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And That Happened: Monday's Scores and Highlights

Sep 21, 2010, 5:45 AM EDT

The Phillies extend their lead to four behind another great start from Cole Hamels. But really Phils fans: there are limits to how much you can taunt after beating Brandon Beachy.

Phillies 3, Braves 1: If, before last night, you said “on Monday the Braves are going to start a minor league swingman who has never thrown a pitch in the bigs against the Phillies in Citizens Bank Park and Philly will only score three runs,” I would have been fairly shocked and ultimately pleased, as far as it goes. But it could have been Greg Maddux v.1995 and it wouldn’t have made a difference because the Braves bats were just terrible. Not to take anything away from Cole Hamels, who was excellent, but Atlanta had its chances, but just hit into double plays and stranded guys and made bad errors and that’s pretty much the story of the last month.

By the way, I was amused at all of the “LoL! Braves suck!” sentiment from Philly fans on Twitter last night. Yes, my friends; the two-time defending National League Champions hung three whole runs on something called “Brandon Beachy” and the second string of the Braves bullpen. Clearly, your rooting interest was fearsome in its triumph. But hey, at least you Philly people have your own version of The Gimp.

Yankees 8, Rays 6: Curtis Granderson hit two homers, but each time the ball was devoured by the giant, insatiable head of the horrible, mammoth Steinbrenner Monument, which — due to its sheer mass — violated multiple laws of thermodynamics, came to life and sought something on which to feed. Just looking at it I can hear that “Xanadu: the costliest monument a man has built to himself!” voice-over running though my head over and over.

Marlins 4, Cardinals 0: Chris Volstad with the five-hit shutout. All the scoring came on a Brad Davis grand slam in the second. This one only lasted one hour and fifty-two minutes, allowing those in attendance to catch the whole game and still make it to the early bird special to steal Sweet N Low packets or whatever it is people who like to eat dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon to save a couple of bucks do in Florida.

Orioles 4, Red Sox 2: When Daisuke Matsuzaka dies, they’ll reprint a box score like this one instead of writing an actual obituary, because it pretty much captures his entire essence as a pitcher (6.1 IP, 6 H, 4 ER, 5 BB, 4K, 109 pitches). I got simultaneously bored and annoyed just reading that which, again, captures the essence of Dice-K.

Tigers 7, Royals 5: Yuniesky Betancourt was 4 for 4 with a homer and three RBI in a losing cause, blah, blah, blah . . . I’m more interested in the game story notes: “Brandon Inge’s two strikeouts gave him 1,094 in his career, leaving him five short of Lou Whitaker’s franchise record.”  Lou Whitaker? Really? I know he had longevity on his side but I would have guessed Willie Horton first and then maybe Norm Cash. Seems that they’re fifth and third, respectively, with Al Kaline coming in fourth. Never would have guessed Inge to even be top ten. Then again, if you had asked me before I looked, I never would have said that he’s played for the Tigers since 2001. Someone, please: where in the hell did the last decade go?

Astros 8, Nationals 2: The smallest crowd in the Nats brief history paid to watch the hometown nine throw/drop the ball all over the field, allowing four unearned runs to score in the fifth.

Twins 9, Indians 3: Danny Valencia hit his third homer in the last four games, this one an upper deck shot. But by far the coolest thing going for the Twins last night was that people were sending around this link to this week’s Sports Illustrated cover. I’m not a Twins fan by damn sight and it got me goin’. I’m guessing Aaron will have to take the day off to recover.

Reds 5, Brewers 2: Back-to-back homers by Votto and Rolen break a 2-2 tie and put the Reds back up by seven games. Zee magic number, she is six.

Athletics 3, White Sox 0: That’s seven straight losses for Chicago who, if I let my imagination run wild, I envision all working together to get their manager that job down in Miami that he seems to want. And hey: Boof Bonser sighting: he pitched the seventh and picked up the win, his first in over two years.

Angels 7, Rangers 4: David Murphy went 5 for 5, but it wasn’t enough as the Angels finally gave Jered Weaver some run support. The Rangers can’t clinch in this series, but they can when they move on to Oakland next.

  1. John_Michael - Sep 21, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    That’s like soooo 1700’s. Whatev.’
    Look, even the Fresh Prince of Bel Air new he had to get out of Philly to make something of himself.

  2. Jonny5 - Sep 21, 2010 at 12:57 PM

    Yes it is where our retirees go when they cannot afford Florida living. Also to buy flat screen tv’s and furniture. But I totally knew you were local. That’s cool. I wish my property taxes closely resembled yours btw. Mine are out of control just north of you.

  3. Jonny5 - Sep 21, 2010 at 1:03 PM

    It’s a good thing i live in Jersey, we’re on the up and up over here with no major league baseball team, no football team, the Sopranos, Jersey shore, Jersey housewives, wait, that’s all bad isn’t it?? damn! Well we do grow a heck of a lot of tasty veggies in this toxic soil, which has to count for something right?

  4. Simon Oliver Lockwood - Sep 21, 2010 at 2:09 PM

    That’s less an indictment than one would imagine, since no starter in the entire American League had an ERA below 3.00 in 2001. Freddy Garcia (of the Mariners) led the league that year with a 3.05 ERA.

  5. JBerardi - Sep 21, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    The Philly fan contingent around here is simply adorable. I want to tell you guys how many hundreds of miles away from being a “dynasty”, but you’re just so cute. It’s like telling a little girl that she’s not really going to be a princess when she grows up…

  6. Old Gator - Sep 21, 2010 at 3:19 PM

    I don’t know why your relatives can’t afford to live here. Rattlesnake repellent and sunblock haven’t gone up in price that much, even if they are petroleum byproducts.

  7. Route36West - Sep 21, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Come on Craig you make it out like Beachy was on fire that game. He got hit hard and often he just got lucky that most of them were right to his defense. That kid could have easily gave up 5+ runs if the defense wasnt lined up perfectly. Beachy’s line wasnt even close to how he actually pitched.

  8. Route36West - Sep 21, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    not even that he already was getting shelled its just that the balls were getting hit to the defenders. He was lucky not good.

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