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While you were grilling, we were blogging. Here's what you missed

Sep 7, 2010, 8:22 AM EDT

And a few introductory words about why I'm a little worried about some of you.

There’s something simultaneously uplifting and disturbing about the fact that — based on blog traffic patterns anyway — the vast majority of you read HardballTalk at work.

Uplifting because it stands as evidence that thousands upon thousands of you are not content to kowtow to The Man and limit your online reading to trade publications and stuff that helps build the business that makes his boat payment. Disturbing in that I’m sure a healthy number of you are doctors and engineers and teachers and stuff, and our society rather depends on you staying on task and doing a good job. But hey, if you don’t read about baseball online I don’t eat, so I won’t think about it too much.

Anyway, the point of this is that I know that a great many of you were offline for the holiday yesterday and missed some of the totally boffo licks HBT threw down. Such as:

  • Killer Bs! Well, maybe it wasn’t a killer B, but it could definitely have left a nasty gash.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled work week.

  1. Jonny5 - Sep 7, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    I was wheeling through the NJ pine barrens looking for adventure. Great time…. And grilling…Anyway i miss alot when I’m not at work. I see that now. If I didn’t have baseball and blogs to track while at work I’d go nuts. NUTS! Thank you.

  2. mcsnide - Sep 7, 2010 at 10:39 AM

    I noticed you left lawyers out of your list of people who shouldn’t be wasting time on baseball blogs. Any particular reason for that?

  3. Craig Calcaterra - Sep 7, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    Well, with all due respect to the fine work lawyers do, no one ever died as a result of my goofing off on the Internet. If I started to see more prosecutor and public defender IPs in the site stats than big corporate law firm ones, I’d probably be more worried.

  4. Professor Longnose - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    I bet almost everyone who reads HBT is an insurance actuary, in which case it won’t really matter how much work they get done until we’re dead.

  5. Utley's hair - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    Well, I was driving. And the fuzz tend to not like blogging and driving so much. It’s just the Man keeping me down. Okay…maybe physics and inertia may have something to do with it, too, but then that’s another law, now isn’t it?

  6. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    You should have stopped every so often to flip over a rotten railroad tie and look for pine snakes. There’s nothing more exciting than uncovering a big, mean, hissing, coiling, tail-buzzing pine snake and then showing your date how butch you are by grabbing it behind the head before it can sink its teeth into your hand. True, you shall be shat upon in the process when the damned thing wheels its venter around at you while you’re busy showing off how big it is, and you will stink like a landfill after an earthquake through your third consecutive shower, and it’ll kill dinner, but hey, she’ll reward you for it later.

  7. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    Of course, one or two of your ticket fixes wound up with capital sentences because you were busy transcribing another one of Lars’ comments, but that’s okay because these things happen.

  8. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:58 AM

    I give you six years, four months, three days and seven hours more. You should have kept your mouth shut.

  9. Infinite Wisdom - Sep 7, 2010 at 11:58 AM

    I’d be very interested in hearing about the professions and educations of the regular participants on here.. There are some smarties.. and some.. morons.

  10. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    Murphy’s law. It’s the missing link that unifies gravity, electromagnetism and the weak and strong nuclear forces. It’s symbolized by the hyphen in Miami-Dade (I think I noted this somewhere before). You would think that those ivy tower snobs would have figured out after all these years that if they couldn’t tie it all together with their usual run of differential equations or seen how it all works in a single flash of insight while sitting in their hot tubs with a frozen margarita, which worked fine for black holes so they figured it would work for unifying the field, but no, that the obvious answer was that you couldn’t unify the field, in which case only Murphy’s Law provides a satisfactory solution. It also provides an explanation for the Chicago Cubs’ seasons – any of them, though in that particular case I favor the theory that it’s cause by an Indonesian prion vectored by billygoats.
    .
    This stuff actually keeps me awake nights, you know?

  11. Jonny5 - Sep 7, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    Naaa, see I’ve grown up in a nice little place called Red Lion (intersting story about how that name came about actually…) Which borders on the pine barrens. See I am well versed in the art of trapping snakes from my youth, and I’ve learned long ago not to mess with those pine snakes, which funny enough try to pass themselves off as rattlesnakes, which we also have in Jersey believe it or not. If i want to impress I’d grab ahold of a mild natured black rat snake, which grows to about 6′ long where I was. These things are a joy to catch, you not only look manly for catching such a large critter, but when you show your doctor Doolittle side and “train” a wild snake to be tame while you hold it (they rarely bite when held gently). It just melts the girls hearts, and it quickly goes from a maybe, to a sure thing. Wait, those days are over for me now. Now I’d just get yelled at by my wife to leave the poor snake be. Ahhhh, Love n marriage…………..I never understood that song until I was a couple years into it myself. Good old Frankie tried to warn me.

  12. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    Yeah, I know about the rattlesnake bluff – note my comment about “tail buzzing” above. I’ve got a small pine snake now – not quite a baby but far from an adult (you generally can’t get an adult to feed in captivity unless you caught it as a very young specimen). And they are obnoxious – never seen an adult tame down enough to let go of its neck with any kind of confidence.
    .
    And of course there’s Friendo, my baby pygmy rattler. He buzzes for real. Cutest little thang ye ever seed.
    .
    Those black rat snakes, though, are really a good-natured breed, unless you happen to be a rodent. What I love about rat snakes in general is how they all look alike as babies, then the black rats turn black, the chicken snakes turn yellow, the corn snakes turn red and the gray rats just get bigger and stay the way they looked when they were born. Our chicken snakes get upwards of seven feet long down here in Macondo. Seen some roadkills that might’ve been bigger than that down by Homestead. Had one in our big sago palm the other day, no doubt looking for young possums.

  13. Jonny5 - Sep 7, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    Yeah, my mom raise a pine snake when she was a kid. It was as friendly as a pine snake can get though. I used to keep Garters and those adorable little flat head snakes as pets when I was a kid, they travel via pocket quite well.. Hey Gator, what’s your take on the problem you floridians face with released pythons and boas in Fla? Do you think the ecosystem is totally effed from here on out? Or do you think you’ll be able to get a handle on it? These things are eating baby Gators. You concerned?

  14. John_Michael - Sep 7, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    So that’s what Hawking was talking about last week. I guess I could see Miami-Dade as the center and beginning of the universe.

  15. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    Well, there’s already been a novel entitled Schroedinger’s Cat. Maybe I’ll write one someday called Hawking’s Chicken.

  16. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 5:13 PM

    Well, if I were a baby gator I might be. But I was talking to a park ranger not too many weeks ago and he pointed out something very interesting: our foxes and bobcats, midlevel terrestrial predators, and even our coyotes have been pretty well exterminated outside the peripheries of the urban zones down here, and the big snakes have been filling the environmental niche these predators have left open. The boas and pythons may well keep us from being overrun with rats, rabbits and so forth, the former prey of the bobcats and what have you – and actually reconstitute the balance rather than destabilize the ecosystem. See, we sometimes get it right, even though we don’t have the slightest freaking idea of what we’re doing.
    .
    ‘Course all bets are off first time a kid gets eaten….

  17. Old Gator - Sep 7, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    I used to design prosthetic noses for Miccosukee and Seminole alligator wrestlers. I also occasionally did hands, and even did a head once.
    .
    Incidentally, you’d think that all the right wingnuts and neoconmen who come squalling onto the blog to expostulate upon their resentment of my occasional intrustions of political commentary on a sports blog would be offended at my mentioning snakes from time to time, but they’re apparently not fazed by this. Seems…incongruous, you know?

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