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Giant-headed, be-mulleted Randy Johnson wins sausage race ripoff in Arizona

Jul 5, 2010, 4:18 PM EDT

It’s entirely possible that someone else thought of pitting four giant plush mascots against one another in between-inning footraces before the Brewers did it with their sausage guys, but Milwaukee has always done it the best.  And, inevitably, it has led to copycats.  Giant president heads race in Washington.  Hot dogs race in Cleveland.  Tools race in Atlanta (really, Home Depot sponsors it and everything; one of the guys who dresses up even reads this blog!).  I’m sure there are others.

The latest is in Arizona, where they unleashed a Legends Race over the weekend.  The gimmick: the race takes place between giant caricatures of Randy Johnson, Mark Grace, Luis Gonzalez and Matt Williams.  The fact that all four of those dudes were as slow as molasses makes it all the more delicious. What, no Tony Womack? 

Anyway, Randy Johnson won the first one.  I’m assuming the egos of the players involved will not allow the Dbacks to do with these races what other teams do with theirs in constantly gaming it so that one of the mascots never wins (e.g. Teddy Roosevelt for the Nats).  If they do it with anyone it should be Mark Grace, though, considering he’s a smoker.  Having him hack his way to fourth place every night would probably send a good message out there to the kids, ya know?

  1. Old Gator - Jul 5, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Maybe we could get the Bread and Puppet Theater to come down here to Macondo and construct a set of Scrooge McLoria’s four greatest nightmares: a federal tax inspector, Joe Girardi, Bobby Valentine and Clifford Irving so the Feesh could stage another pointless special event themselves. I suppose they could also construct one small Chihuahua effigy to fire the starting pistol.

  2. Buccofan - Jul 5, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    Not a starting pistol, a vuvuzela.

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