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And That Happened: Tuesday's Scores and Highlights

Apr 28, 2010, 5:37 AM EDT

Francisco Liriano pitch.jpgTwins 2, Tigers 0: Francisco Liriano dominates again. Jon Rauch gets his seventh save in eight chances. Jim Thome, Jason Kubel and Delmon Young all get in the game and provide some production. As long as it doesn’t snow during the Twins’ next homestand, I think we’ll be able to say that all of the uncertainties facing the Twins heading into this season have been sorted out.

Pirates 7, Brewers 3: The only sad thing for Pirates fans here is that the Buccos didn’t channel the ol’ ball coach and hang half a hundred on ’em in retaliation for the last week’s worth of butt-kicking. The sad thing for the Brewers — and the rest of us who appreciate greatness — is that Trevor Hoffman looks like he has a giant fork sticking out of his back. The two homers allowed was bad enough, but the scary part is that he only threw two changeups in the entire ninth inning. That’s like Batman hanging from a rope ladder over the ocean without his shark repellent.

Cardinals 5, Braves 4: Nothing is going right for Atlanta. The scariest
part: after the game Bobby Cox got on
Heyward’s case
for taking too many pitches. Because what you really
want is a young kid with plate patience to be scared into swinging at
everything by his living legend manager who won’t be around next year
when his approach is all messed up. Or maybe I’m just overreacting
because the Braves will never win another baseball game ever again in my natural lifetime.

Mariners 3, Royals 2: Zack Greinke pitches seven shutout innings and hands it over to the pen, which promptly blows it. I just did a little legal research on the subject, and I’ll be damned if it isn’t now Missouri law that Greinke can kill relief pitchers without facing any legal liability whatsoever.

Mets 4, Dodgers 0, Mets 10, Dodgers 5: Game one features six innings of shutout ball from Johan Santana, three more from the pen and the first homer of the season for Jason Bay. Game two featured the Mets’ bullpen and bats saving Oliver Perez from himself and extending the team’s win streak to six. The late Phillies game (see below) put the Mets in first place. That’s right kids: the New York Mets are in first place in the National League East.

12, Diamondbacks 1
: Ubaldo Jiminez’s and Edwin Jackson’s
ERA-trajectories could be used to demonstrate Newton’s Law of Balanced
Force, with all of us remaining perfectly stable as they simultaneously
race towards the infinitely small and infinitely large.

6, Astros 2
: Aaron Harang — previously dead — is reanimated. He
and Dusty Baker go on a theater tour singing “Putting on the Ritz,”
complete with top hats and tails, until it ends in disaster when a
defective stage light frightens Harang into a rampage.  Why no, I didn’t
watch any of this game. Why do you ask?

3, Cubs 1
: After giving up one run in seven innings Livan
Hernandez’s ERA rises to 0.87. Given that the statute of
limitations has pretty much run over that whole 1997 NLCS fiasco, I’m
officially rooting for Hernandez to beat out Tim Lincecum and Roy
Halladay for the Cy Young Award because such a thing would be glorious
in its randomness and because my personal motto is “viva chaos.”

Sox 2, Blue Jays 1
: The bullpens get a rest as Clay Buchholz and
Shaun Marcum each work into the eighth inning. A bases loaded walk to
Mike Lowell — who was pinch-hitting for Big Papi — provided the game
winning RBI. Except we don’t keep track of those anymore.

5, Yankees 4
: And the Bombers have suddenly lost four of five. 0-5s
for Jeter, Gardner and A-Rod. Granderson is now 0 for his last 17. New
York threatened in the ninth, scoring a couple and loading the bases up
for A-Rod, but he grounded to second. I
blame Obama
. Or Dave Robertson. Either way, really.

4, White Sox 2
: Matt Treanor alone put the Rangers out in front 3-0
with a homer and a two-run double, and that proved to be enough. I’ll
admit, I was pretty dubious about the C.J. Wilson-as-starter thing when
they announced it, but it’s working out just fine (6 IP, 5 H, 2 ER).

Rays 8, Athletics 6: An appearance from the bad Ben Sheets (4 IP, 9 H, 8 ER) and a three-run homer from Pat Burrell lead the Rays to their 12th win in 14 games. Still, no one showed up for this one, putting lie to the notion that people will start showing up when the Rays win.

