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Mookie Wilson — possible Mets first base coach — provides me with an excuse to mock my own child

Nov 22, 2010, 5:00 PM EDT

Mookie Wilson

Andy Martino of the Daily News does his best to comfort sad Wally Backman fans by passing along word that the team may be considering another 1986 Met for the coaching staff: Mookie Wilson, who could become the team’s first base coach.

First base coaches don’t really matter, but I link this for three reasons: (1) I LOVE Mookie Wilson; (2) it’s a slow news day; and (3) it gives me an opportunity to tell you how I annoyed my daughter over the weekend.

For the past three years I have contributed an article to The Hardball Times Baseball Annual.  It just came out and you should buy it, by the way. No, I don’t get any money if it becomes a best seller. It’s just the best baseball annual you’re going to find, my article — recapping the year’s more frivolous stories — is pretty hilarious if I say so myself, and The Hardball Times is an awesome organization consisting of awesome people and you should support them.  With the shilling over, here’s how I annoyed my daughter:

In the back of the book, all of the Hardball Times contributors have a little author bio.  For the past two years I’ve ended my bio by saying  “Craig lives with his wife and two children — Mookie and Tyrus Raymond — in a fortified compound on the outskirts of New Albany, Ohio.”  Last year I told my daughter that I called her Mookie and she was livid, insisting that her name is not, in fact, Mookie.  I did it again this year, of course, and I got my copy of the book on Saturday.  I quickly turned to the bio page and put it in front of my daughter to show her that, once again, she is Mookie.  She totally freaked out on me.  It was fabulous. And hey, if you can’t mock your kids, who can you mock?

I woke up on Sunday morning with this picture shoved under my bedroom door:

Yes, that is my daughter shooting me with a ray-gun of some sort as her little brother — Tyrus Raymond — looks on laughing and as I scream in pain and horror.  And hey, she got my little basement studio in there and everything!  That kid has a bright future ahead of her assuming she doesn’t murder her father and stuff.

But next year: she’s totally Mookie again.  Or maybe Honus.

  1. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 22, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    Craig, before next year’s book release, you may want to consider moving to a single-floor residence.

  2. ThatGuy - Nov 22, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    She seems to have left Tiffany out of the picture, or did you release her for the offseason?

    • Jonny 5 - Nov 22, 2010 at 10:24 PM

      Look closely. All the way to the left in the basement. Apparently hiding behind a desk eating her bread crusts Craig threw onto the floor…

  3. Utley's Hair - Nov 22, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Just remember that you will be responsible to pay for any and all future therapy required by Mookie.

  4. jh0088 - Nov 22, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    it looks like she originally wanted to whack you over the head with a big club, but then decided you might live thorugh it and so went with the ray gun plan instead. A much better plan if you ask me.

  5. Utley's Hair - Nov 22, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    Knowing Craig, he’d be able to use the ray gun to heat up his hot pocket, without it actually harming him—the ray gun, that is, not the hot pocket, ’cause that’ll kill him.

  6. Lincoln93 - Nov 22, 2010 at 7:39 PM

    I wouldn’t turn my back on that kid…she’s given this WAY too much thought…however, that does look like a pretty sweet chair in your studio. If she does off you, can I have it?

  7. daynperry - Nov 22, 2010 at 7:43 PM

    I’m assuming your desk really does have “NBC” engraved on it.

  8. fuggles7 - Nov 22, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    That’s no ray gun.. it looks like a pot of scalding hot water!

  9. Old Gator - Nov 22, 2010 at 8:55 PM

    Children are horrible.

    • BC - Nov 23, 2010 at 9:43 AM

      Amen.

  10. Glenn - Nov 22, 2010 at 10:06 PM

    I can see that the teen years are going to be just marvelous at Calcaterra house.

  11. Jonny 5 - Nov 22, 2010 at 10:21 PM

    I do believe she’s tasing you in that picture. Tasing you as if you were a crazy Philly fan. We could be looking at a future security officer at CBP here. Good seats for dad when the Braves are in town. Definite up side.

    • Utley's Hair - Nov 22, 2010 at 11:31 PM

      You know, Mookie is best known for a shot in between Buckner’s legs…I’m jus’ sayin’….

  12. billybeaneismyhero - Nov 22, 2010 at 10:25 PM

    Absolutely fantastic! And here, I was just going to give my kids racially confusing names to piss them off…

  13. stchoo - Nov 23, 2010 at 7:41 AM

    I love how her picture incorporates your basement NBC set.

  14. BC - Nov 23, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    Children are the scourge of the earth. I would assume, Craig, that you’ve figured that out firsthand now.
    But hey, it could be worse. You could call your daughter Poindexter. Point that out to her, and see how it goes over.

  15. bicyclee - Nov 23, 2010 at 11:23 PM

    I assume she would be okay with the name Shelley?

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