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Some trenchant David Ortiz analysis

May 14, 2010, 2:26 PM EDT

I would read more newspapers if the stories were written in this style

Observers were forced to admit, however, that, okay, so far in May
Ortiz has put up an OPS of .999 and has seven RBIs. But for a $24.5
million platoon DH? Are you freaking kidding them?

I mean, baseball insiders said, come on, people: The 2009 American
League MVP, Twins catcher Joe Mauer, is earning half a million less than
Ortiz, for Christ’s sake.

In addition, and not that it really has anything to do with anything,
but damn, they noted, the WNBA team salary cap is $775,000, so by
himself Ortiz will earn nearly one and a half times what an entire
professional sports league will be paid this year.

And not for nothing, reporters were told, they couldn’t help noticing
that David Ortiz earns $12,964,000 more than Uniontown, PA high school
history teacher Mark Davis, who, according to students and principal
evaluations, is successful and inspiring at his job every single day.

Highly placed baseball officials speaking on condition of anonymity
have got to tell you that, if it were their money, they would have
f—— cut the guy a year ago.

Yeah, I know, but I needed a pick-me-up after that last post.

(Thanks to Joe L., who I will be challenging to a loser-leaves-town match next month at the Greensboro Coliseum, so you better be there, jack!)

  1. MarkH - May 14, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    On what planet is Ortiz making $24.5 million this year?
    http://mlbcontracts.blogspot.com/2004/12/boston-red-sox.html
    Ortiz has a club option with no buyout for 2011, which will obviously not get picked up.

  2. 11coreya - May 14, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    ortiz, ortiz, ortiz… He has had trouble starting in the past but hes starting better this year than last year. we can all hope he ends better too

  3. Zack - May 14, 2010 at 2:47 PM

    Well, in Ortiz’s “defense” Mauer is making like $12 million less than him this year. Oh wait, that probably makes it worse.

  4. scatterbrian - May 14, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    Wow, that was brilliant. Completely valid and equitable analogies.

  5. Megary - May 14, 2010 at 3:00 PM

    Ortiz: 12.5 mil for ’10
    Lowell: 12 mil for ’10

  6. Church of the Perpetually Outraged - May 14, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    Good god sheeple, did you see where the article was linked from?

  7. Tom from HotStove.com - May 14, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    The Onion strikes again!

    Craig, make sure don’t get your arms tangled in between the top and middle ropes during your match against Joe L. Also, have you considered adding more stipulations to the match, such as a hair vs. hair match, where the loser gets his head shaved (in which case you’d have a decided advantage)?

  8. 11coreya - May 14, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    David Ortiz+Mike Lowell+JD Drew Salries= $38.5 million a year
    Jon Lester+Dustin Pedroia+Jacoby Ellsbury= $7.75 million a year
    need i say more

  9. 11coreya - May 14, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    if i add youkilis to the second list its up to $16.75 million a year

  10. scatterbrian - May 14, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    “need i say more”
    Yes, you should mention that the first three were signed as free agents, and the last three are all under team control and haven’t reached a point where they can command a higher salary. In other words, comparing their salaries isn’t really useful.

  11. 11coreya - May 14, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    ortiz hasnt lived up to his contract recently. drew definately hasnt. lowell was solid for two years

  12. Alex K - May 14, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    Drew has lived up to the contract. He isn’t anywhere near overpaid. Yeah, he was in ’07 but not any year since.
    http://www.fangraphs.com/statss.aspx?playerid=1152&position=OF

  13. Birdman6824 - May 14, 2010 at 6:47 PM

    Did you notice the link at the bottom of the Ortiz blog ? even better, I thought
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/russell-athletic-sheepishly-introduces-new-cup,17392
    captcha : peugeot south – one reason why I never owned one

  14. Grammar Police - May 15, 2010 at 7:45 AM

    drew definately hasnt.

    Definitely with an a? Are you kidding? If you want to be taken seriously, try using a spell checker. And maybe the odd apostrophe.

  15. harvey - May 15, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    Who cares …. you’re a jerk-off .I heard your real name is the grammar pussy .

  16. Sonny - May 15, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    Thanks for pointing out the brilliant moves of Theo the genius . The one move that tops them all is the Pillsbury Doughboy. (dice-k) I don’t know of any other GM that would have kept his job by sighing that bum for a hundred + million $. Keep up the good work Theo , maybe you could sign Gary Sheffield for a year @ 20 mil.

  17. JBerardi - May 15, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    Do you know any GMs that kept their jobs by winning two World Series rings and rattling off 95 win seasons (in the AL East) like clockwork? I know at least one…

    I do support the cutting of David Ortiz, however. Hermida and Lowell platoon at DH; problem solved.

  18. Sonny - May 16, 2010 at 5:51 AM

    Good point , but you know the old saying : ” What have you done for me lately “

  19. Sonny - May 16, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    The end for Ortiz is here , he just won’t accept it , or is too stupid to realize it .

  20. Charles Gates - May 16, 2010 at 10:57 PM

    The more important issue here, is that we may have finally found a writer that uses more commas per sentence than I usually do, though up until the ‘though,’ this sentence wasn’t such a good example of my typical writing style.

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