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A Braves minor league pitcher is probably in trouble

Sep 20, 2010, 9:39 AM EDT

Braves-Phillies preview at MLB.com (paraphrased): Jair Jurrjens looks to set the tone by taking the start tonight in Philly!

Braves minor league starter Brandon Beachy to his hometown paper, the Kokomo Tribune (paraphrased): I’m with the Braves in Philadelphia, Jair Jurrjens knee is injured, and if he can’t go, I’m going to get the start!

Braves GM Frank Wren to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution this morning (paraphrased): Jurrjens is fine. Beachy will not pitch.

If I wanted to paraphrase Wren a bit more liberally, I could have gone with “Thanks to him flapping his gums to the Hooterville Chronicle and (a) letting everyone know that our starter is gimpy; and (b) giving the Phillies 12 hours to dig up scouting reports on the emergency starter whom, really, only had the element of surprise in his favor, Brandon Beachy will never pitch for the Atlanta Braves as long as I’m alive.”

But maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

  1. BC - Sep 20, 2010 at 10:24 AM

    How many o’s are there in stooooooooooooooooooooooooooopid?

  2. Old Gator - Sep 20, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo = 27

  3. APBA Guy - Sep 20, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    They run Jurrjens out for 211 innings in his age 22 and 23 years, 188 of those when he’s 22 and teh Braves are not competitive, a 43 innings increase over his age 21 year. He shows up to camp this year with a bad shoulder, has another injury mid-year compensating for the shoulder, and now a bad knee, yet he still is going to pitch. Is Dallas Green running the Braves?

  4. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 11:24 AM

    In his defense, Only Tom Cruise and Bryan Brown know anything about Kokomo, so really, how many people could get ahold of a newspaper from there? What? Huh? What is this interwebs thing of which you speak? Oh, crap….

  5. matt - Sep 20, 2010 at 11:25 AM

    As a Phillies fan I say rest your knee Jurrjens !! There’s always next year!!

  6. BC - Sep 20, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    Thank you.

  7. BC - Sep 20, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    Because I felt like it:
    http://www.stardusttrailers.com/gallery_film/(180509212823)cocktail_1.jpg

  8. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    What? No Elisabeth Shue? I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO disappointed.

  9. BC - Sep 20, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    Gina Gershon was hotter. At least she was 22 years ago.

  10. birdmancometh - Sep 20, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    yeah, thats what I got too.

  11. birdmancometh - Sep 20, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    Don’t forget about the Beach Boys. They are also familiar with Kokomo. In addition to the Bahamas, Key Largo, Montego, ect.

  12. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    Again, I believe we run into the Crackers/cookies legal standard.

  13. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    Damn…I KNEW I was going to get that song stuck in my head. Aruba, Jamaica…

  14. Jonny5 - Sep 20, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    ewwww I wanna take ya to the… You frigging baystards suck arse!! All day it’ll be there. All day, until I can cleanse my cortex with the melodies of Jimi Hendrix “blues” album.

  15. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    I really have no idea why I’m stuck in the 80s today.

  16. Jonny5 - Sep 20, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    One word. Or is it? VO5

  17. Utley's hair - Sep 20, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    Nope. Herbal Essences. Is that the one with the waterfalls?

  18. Jonny5 - Sep 20, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    Herbal essences is the one your wife will leave you for. And apparently every man on earth should fear it. I’ve seen those commercials, and let me tell you, we aren’t any match for what herbal essences can do for a woman, apparently. We’re only good for taking out the trash and hanging pictures and stuff now. The Human race is now doomed. And Hair, if that’s in your shower, it may already be too late for you. But lucky for you it works on men too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghG4VbUWU3Q

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