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Instant replay isn't going to happen on Frank Robinson's watch

Oct 11, 2010, 9:18 AM EDT

An instant replay drama in the form of a one act play.

Here’s Frank Robinson — Vice President of Baseball Operations — talking about the many blown calls so far this postseason.  Listen to this and tell me if you think instant replay is going to be expanded any time soon:

What people don’t understand is that this is a different era now.
This is strictly an electronic era that shows every little wrinkle,
every little mistake. The margin of a mistake is minute. And they still
complain about the call being missed.

In the old days when people thought umpires were better than they are
today . . . if that play had been 10 years ago, there would have been
nothing said about it. Believe me. The game would have went on with
nothing said about it.  That’s the problem today. (Television) shows every little piece of
dirt that you can find in the game. There’s nothing wrong with it. But
it creates controversy. It puts undue pressure on the umpires. And they
are criticized unfairly.

19th Century Policeman:  Captain! I think I’ve solved the Colonel Stilson murder!

Captain: That’s wonderful, Officer MacDougal! Did you get the butler to confess?

Policeman: No, sir. But our chemists have developed a new technology by which we were able to determine that the butler had handled the bloody candlestick prior to it being used to bludgeon poor Colonel Stilson! His fingers, you see, left telltale marks, unique to him alone!

Captain: Really, officer.  This is what you bring me? Marks from a man’s fingers?  Why, ten years ago, we would have had
nothing on which to charge this butler if he had not confessed to the crime. Believe me. He would have walked free with
nothing said about it.  That’s the problem today. This new learning reveals every little piece of evidence that can found. There’s nothing wrong with it, mind you, but it creates such a controversy and causes criminals to be criticized unfairly.  Please release the butler.

Officer: But . . . but Captain! He did it!  We know this to be true! He murdered Colonel Stilson!

Captain: If you continue on in this manner, Officer MacDougal, I shall have no choice but to levy a fine.  Now, go back and see if the butler might confess.  Good day.

Officer: But —

Captain: I SAID ‘GOOD DAY!’

  1. BC - Oct 11, 2010 at 9:37 AM

    Who says Robinson gets a vote? And isn’t about time he retired to go play bridge and sip memosas all day?

  2. MK - Oct 11, 2010 at 9:46 AM

    Frank Robinson – “Let me tell you one thing. If you were going to cover every thing that would be covered in this game with replay, you might as well take (the umpires) off the field.”
    Sounds good to me.

  3. Panda_Claus - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    Excellent analogy and probably not nearly as sarcastic as it deserves to be.
    If Little League can have expanded replay so can the majors. And the time spent arguing is probably far greater than the actual replay time would be.
    Umpires, collectively speaking, do seem to take this whole “improvement” push way too personally. The question I ask is if they’re so certain they’re undeniably making the correct calls, then why not let replay prove them right? What’s they’re to lose?
    It’s truly a matter of pride and keeping jobs for the majority of the umpires. It’s not like we’re going to have robotic umpires within the next 10 years (20 maybe).

  4. SouthofHeaven - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:07 AM

    That…was fantastic. Sorry to be a fan-boy, but you rock the shit, Craig.

  5. Mr. Heyward - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:19 AM

    “There’s nothing wrong with it, mind you, but it creates such a controversy and causes criminals to be criticized unfairly.” Awesome. Criminals = Umpires. Now, that is glorious.

  6. Jonny5 - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    LOL!! that sums it up perfecto.

  7. lar @ wezen-ball - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    I agree with everyone, Craig. Nice one.
    But I just wanted to comment on that pimpin’ photo for Frank. He looks awesome. Hank Aaron could never pull that look off.

  8. mcsnide - Oct 11, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    Well said.

  9. buckeyeboy - Oct 11, 2010 at 11:06 AM

    one of the best pieces of satirical writing i have ever read

  10. JBerardi - Oct 11, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    Remember, when trying to market you sport to a general audience, make sure that 137 year old men who constantly talk about how much better everything was in their day are making all the decisions.

  11. scatterbrian - Oct 11, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    Just awesome…

  12. adam - Oct 11, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    So getting a call right “puts undue pressure on an umpire”? Wow Frank, just wow.

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