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Dice-K suffers from "intestinal turmoil"

Jun 9, 2010, 5:11 PM EDT

Stand by me guy.jpgOne of the reasons teams have media relations people is so that a nice little shine can be put on news tidbits that aren’t particularly shiny. Health updates are one of those things. For example, did you know that there’s an exhibit in the PR Professionals Hall of Fame dedicated to preserving the memory of one Alfred R. Wilkinson? Who is Alfred Wilkinson you ask? Why, he’s the former Yankees PR man who came up with the term “flulike smptoms” to cover for Mikey Mantle’s legendary May 19th-23rd 1962 Minneapolis bender, and it’s been used ever since. It’s true! (note: may not be true).

I bring this up because I’m sure the Boston Red Sox have their own version of Alfred Wilkinson, and he probably should have been consulted before Terry Francona briefed the media on why Daisuke Matsuzaka had to cut his side session short today:

Daisuke Matsuzaka was forced to abandon his scheduled side session
due to what Red Sox manager Terry Francona classified as ‘intestinal
turmoil.’ The pitcher threw up after executing long toss, not getting a
chance to begin his work in the bullpen. Matsuzaka was sent back to the
team hotel with the hope that he will be able to throw a lighter side
session Thursday.

“He got sick,” Francona said. “I don’t know how you say that in
Japanese, but he puked.”

Sure, maybe “flulike symptons” is not appropriate for Matsusaka’s particular situation, but I’m sure there was a more artful way that could have been phrased. How about “stomach flu?”  Or perhaps he had a sore thumb!  Everyone has one of those these days!

But really, if the Sox are going to bypass their P.R. people, the least they could do is let Dustin Pedroia do the briefings. I’m sure the guy who came up with “laser show” could characterize Dice-K’s little problem in a much more entertaining way.

  1. Josh Borken - Jun 9, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    Of course Superman would win. Might Mouse is a cartoon. Superman is a real guy.

  2. YankeesfanLen - Jun 9, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    I think I stayed at that PR HOF one time outside of Seaside Heights, NJ> That double length carport thing keeps you dry when checking in with a roly-poly little batface girl and trying to keep the 6-packs cold. Room 208 was my favorite, commode didn’t shake too much.

  3. Grant - Jun 9, 2010 at 6:35 PM

    Glad to know that Mickey Mantle was in the midst of a bender exactly 24 years before I was born.

  4. scatterbrian - Jun 9, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    Boom-baba-boom-baba-boom
    The Benevolent Order of the Antelopes were hardly benevolent.

  5. TD - Jun 9, 2010 at 8:55 PM

    a little long-toss, followed by some short-toss..

  6. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 9:49 PM

    Thanks for the photo, Craig. Xenadrine is expensive and you just saved me my evening dose.

  7. JBerardi - Jun 9, 2010 at 11:55 PM

    Matsuzka has been giving me intestinal turmoil ever since he joined the Red Sox.

  8. partytime - Jun 10, 2010 at 12:51 AM

    If he bothers you , how do you think the Sox feel after blowing 101 million dollars on this stiff. If all else fails maybe the Sox can get him a cart selling hot bogs at Fenway, at least until his contract runs out . I’m just sayin.

  9. vinod - Jun 10, 2010 at 9:33 AM

    Matsuzka has been giving me intestinal turmoil ever since he joined the Red Sox….

  10. michael standish - Jun 10, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    Indeed, the photo was almost as ugly as the image of a larval Steinbrenner.

  11. franko - Jun 10, 2010 at 7:10 PM

    You shouldn’t worry about Steinbrenner , your team has enough problems to worry about. One big one is to find an excuse for signing Matsuzaka . The only thing I can figure is the Sox must have thought the Yankees were interested . The Sox have always had wad envy when it comes to the Yankees.

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