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Breaking: Sammy Sosa is black again

May 12, 2010, 1:15 PM EDT

Because I know you were all wondering about this:

Sammy Sosa stunned fans last year when he turned up at
the Latin Grammys with noticeably whiter skin. The home run legend
claimed he’d mistakenly used a cosmetic cream with an unintended
bleaching effect. But last weekend at club Liv at the Fontainebleau in
Miami Beach, “Sosa looked back to his usual color and was partying with
friends until the early hours,” said a spy.

Wait, Sammy Sosa has fans? Since when?

In other news, Torii Hunter maintains that Sosa was never black to begin with.

  1. Joey B - May 12, 2010 at 1:43 PM

    He makes one ugly white dude. Seriously, did he think that was a good look?

  2. Old Gator - May 12, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Fortunately, Sammy doesn’t live in Arizona. Gov. Brewer is about to sign an amendment to her latest egalitarian triumph, the Arizona anti-ethnic-education law, that requires all people of color to bleach their skin, on grounds that different skin colors lead to ethnocentrism, divisiveness and hatred. Well, I for one congratulate Governor Brewer on her latest exercise in applied bigotry. I plan to send her a jar of saddle leather conditioner that she can use on her own face. What a fright mask that is.

  3. Darryl - May 12, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    I gotta go with Torii on this one.

  4. Mark V - May 12, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    Old Gator……………….CLASSIC ! Thanks for the laugh. She’s a joke in most of America’s eyes.
    Sosa’s a joke also.

  5. James Worthington - May 12, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    Mr. Calcaterra,
    I am certainly glad that your humor has returned. It seems like it’s been a while since I’ve laughed out loud at your writing.
    In case you’re wondering, I believe a lot of your stuff is exceptionally funny. The humor sets you apart from everyone, and I mean everyone, in the field.
    I also think you might have a better future on camera. Let’s face it; when was the last time you watched any sports reporter on television and laughed out loud? I know. I haven’t laughed out loud at a televised sports reporter since Olbermann.
    Hang in there. Keep the humor up. And broaden your horizons a bit. I think you can make it.

  6. Utley's hair - May 12, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    To paraphrase Michael Jackson: it don’t matter if you’re black or white, just pick one and go with it.

  7. YANKEES1996 - May 12, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    It was an after effect of using steroids, probably a side effect of “the cream”!

  8. Charles Gates - May 12, 2010 at 7:49 PM

    I haven’t laughed out loud at a televised sports reporter
    Laught at? Frequently. Laugh with? Now, that’s another matter entirely.
    Case in point, I was watching the Phils/Rockies game today when Dexter Fowler pinch hit in the ~8th. The Philly broadcaster, I think it was Wheels, questioned why Fowler pinch hit when Giambi was on the bench. The game was tied and it was an important at bat. The announcer said that sometimes a manager will assess a situation and decide what type of hitter he wants at the plate. (And this is almost an exact quote): Sometimes you want a guy to get an extra base hit, or even a homerun and other times, you’d rather have a guy that hits singles.

  9. adam - May 13, 2010 at 10:56 AM

    its from a skin lotion with bleach in it. Very popular in SE asia and becoming more popular in the western hemisphere.
    Steroids (or “the cream” which refers to hgh) have no effect on skin pigment, only hormones.
    And regardless of what he said it was no accident. No person in the world covers their face in lotion if they don’t know what it is. sammy sosa to me is the biggest fraud ever. A fraud ballplayer and fraud as a human being.

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