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HBT Weekend Wrapup

Aug 16, 2010, 8:25 AM EDT

There's absolutely nothing cool about anyone who works for HardballTalk, but we're going to try to get you through the dog days of summer all the same.

I took Friday off, which has me completely discombobulated, baseball wise. I’m going on vacation next week and will be unplugging for the entire trip. If I can expect my discombobulation to be seven times what I’m feeling right now, I’m pretty sure my chances of surviving with my sanity intact are zero. So welcome to the last productive week of HardballTalk!

As for the weekend:

  • Jonathan Broxton lost his closer’s job because he has lost his confidence. This is the saddest thing I’ve witnessed since that evil doctor stole Fonzie’s cool in that late-run “Happy Days” episode. Of course by that point they had introduced Roger and Eugene, made the Fonz a teacher and Jenny Piccolo was a real character instead of someone Joanie just talked about, so the cool was long gone to begin with. Much like the Dodgers’ playoff chances.
  • Andy Pettitte suffered a setback during a simulated game. No one is sure if the setback itself is real, however. Simulated games are like the “Inception” of the baseball world in that way.
  • The Rangers’ new owners lower beer prices, among other fan-friendly things. Doing such a thing is such a no-brainer in terms of the creation of fan goodwill that it’s amazing more teams don’t do stuff like this. I mean really, if anyone is qualified to make no-brainer moves, it’s baseball owners.
  • When does Jose Canseco’s big league pension kick in? Because, really, it’s getting sad to see him go from job to job like this. Of course, Canseco serving as bench coach is fairly useful in that it conclusively proves what I’ve long suspected: bench coaches don’t actually do anything.
  • Chipper Jones had successful surgery. I am not making this up: part of the ligament graft came from a cadaver. Which means that the Mets’ worst fears will be coming true next season: Zombie Chipper.
  • K-Rod apologizes. I haven’t read the apology yet, but I assume it has something to do with his pummeling fists being taken out of context.
  • It’s cute that Joe Torre thinks he’s still in New York and thus the whole world is waiting to hear what his career plans are.
  • Carlos Zambrano wins his first start since his return from crazyland. This was really the only game I saw over the weekend. My daughter watched part of it with me. After listening to some of the game she said “what are ‘his issues?'”
  • A-Rod hits three bombs against the Royals. If I ran a New York tabloid I’d be real tempted to have one of my columnists write a thing about how Rodriguez is too lazy to run and thus insists on slow jogs.
  • Rob Dibble kinda sorta not really apologizes for making fun of some women fans he assumed to be talking about shopping while in the stands at a Nats game. He did not apologize, however, for failing to grasp the irony of his calling people out for talking bullsh– during a baseball game.

And with that, let us proceed with our week, shall we?

  1. YankeesfanLen - Aug 16, 2010 at 8:37 AM

    I’ll be off to YouTube today trying to find an old clip from The Ed Sullivan Show of Martha and the Vandellas cover of “If I Had A Hammer”. Musical gold, that.

  2. Old Gator - Aug 16, 2010 at 9:56 AM

    Indeed, the Iron Giant is making his mark. He’s pulled his average up to a solid .275 replete with base hits to the opposite field and much more selective at-bats. He’s going to be the real deal, I think. Now all the Feesh need (aside from a functional boolpen and a real third baseman) is for Cameron Maybin to come up on September 1st and prove that he’s finally figured out how to hit major league pitching consistently.
    A new owner would be nice, too….didn’t Scrooge McLoria partner with Tom Hicks in anything?

  3. Kiwicricket - Aug 16, 2010 at 11:08 AM

    Dibble hardly spoke for the first 30minutes of the Nats game! I got the vibe from my computer-screen on the other side of the planet, that he was like a naughty dog which had just been punished. I especially liked the ‘some nasty things have been said about me over the internet on blogs etc’ statement. Sadly, his silence died a horrible death after his ‘clarification of yesterdays comments’ blat.

  4. Old Gator - Aug 16, 2010 at 11:19 AM

    Yikes, the Rays are one game back. That failure to launch in KC yesterday made things start to look ugly. The Borg ought to be careful where they sit – look at what happened to Steve Irwin! – unless or until they can put a little daylight between themselves and the Devilfeesh.

  5. YankeesfanLen - Aug 16, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    Since you’ve already copyrighted the “strange attractor” I have to keep coming up with variations to keep myself from the likes of Craig’s brood. In the past 3 weeks the Univere has been at the TwinTurbine Dynaflow, which is of course indicative of making no progress, much like a 40s-50s Buick which is to get to a level of speed and then, given only one gear, does not proceed further. 27 over and holding.
    Luckily, the Rays are in the obtuse rectangle as well.

  6. APBA Guy - Aug 16, 2010 at 12:34 PM

    Oh to be a Yankees or Rays fan, and to concern myself with winning, pennants and such. In further A’s news, their prized rookie, Kid Carter, is 0 for 19 with 9 strikeouts. I think the MLB record hitless debut is 0-27. These are the things we A’s fans ponder, in between naps at the game.

  7. Old Gator - Aug 16, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    “Strange Attractor” was the least of my accomplishments – I think there was even a thrash band by that name but since I viewed thrash as the auditory equivalent of a tabloid cover at the supermarket checkout counter and never listened to it I won’t be able to be sure of that until Roderigo y Gabriela verify its existence with an acoustic version on one of their next CDs.
    However, I do think my designation of Mike Stanton as The Iron Giant is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize – which, if I win, being an intensely private individual on a number of Republican hit lists, I will send Professor Irwin Corey to receive on my behalf. They haven’t seen him since he picked up Pynchon’s NBA for Gravity’s Rainbow and it’ll be just like Old Timer’s Day.

  8. schmedley - Aug 16, 2010 at 8:15 PM

    Craig, I thought that I was the only one who still watched Happy Days during those tragic final seasons. I remember the Fonz wearing a tweed jacket with elbow patches when he taught class. Very un-cool. He also settled down and had a steady girlfriend (Linda Purl). About the only good thing about those last years was that they brought back Arnold when Al married Chachi’s Mom and moved to Chicago, but after Joanie Loves Chachi was cancelled, they brought back Al to co-manage Arnold’s along with Arnold. The only thing that could top that would be if Mr. Roper and Mr. Furley shared landlord duties on Three’s Company.
    Anyway, as bad as Happy Days was those last few seasons, Laverne and Shirley was even worse. Shirley left the show and Laverne moved to L.A. I don’t think that Garry Marshall knew how to end shows gracefully.

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