Padres 4, Marlins 1: Both of these teams play in near-tropical climes, so this is probably as good a place as any to register my dissatisfaction at the fact that “Lost” was a rerun last night. Anyway, Jon Garland struck out ten Feesh in six innings and all of the Padres runs came in on singles, which is something I find highly annoying when it happens against my team.

Indians 9, Angels 2: I’m not sure I have room in the reality centers of my brain to accommodate Austin Kearns being good, but he’s been on a tear lately. Last night: 3-6, 2 2B, HR, 5 RBI.

Giants 6, Phillies 2: Homers from Matt Downs and Aubrey Huff, good pitching from Todd Wellemeyer and some nice defense all contribute to yet another Giants win. Oh, and in the second inning Ryan Howard dogged it to second base on what he thought would be a double and was thrown out. Jayson Stark says it’s OK, though, because Babe Ruth did that all the time.

  1. Moses Green - Apr 28, 2010 at 5:58 AM

    Gotta love the job Girardi did the other day, simultaneously ruining the confidence of both Robertson and Damaso Marte. Oh, and different types of wear all day coat pants with stripes and cut away coats for perfect fits …

  2. Simon DelMonte - Apr 28, 2010 at 5:59 AM

    First place Mets. I can’t see this lasting long. But given the noise about how this team was done for already two weeks ago, I will revel in seeing them in first and seeing the naysayers quieted for now.

  3. enough already - Apr 28, 2010 at 7:42 AM

    O Ye of little faith!
    By the way, (and I feel like you planned this, Craig,) my capcha is would seesaw. I was going for the simple message here.

  4. Old Gator - Apr 28, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    Craig, I agree about the singles thing. It’s like having a single unswattable mosquito that keeps coming back ruining a perfect sunny February afternoon sitting out back in the gazebo by the swimming pool a good book and a pina colada. Me, I prefer to see my team fall to a homer barrage – a grand slam followed by back-to-back solo shots on three straight fatballs is a nice sequence. That’s consistent with why I enjoy watching reruns of the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan so much, especially the part where the pitcher’s arm falls off.

  5. enough already - Apr 28, 2010 at 8:07 AM

    Has Craig jumped ship on the Braves already and joined you in the Ocean?
    (capcha: and disowned – is somebody watching me in capcha land?)

  6. Craig Calcaterra - Apr 28, 2010 at 8:09 AM

    I never jump ship on the Braves. I simply don’t feel it necessary or useful to pretend they’re playing well when they’re sucking.

  7. Jonny5 - Apr 28, 2010 at 8:45 AM

    Howard looked like quite the chump on that easy double/tag out. If he could have crawled into his batting helmet he would have. I don’t get it, they should be winning these games. It’s as if someone put a Cabala curse on these guys, even Halladay can’t pull off a win.

  8. Rays fan - Apr 28, 2010 at 8:52 AM

    1) Was Frau Blucher at the Reds game?
    2) For my beloved Rays, they need (a) something better than the Tropicana “unique facility”, (b) if they must stay in St Pete, they need a blue plate special, and (c) they need to stop attacking poor Old Gator with the miniblimp. Seriously, though, (actually “(a)” was serious) too many folks in the Tampa Bay area are truly band wagoners–& they’ll only show up after the all star break.

  9. Rays fan - Apr 28, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    …oh, and (d) no home games staring later than 4PM so as not to interfere with bedtime. Any other St Pete geriatric jokes out there?
    Gator: I’m afraid to do any joke about the Pirates after yesterday; I don’t want to “win” a sandwiche de steak du chevaux avec fromage du merde. (Velveeta is a brand name and thus doesn’t really translate, but I think I captured its essence.)

  10. Chuck - Apr 28, 2010 at 9:24 AM

    I love this site a lot, but as a Rockies fan, can we please agree to spell Ubaldo Jimenez’s name right? It’s not “Jiminez” it’s “Jimenez.” He’s pitching well enough right now for at least that much respect.

  11. enough already - Apr 28, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Something else happened last night: David Wright got his 1000th career hit.
    The time line of hits/home runs puts him in some rarefied air. I hope that quiets the boo birds down.

