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Darn. Now we don't get an intentional vomiting trial

May 25, 2010, 12:15 PM EDT

Intentional vomiter.jpgRemember that guy in Philadelphia who intentionally thew up on the 11 year-old girl?  Yeah, that was wonderful.  Seems his legal team decided that he might not be able to win over a jury, because he pleaded guilty this morning:

A 21-year-old New Jersey man has pleaded guilty
to intentionally vomiting on a man and his 11-year-old daughter in the
stands during a Philadelphia Phillies game. Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, N.J., pleaded guilty to simple assault and other charges

I know it would have been a tough case and everything, but if I was representing him I would have considered taking this baby to trial. Why? Thin forensic evidence! You can’t dust for vomit!

But yeah, I suppose the DNA evidence could be a killer.

  1. Morgan W - May 25, 2010 at 12:35 PM

    If you look quite closely, he does sort of resemble a rather large bird. Perhaps he just mistook someone elses young for his own? If anyone should of been tased, it was this guy.

  2. Jonny5 - May 25, 2010 at 12:39 PM

    Some people should be removed from the gene pool immediately. Imagine what type of offspring will arise from this guys prized loins…. And add that to the DNA of a woman who allows this guy to add 23 chromosones to her 23 and you get a crazy combo. Let’s just say we need to start building more prisons if this type of procreation is allowed.

  3. BCTF - May 25, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    This guy has got to be an illegitimate love child of John Kruk

  4. Curious George - May 25, 2010 at 12:58 PM

    If anyone should of been tased, it was this guy.

    Set tasers to stun. Wait, never mind. That would be redundant.

  5. Old Gator - May 25, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    In response to your trenchant eugenics theorizing, I refer you to these lyrics from the Jefferson Airplane’s song “Rejoyce,” from their alltime classic album After Bathing at Baxter’s:
    Your lions are fighting with chairs
    Your arms are incredibly fat
    Your women are tired of dying alive
    If you’ve had any women at that.
    Yep, Grace could really bring it. Do you believe that she’s seventy?
    And speaking of fat, reCaptcha: between bonbons

  6. Old Gator - May 25, 2010 at 1:44 PM

    If so, they probably should have removed both testicles.
    Then again, come on. Can you imagine what his mother must have looked like? Let’s give the Krukster a little credit for having better taste than that, or at least for being incapable of getting that drunk – even on a road trip.

  7. Morgan W - May 25, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    Kruk?? No way. It’s basically big John D with a wig on. Didn’t he get into a spot of bother in a Hooters Bar performing the same act? Here folks we have genetic liniage….
    Im still sticking with the big bird theory. Do Seals throw up aperitif’s to their young also?

  8. Morgan W - May 25, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    Sticking to a similar sort of Genre….I’m going to say possibly ‘Mamma Cass’ (just before her last sandwich) as the ‘mother’ who cast this individual so ill equiped out into the open world. Kruk would of had to be a very very young man, but it’s actually physically possible that both Kruk and Cass are the parents/owner/indivials responsible? The mind boggles…

  9. Jonny5 - May 25, 2010 at 2:29 PM

    LMAO!!! Gator, I think Jefferson Airplane would be perfect to give this young “man” advice. As a wise woman once belted…..
    And if you go chasing rabbits
    And you know you’re going to fall
    Tell ’em a hookah smoking caterpillar
    Has given you the call
    Call Alice
    When she was just small
    When logic and proportion
    Have fallen sloppy dead
    And the White Knight is talking backwards
    And the Red Queen’s “off with her head!”
    Remember what the dormouse said;
    “Keep YOUR HEAD
    He’d do the world a favor to “keep his head” and his Vomit to himself.

  10. ed - May 25, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    Seriously? No one has given you a shout out for the spinal tap reference? Kudos

  11. JudyJ - May 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    This guy is a disgusting, low-life pig! The only sincerely good thing was that he wasn’t driving a car. Oh, the Phillies must be so proud!

  12. Real Vikings fans wouldn't cheer for Favre - May 25, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    haha I thought it looked like a young John Kruk too!
    But this guy is a peice of garbage

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