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The second Philly field jumper ain't a brain surgeon

May 5, 2010, 8:36 AM EDT

As I mentioned last night, another guy jumped onto the field in Philadelphia. This guy was quite a piece of work.  First, check out his Twitter page right before it happened:

“turn on the phillies game, im about to be on the feild!!!!!!!!!!”

You know what that means: his charge just went from second degree jackassary to premeditated jackassary. Not smart. I think that can get you the death penalty in some places.

Second of all, just look at the guy:

second Philly jumper.jpgForget the premeditated jackassary, I think you can get the death penalty for those pants alone.

Topping off his display of intellect was the fact that he had drugs on him when he jumped, resulting in a charge of narcotics possession on top of all of his trespassing/disorderly conduct stuff.  Repeat: the man who planned on jumping out onto a baseball field in front of God, Chase Utley and everyone was holding.  Brilliant!

Anyway, I felt kind of bad yesterday that the first jumper/taser thing led to so many people jumping on the “God, Philly fans are the worst” bandwagon. I mean, sure, there’s a history there, but the overwhelming majority of Philadelphia sports fans who aren’t idiots really don’t appreciate their whole sordid past being dragged out every time something happens.

But, man, wouldn’t it be a lot easier to look past all of that if fan idiocy didn’t continue to happen in Philly?  In the past couple of weeks alone we’ve had an intentional puker and now two jerks running out onto the field. These things aren’t imaginary. They actually happened, and they probably require that the people who run Citizen Bank ballpark take a closer look at what the rabble are doing.

  1. King Kaufman - May 5, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    I used to have some short like that. Of course, they looked MUCH better on me.

  2. Utley's hair - May 5, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    Before God AND Chase Utley? How much did you drink that you were seeing double, Craig?
    But I think the fact that this douche was carrying kinda feeds into the whole “Tasing, GOOD!!!” mentality. I think the ump should’ve let Cole throw the pitch and hope the jackass gets nailed by a line drive.

  3. chris - May 5, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    I felt bad for Cole Hamels……and more for those of us who were enjoying the moment of a pitching duel into the 9th inning. Most of the 45k fanbase were furious and yelling “taze him”. The idea that someone would call theirself a baseball fan and selfishly interrupt a perfect moment is bizarre!

  4. oompaloopma - May 5, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    I wish MLB would change the rule to state, if you run onto the field we will tase your dumbass and it will be shown to all to see. MLB ratings would go through the roof.

  5. John G - May 5, 2010 at 12:00 PM

    I don’t condone what has gone down in Philly but when you are filling a park with 45K every night its bound to happen and the reason it happens so much in Philly is we are on of the very few parks filling it like that. Take a look at some box scores and some of the empty parks throughout baseball. Its a joke. Philly should be commended for being fans that fill the park! Its a blast each and every game and a couple idiots on the field will not change that.

  6. Alaskamusher - May 5, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    We can solve all this once and for all. One simple word…..SNIPERS. Problem solved.

  7. jd - May 5, 2010 at 12:06 PM

    How do you have a discussion about fighting terrorism on the one hand, and then rationalize any response by security other than using a taser or whatever other force is necessary? These jumpers should be tasered, and then very heavily fined. As the number of terrorist attacks on our own turf increase, this type of behavior will eventually be viewed as the equivalent of yelling “fire” in a theatre. It is offensive to hear someone refer to these men as “boys” who appear harmless.

  8. Tom - May 5, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    I live in South Philadelphia, and I honestly think that these individuals aren’t true Phillies fans (despite the caps and t-shirts), or fans of baseball at all. They are individuals who are purely into drinking alcohol and partying in public places where it’s ‘cool’ to drink alcohol. Since the Phils won the World Series, it’s been hip to sport Phillies gear and go to games to tailgate/party…but as someone who has sat in a near-empty Veteran’s Stadium countless times, I can say with certainty that some Phillies fans have no idea what baseball is all about. They are disrespecting the game, the team, and the city. People that age get drunk, throw up, and cause trouble every weekend in every city, but now it is just ‘cool’ to do it at games. I’m not happy about that, no respect for baseball.

  9. B-Rad - May 5, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    Baltimore…respect…in the same sentence…HAHAHAHA

  10. chas - May 5, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    So that’s Hamel’s excuse this time, huh? He better get some more of his friends to jump on the field at all of his games so he has a built in excuse!!!

  11. chas - May 5, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    I was at a Philthie’s game once when an idiot ran on to the field. A security guard gave him a stiff arm across the throat that sent this guy flying into the air – think he did a double flip with a half twist (Gregg Lugainis would have been proud)!! The guard got a standing ovation!!

  12. Heywood Jablome - May 5, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    Three words: Shoot – To – Kill
    Dammit, listen to Darwin and get these beer-fueled idiots out of the damn gene pool!

  13. scatterbrian - May 5, 2010 at 1:58 PM

    Kick-ass shants. Those are the mullet of menswear.

  14. Otto - May 5, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    What ever happened to the days when fans were funny. I mean, the days of streaking, the big chested kissing bandit, and maybe a dog or squirrel.
    I believe for a game to be a sport, it must have fans. In order for a game to get fans it must be just as fun to watch as it is to play. This requires some sort of relaxation.
    Golf has slow, quiet play for the older set. Bowlling has beer for the lazy. Hockey and soccer have fights for the fans who need to release a little steam. Baseball has something for everyone, from the club seats for the white collar guys who rather talk work than watch the game, to the base line field seats where a fan knows that the players are close enough to hear a long rant that was meant for their boss but gets vented onto a player after a bad play.
    I believe all players should be able to play the game without fear of the fans. I also believe all fans have the right to do what they need to do to make them feel like fans. Cheering, screaming, dressing up, or down, face painting, to sleeping in the stands.
    Just remember at the next game, the guy next to you may have lost everything in his life except for his love of the game. Know to that he knows that stepping onto the hollowed ground that is the field of play, will get his ass tasered!

  15. Prionogenic Man - May 5, 2010 at 6:23 PM

    “Feelies fans, look on the bright side. From the look of that moron, the market demand for those horrible horsemeat and velveeta sandwiches will probably contract measurably while he’s in the spam can, so you can now encrust your arteries a little less expensively. Also, it may well be that the main reservoir of extra “Y” chromosomes, not to mention any number of dominant genomes for complete idiocy, has been removed from the local gene pool. In another thirty years or so, Feelies fans in general may be appear to be behaving well enough that they become indistinguishable from, say, Indians fans on ten cent beer night. ”
    OG your butchering of scientific terms is really annoying:
    “the main reservoir of extra “Y” chromosomes…has been removed from the local gene pool.”- Each male can only have one Y chromosome by definition, there are no extras and how is one guy really going to affect the entire Philly gene pool?
    “any number of dominant genomes”- alleles of genes can be dominant over other alleles of the same gene or others. The genome is the whole set of hereditary DNA or RNA, which may contain thousands of genes, of which an individual only has one of.

  16. j-fi - May 5, 2010 at 8:19 PM

    You don’t hear about these things happening in Atlanta. Those empty seats are on their best behavior.

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