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HBT Extra: Dysfunction Junction with Upton, Zambrano and Kemp

Jul 1, 2010, 9:51 AM EDT

We taped this before Matt Kemp went and pulled that 3 for 4 with a homer and three RBI game out of his butt yesterday, but at least 2/3 of the video hasn't been overtaken by events, so enjoy!

  1. Professor Longnose - Jul 1, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    Upton, Zambrano, and Kemp
    Three hotheads whose heads keep on upping the temp-
    Erature. Each is surely a very fine fellow
    Who only need lessons in how to be mellow,
    A class in controlling their wrath
    Or maybe a pine-scented, cool bubble bath
    To wash away anger, or maybe they need
    A mug of hot chocolate, a pipe full of weed
    Or even a pipe full of hemp.
    Poor Upton, Zambrano, and Kemp.
    Upton and Kemp and Zambrano
    Three horrible losers, who squirt out their guano
    All over their teammates, and also the fans
    It’s time to hand each of these three lifetime bans
    At least from TV; I despise
    Having to watch as they loaf after flies
    Or give up home runs. Or should they face their doom
    Together inside a great white padded room
    Where they can fight mano a mano (a mano?)?
    Damn Upton and Kemp and Zambrano.
    Kemp and Zambrano and Upton
    I just love to watch ‘em when they start eruptin’
    It makes every game like the 4th of July:
    A fireworks show as they blow up sky high.
    You surely can’t say that it’s dull
    To watch as a hothead goes out of his skull
    It’s better than watching the Dodgers or Rays
    Or Cubs, with the baseball they’re playing these days.
    So get off their cases, and don’t be disruptin’
    Wild Kemp and Zambrano and Upton.

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