  12. Old Gator - Apr 28, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    When you’re driving down the Trail and cross the chronosynclastic infundibulum from Collier into Miami-Dade, just beyond the customs and immigration booth the operating term is carne caballo rebanado con queso de mierde con pan de Feelie. Or, if you come across with Alligator Alley, as soon as you pass the customs and immigration booths at Golden Glades it’s S’ak fo fwomaj sou pen rasi Feelie until you get through the Rido kreyol and reach NW 69th Street, and it reverts back to carne caballo etc. My suggestion is that north of NW 69th Street and south of the US border you order the Lambi and skip the sandwich.
    As far as the Tropicana Dump, I’m taking aversion therapy to overcome my paranoia about that morbidly obese predator drone of yours so we can get together for a Rays game sometime in June. Any idea where TF has disappeared to?
    As far as the Pirates Joke contest, BC is way out in front. He’s gotten off to a better start that the 1986 Mutts. If you were to win, though, I could spot you a horsemeat and velveeta po boy, so at least the bread would be less toxic and there’d be some roughage to keep the stuff from forming a plug in your duodenum.

  13. Snuffy - Apr 28, 2010 at 11:38 AM

    Sorry Craig but San Diego’s climate is not tropical. It’s Mediterranean.

  14. Old Gator - Apr 28, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    If you lived in Columbus, it would feel tropical to you too, especially in February. As far as “Mediterranean” goes, just try to get a decent slice of pizza there.

  15. The Rabbit - Apr 28, 2010 at 12:46 PM

    “Missouri law that Greinke can kill relief pitchers without facing any legal liability whatsoever.”
    Here in the Ozarks of Missouri, I’ve found that “’cause he deserved it” is a valid legal defense particularly in those areas where everyone knew the victim. After watching Rupe,, I’m sure no one would even consider bringing charges against Zack.
    “I’m officially rooting for Hernandez to beat out Tim Lincecum and Roy Halladay for the Cy Young Award”
    Funny you should mention it because my kid and I had this conversation and are enjoying his success for the same reasons that you are. Livan and the Cy Young would be awesome.

  16. Rays fan - Apr 28, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    My employer now has me ensconced in Oklahoma City for the next couple years–mostly just get back to FL for Christmas. I hope to get down to Arlington when the Rays come to Texas, but otherwise my live baseball fix comes from the OKC Redhawks currently. At least they do know here that horses are for riding and not consumption.

  17. Moses Green - Apr 28, 2010 at 4:28 PM

    Horsemeat and velveeta is delicious, the most signficant American contribution to world cuisine since the rubber spatula. Horses are for riding and THEN eating. Why choose?

  18. Old Gator - Apr 28, 2010 at 11:01 PM

    Aw, that means unless TF shows up again – I hope he didn’t take a wrong turn in Celebration and get used for fertilizer on one of those perfect green lawns of theirs – I’ve got no one to duck behind when the predator blimp lurches towards me. And you know it will. Come on home, Bubba. I can get you a cheap ticket on the next tornado outbreak. I predict you won’t miss those routine mesoscale convective complexes one bit; come back to the tropical cyclones that give you two week’s warning instead of suddenly sucking you through your ceiling and squirting you into an alternate reality like a watermelon seed.
    Replying to comment from Moses Green: you have to leave some viscera over for glue. Buddha only knows why the put that stupid cow on the bottle of Elmer’s anyway.

  19. Rays fan - Apr 28, 2010 at 11:04 PM

    I’ve seen “steak du cheval” on menus in France, not to be confused with “steak au cheval”–the second is often translated as a “cowboy steak,” meaning a thicker cut than the usual thin cutlet. I’ll leave it to you whether its presence on menus is a good thing or not.
    As for Velveeta, it truly is (I believe) fromage du merde–or if you prefer German, scheiskaese.

  20. Rays fan - Apr 28, 2010 at 11:23 PM

    Can’t argue the point about the tornados, although I’ve seen my share of those in FL too. The golf ball sized hail was the real revelation to me, and hopefully not to be repeated any time soon.
    My only real issue with the miniblimp is getting useless coupons for crap that nobody wants dumped on me. I am large enough to be an effective human shield though!
    History of Elmer: Elemr’s Glue is a Borden product, 3rd most famous thing out of Columbus, OH after Craig and Ohio State. Borden’s Milk, of course, uses Elsie the Cow as its mascot. When Borden started making the glue, they didn’t think Elsie would be a good marketing choice–equating their milk with chemical adhesives and all. Thus, they used “Elsie’s husband” Elmer the Bull. Ridiculous but true.

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