May 27, 2010, 1:28 PM EST
Yesterday’s Ray-stung-by-ray story had every internet jokester wondering how that would work if the guy played for, say, the Tigers or the Pirates. Today the Orange County Register’s Sam Miller tries to approach the question objectively by ranking the mascots by threat level.
Sam’s best line comes when noting that the Mets — short for “Metropolitans” or, in other words, “a person from New York” — aren’t that threatening:
If you’ve been to Brooklyn lately, though, you know there’s nothing
scary about it — there’s no crime, everybody’s a hipster, and thanks to
Bloomberg there’s not even any second-hand smoke or transfats to
When guys from Orange County, California can call out the poseur Brooklynites (and there’s a photo!), you know your race has run. Time to find somewhere else to live, hipsters!
And for the record, while there is no major league team where I live, we do have the Buckeyes, which are poisonous nuts. We scoff at ray attacks.
- Bud Selig will get a $6 million a year pension. Which is obscene. 7
- Jake Peavy agrees to a two-year, $24 million deal to stay with the San Francisco Giants 3
- Matt Kemp has officially been traded to the Padres 23
- Padres acquire catcher Derek Norris from Athletics 33
- St. Petersburg City Council votes down deal to allow Rays to look for new stadium site 87
- What will the future of Cuban players in MLB look like? 25
- Royals sign Edinson Volquez for two years, $20 million 29
- Rays, Padres, Nationals agree to 11-player trade 97
- Baseball’s highest-ranking Hispanic woman employee sues for discrimination (163)
- The United States will seek to normalize relations with Cuba (144)
- Cubs, Red Sox, Dodgers, Padres, Rangers, and Astros interested in Phillies’ Cole Hamels (111)
- Rays, Padres, Nationals agree to 11-player trade (97)
- Chase Headley signs a four-year deal with the Yankees worth at least $52 million. (95)