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Charlie Manuel suspended for bumpin' an ump

Jul 1, 2010, 3:12 PM EDT

Phillies’ skipper Charlie Manuel argued balls and strikes with world’s worst umpire C.B. Bucknor on Tuesday night, his hat apparently brushed Bucknor’s head and now Manuel has been suspended for one game for “aggressive
arguing and inappropriate contact.”

Whatever. C.B. Bucknor couldn’t call a strike on the strikingest day of his life with an electrified strike machine, so he deserved Manuel getting all up in his business. The only thing I can’t figure out is how Bucknor even saw Cholly’s cap hit his head.

For his part, Manuel has issued a statement about the incident:*

Boy howdy, I’m not one to get sore, but when this wise guy tried to give me the high hat I was seein’ red.  So’s I start in, see, and he comes back with his “ya betta watchyaself, Cholly” rebob, and that’s when I flipped my lid. The last person who told me to watch myself was my ‘ma, and last I peeped, this eephus wasn’t sweet and wonderful like she was, so I called applesauce on the palooka’s jive, ya follow?

Lord love a duck, but if givin’ C.B. Bucknor the business is wrong I don’t wanna be right.  As for the suspension, I’ll dangle for a game in Pittsburgh just swell. Yinzers is my kind of people anyways. Give me some free time there any day of the week and twice on Sunday, and I can do things up just jake, see?

That’s all I got boys, the train’s leaving.

*This statement was relayed psychically, only to me, via the little voice in Charlie Manuel’s head that says the things I like to imagine him saying.

  1. nps6724 - Jul 1, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    So he was in The Sting I take it?

  2. Jonny5 - Jul 1, 2010 at 3:46 PM

    LMAO!!!!! Craig, that was a gem. I saw the argument, it was warranted since he called a strike at about 4″ below the knee. If the cap rubbed him it was barely, and by accident because I never saw it, and Buckners head didn’t move. The suspension is lame. So six games this season due to arguing the ump Charlie?? You’re on bad ass “feller” aincha?

  3. aleskel - Jul 1, 2010 at 4:03 PM

    I love your Cholly-talk, Craig, but I’m having trouble – who’s voice should I be reading that in? I’m thinking Edward G. Robinson.

  4. Craig Calcaterra - Jul 1, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    I struggle with that myself. I tend to go less edgy in the voice. Every see “Miller’s Crossing?” The mayor has a brief scene in that movie, says stuff like “Geez, Leo, I was just speculatin’ about a hypothesis here.” I kind of think of that.

  5. aleskel - Jul 1, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    I picked up on that when you used “givin’ me the high hat.” I’ll have to work on that, maybe watch Miller’s Crossing a few dozen more times.

  6. Ditto65 - Jul 1, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    Cholly’s been at it long enough to know he needs to turn his hat around or throw it.

  7. Utley's hair - Jul 1, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    Cholly’s got a night off in…Pittsburgh. Isn’t the city shut down by first pitch?

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