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Mike Stanton has a solid debut for the Marlins

Jun 9, 2010, 9:33 AM EDT

Mike Stanton swings.jpgStephen Strasburg wasn’t the only franchise savior who debuted last night. Mike Stanton was called up by the Marlins and had himself a solid debut: 3 for 5 with two runs scored. All of the hits were singles, but given that Stanton’s M.O. is to swing for the fences and strikeout whenever he doesn’t mash it, the Marlins will take the contact, no problem.

Best thing about his debut: he had to spend the hours before the game trying to find a suit because the Marlins have a farkakte team rule requiring every player to wear business clothes on road trips. OK, maybe it’s not farkakte –I get the whole look professional, feel professional thing — but (a) “professional” for a baseball player involves athletic gear, not dress socks; and (b) I’d rather my young stud spend his pre-game hours reading scouting reports, not hanging out at a Men’s Warehouse. Maybe I’m just projecting, though. I’m not a fan of suits.

Either way, I would have liked to see the look on the face of the dude at Men’s Warehouse when asked if he had something on the rack that could fit a dude who is 6’5″ and weighs 233 pounds.

  1. Barron - Jun 9, 2010 at 10:02 AM

    Poor guy… they couldn’t have debuted him a day later? Talk about under the radar.

  2. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    I see the point of the suits. Scrooge McLoria wants his guys to look sharp so people will think they’re being paid well.
    Me, I’d rather be clamped in an iron maiden full of rusty spikes and dumped in the settling pond behind a vinyl flooring factory than have to walk around in the sublime heat and humidity of Macondo in a goddamned suit. If I were running this team, it would be light cotton Cuban hibiscus print sport shirts worn over bleached out jeans shorts and flipflops. Okay, pennyloafers on the plane rides so the guys wouldn’t have to keep spraying their feet with Dr. Scholl’s foot deoderizer every hour or so. Cut back on the dehydration and fatigue of lugging suits around their poor shvitzing bodies, and we’d be five games ahead of Atlanta by now, even with our horrible boolpen.

  3. Jonny5 - Jun 9, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    As we speak, the “Men’s Warehouse” is putting a hit out on poor Craiggy….”You WILL like how you look, I gaurantee it.”

  4. Jonny5 - Jun 9, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    Gator, Are you a “Parrot head” or what?

  5. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 12:58 PM

    No, I was a beach bum at heart before dinosaurs evolved into birds. No one had ever heard of Jimmy Buffet (or that horrible sump water he tries to pass off as beer) when I cut my first day of classes to laze around in the shade of a palm tree, sucking sea grapes and creamsicles and ogling beach babes. Max Schulman was walking by, tripped over me, and three days later came up with the idea of Maynard G. Krebs. I go that far back.
    Anyway, parrots suck. They gnaw on my papayas, so when I go to pick one it’s got gouges out of it and it’s full of fruit fly maggots. Thank Buddha that we now have feral monitor lizards that eat their miserable, pathetic, helpless worm-like nestlings. The only “parrot head” I’d have would be a row of them impaled along my fence to warn their miserable, lice-and-fluke-and-psittacosis-infested brethren to stay the hell away from my orchard – and my beloved 1999 Mercury Marquis with the Obama bumper sticker (as featured right here on this blog in February).

  6. WHATrYOUsmoking - Jun 9, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    GATOR whatever your smoking ,maybe i should try some….

  7. IhateSUITS - Jun 9, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    i agree i would rather be anywhere but mens wearhouse… The one in my neighborhood is over run with people of alternative lifestyles!!

  8. Jimmy Marlins Fan - Jun 9, 2010 at 1:51 PM

    scroogey wants the players to look nice so ill just continue to hammer loria because he kicked my dog once

  9. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    You should, but be sure to have Electric Ladyland cued up and ready to spin when you do.
    reCaptcha: samson and. A case of Lowenbrau Oktoberfest Dark Special to whomever can complete that phrase.

  10. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 2:09 PM

    My dog would have bitten his leg off if he had tried. Dingo takes after a Dire Wolf moreso than a faux-Chihuahua like David Samson, whom Dingo would have eaten alive in the event of an ill-advised intervention. Then Scrooge could have chosen between a cheap wooden peg like Ahab’s, or an expensive articulated prosthesis like the ones on The Human Body Shop, the deductible for which would have been more than the entire price of the wooden one. Betcha can’t guess which one he would have picked?
    reCaptcha: addition deferred. Heh heh, talk about staying on topic.
    Dingo! Daddy’s got a sauropod femur for you! Here, boy!

  11. Jonny5 - Jun 9, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    Gator, you have it all wrong older duuuude. It’s not electric ladyland you want cued up. What you need to go for if you need the full Hendrix experience is The Blues Album he put out. I highly recommend “Electric church” red house, Bleeding heart, Once I had a woman, and Jelly 292. Hell the entire album actually blows away everything else the man has created. BTW I can’t stand Jimmy Buffet, no offense to the parrot heads out there, it’s not their fault they’re misguided in the realm of music.

  12. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    Well now, then I must check that one out. Hard to imagine anything could top EL – saw him at the Fillmore East when he did the promo tour for EL in, what, 1969 or so? One of the great shows I’ve ever attended, right up there with Jefferson Airplane and the Youngbloods over Thanksgiving 1969 at the Fillmore East, or the Dead with Bruce Hornsby at MSG in 1992. EL was always my favorite JH album. Band of Gypsies never affected me much, though. Gracias por la indirecta.

  13. Jonny5 - Jun 9, 2010 at 3:50 PM

    Well the closest I ever have, or ever will get to that is when I saw the “hendrix experience tour”. I was fortunate enough that I saw it right before Mitch Mitchell died. I also got to see double trouble play with him, which was super sweet.

  14. Old Gator - Jun 9, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    Nearly went to see Fat Mattress some years back but something came up and I had to scrub it – can’t remember what it was.
    Well, that’s the advantage to being an old fart. Once you get past the cataracts, uncontrollable flatus, fallaway teeth, plantar fasciitis, hanging puppick, retractable hose, encroaching alopecia, enlarged prostate, quivering hands, metastatic birthmarks, memory loss, sagging jowls and shrinking nest egg, it’s really cool to be able to relax in your wheelchair and think back to the days of cheap killer weed, memorable shows, the peregrine joint making its way along the row of seats, great bands the likes of which we’ll never see again. I keep telling these kids here that I wouldn’t trade my incipient senescence for all the days of their golden youth.
    Of course, I’m completely full of shit.

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