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Vlad Guerrero abuses his former team

Jul 1, 2010, 9:28 AM EDT

If baseball teams could date, Vlad would be that girl the Angels idiotically dumped last year.

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. I’m only 36 years-old, so if you do the math you’ll realize that I didn’t exactly have a long dating career before gettin’ hitched.  As such, I’ve never had to experience that dynamic in which I dumped a girl, went on with my life and, a year later, saw her walk by, looking hotter than ever, making me wonder what the hell I was thinking.

But after the past few days I bet it feels a lot like being an Angels fan.

Vladimir Guerrero (i.e. the girlfriend) went 4 for 4 with two homers and four RBI last night.  In four games against the Angels this year he’s gone 10 for 16 with four
homers.  Forget just bein’ hot: in this case the ex-girlfriend is hot and came into some money too.

The Rangers are now ahead of the Angels by four and a half games in the West. Which, to beat the final bit of life out of my metaphor, is the equivalent of not just seeing your hot, rich ex-girlfriend walk by, but seeing her arm-in-arm with the guy who took your job after you got laid off.

In other news, this is now the Angels new theme song.

  1. Chris Fiorentino - Jul 1, 2010 at 9:44 AM

    Funny, today also would have been my 15th wedding anniversary, except I got divorced 6 years ago and instead, last week was the 3rd anniversary of my second wedding. Congrats to you on 15 years.
    The Angels made a mistake letting Vlad go last year…even though he was injured and his power #s were down, he still hit .295 in almost 400 ABs. Matsui is OK, but his knees are worse than Vlad’s.

  2. Jonny5 - Jul 1, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    Vlad is an awesome name. I wonder if he has anyone impaled around his property, like paparazzi reporters. That wouldn’t even keep them away I bet…

  3. YankeesfanLen - Jul 1, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    Was thinking more along the lines on “Who’s Sorry Now”

  4. APBA Guy - Jul 1, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    Congrats on 15. That’s as far as I got, no doubt due to things like spending too much time lingering over the Tiffany Simon segment.

  5. ranksubjugation - Jul 1, 2010 at 12:39 PM

    I’ll throw in a bid for Cinderella’s “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone).”

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