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Coco Crisp is ‘looking for a live-in personal assistant (female)’

Nov 17, 2010, 12:17 PM EDT

craigslist

Someone claiming to be A’s outfielder Coco Crisp has posted an ad on Craigslist “looking for a live-in personal assistant (female) that can help simplify my life.”

Here’s the full text of the ad:

Hi,

My name is Covelli Crisp (Coco Crisp), i am a professional baseball player. Looking for a live-in personal assistant (Female) that can help simplify my life.

Appointment scheduling
Bill payment scheduling
Maintaining and updating contact lists
Dinner parties
Away home care
Provisioning and house setup
Travel planning
Dinner reservations
Personal shopping
Tickets to entertainment events
Manage invitations
Culinary ability
Light house work, etc…

Salary of $40,000/YR with room and board. please contact me at Covellicococrisp@aol.com
**Include resume and picture**

I especially like the “include resume and picture” part at the end, because everyone knows the key to a good personal assistant is what they look like. Also, it’s nice to see that someone under the age of 60 is still using an AOL e-mail address.

  1. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:32 PM

    This is odd, but not as odd as the guy claiming to be Tyler Colvin last year.

    http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2010/01/620006551/1

  2. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    All of those items are listed, but he doesn’t actually penetrate into what the real “job” description would be…

    • Jonny 5 - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM

      Sure he did. “Light house work, etc…”

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 17, 2010 at 1:19 PM

        True, I didn’t notice that the “etc.” is also followed by an ellipses. He should have put “giggity” in there somewhere.

    • nps6724 - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM

      I’m guessing “penetrate” would be among the description somewhere.

  3. Jonny 5 - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    Yeah, smart move, because Wives are wayyyy more expensive when you tell them to hit the road… But does anyone smell a future sexual harassment suit brewing here?

    • nps6724 - Nov 17, 2010 at 12:46 PM

      Or a paternity suit.

  4. shelbydawkins - Nov 17, 2010 at 1:05 PM

    WHAT A DORK

  5. bloodysock - Nov 17, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    $40K?

  6. Jonny 5 - Nov 17, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    What’s the difference between Coco Crisps toilet and his future live-in personal assistant?

    His toilet won’t try to sue him after he drops his load in it and walks away.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 17, 2010 at 1:41 PM

      Zingtastic

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