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The best rant you're going to see all year

May 7, 2010, 9:45 AM EDT

Indians games appear on SportsTime Ohio, and after most games a fellow by the name of Bruce Drennan comes on with a show called “All Bets are Off.” It’s basically talk radio on television, but since this is the Midwest it’s fairly tame as far as those things go.

But sometimes Drennan goes a little nuts, and he certainly did after Wednesday’s ninth inning loss to the Blue Jays.  Thank God and YouTube for preserving this absolutely wonderful rant on the state of the Indians. I mean it: this thing is transcendent. Let’s hope it stays up. 

  1. 5iveoclock - May 7, 2010 at 10:01 AM

    Melodrama much?
    Dude’s accent is tip-top, however. Is that typical northeast Ohio?
    captcha: carpals prepare

  2. Craig Calcaterra - May 7, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    He’s actually from Chicago, though he’s been in Cleveland for over 30 years.

  3. Boo Hoo Florio picked on your team - GET OVER IT - May 7, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    I kinda feel bad for him but he strikes me as the type that lives and dies with every. single. game. Those people are always on the edge. He’s got some valid points as how far the franchise has fallen, though. They sure were good in the 90s.

  4. 5iveoclock - May 7, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    The way he flattened his As (Haaafner, Vaaalbuena) made me think Chicago.

  5. peteinfla - May 7, 2010 at 10:37 AM

    Funniest rant of all time! I was laughing so hard it hurt.

  6. Old Gator - May 7, 2010 at 10:51 AM

    Wonderful! A man after my own three-chambered heart! Craig, I will consider your making this available adequate recompense for the joy you are about to derive from that look into the mirror darkly called The Universal Baseball Association. I will download, transcribe and study this closely for future reference. Mr. Drennan, if you’re ever in Macondo, I would be proud to allow you to buy me a drink. Ever had a carambola colada?

  7. Z - May 7, 2010 at 11:01 AM

    I actually heard a bit of Gilbert Gottfried in there. Arms outstretched, hands waving: “Is there somethiiiiing that I can put in THIS hand…that would make you forget about what’s in THIS hand!?!?!?!”

  8. Lee Elia - May 7, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    Don’t forget about me, you c***sucker motherf***ers…

  9. Doracle - May 7, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    Psss… hey Bruce Drennen.
    Most sources had the Indians as not being very good this year. I mean, great rant and all, but I don’t see what’s so damn emotionally painful about seeing a bad team fulfill its expectations of being bad. It’s not like this is the 1995 Indians, or even the 2008 Indians. The whole purpose of the season is to figure out which young players are worth keeping, and to prop up the trade value of a few mediocre veterans so that we can flip them in July. It’s ugly, but it’s hardly unexpected.
    The nature of these young, half-formed teams is that sometimes they’ll surprise you with their adequacy (first couple of weeks of April), and sometimes they’ll look completely terrible (the past several games). Rebuilding baseball can be ugly, but let’s not act all shocked. I’ve been in Cleveland for most of my life and we should all be used to crappy teams. So let’s stop with the melodrama.
    Come to think of it, maybe I’m just further along the Cleveland Sports Stages of Grief Spectrum. Bruce Drennen is full of melodramatic anger, whereas I’ve moved on to muted acceptance of the universe’s coldness and amorality. Real men need to stop whining and start reflecting their anger and pain inward, drinking more, yada yada.
    But mostly, everyone can just save their anger and shock until the Cavs blow it at some point this postseason. There, I said it.

  10. Alex Poterack - May 7, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    Wow, it’s been 12 years since I lived in the Midwest, and I didn’t notice much of an accent on the guy at all (and I usually can notice that if it’s really strong). I guess that stuff gets pretty ingrained.

  11. Steve B. - May 7, 2010 at 1:23 PM

    You know who he reminds me of? Rowdy Roddy Piper. Especially when he talks about the error on La Porta.
    Captcha: sicilian stringency
    In Catania they’d have called it an error on La Porta; I know it.

  12. Steve in LA - May 7, 2010 at 6:15 PM

    The Dodgers aren’t doing so hot either but at least we have Vin.

  13. Mr. Furious - May 7, 2010 at 7:23 PM

    It doesn’t really measure up to the legendary Lee Elia rant, but that was pretty darned cool. I’m a Yankees fan, and I’d like to have someone with passion as one of my team’s broadcasters rather than those hacks Sterling and Waldman.
    Then again, I wouldn’t want a Ron Santo-type homer, just a Steve Stone type who tells it like it is. Fer chrissakes, the Yankees basically print money and this is the best they can do for their radio team? And, on another note, whoever thought that Waldman was an upgrade over Charley Steiner must’ve been either drunk or delusional. Steiner is a pro, she’s a weird hack.

  14. Java Joe - May 8, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    He’s got an accent?

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