr 9, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    What’s the big deal? I got my first whiff of pot in the centerfield bleachers at old Comiskey Park at age 12 and my grandfather had to explain what those funny smelling cigarettes were. Life goes on!

  11. Old Gator - Apr 9, 2010 at 5:48 PM

    Craig, I’m afraid you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.
    .
    captcha: creamers of
    .
    Really.

  12. Chris Rocks - Apr 10, 2010 at 9:53 AM

    Ohh Yeah!!!!

  13. WILEY - Apr 10, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    HE MUSTA BEEN A TRIBE FAN COLLECTING ON A BET…US IN O H I O KNOWS HOW TO COLLECT ON A DEBT,DONCHA KNOW!

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