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Attention single people: Frank and Jamie McCourt are officially on the market

Nov 23, 2010, 5:00 PM EDT

McCourt Divorce Trial Continues With Ownership Of Dodgers In Contention Getty Images

I’ve been married for over 15 years, so I don’t know an eligible bachelor or bachelorette from a bag of hammers, but I feel obligated to tell all my single friends that Frank and Jamie McCourt are now officially divorced and are thus eligible for courtship and/or marriage proposals.  The money and assets are still a hot mess, but know this: if you were to elope with one of them this evening, you would not be abetting bigamy.

I’m trying to think of which of them would be the better catch. I mean, Frank has a habit of risking his family’s assets due to crazy leveraging, but at least he has that boyish face.  Jamie believes that  whack-job Rasputin figures can  “send positive energy over great distances” in an effort to help the baseball teams win games, but she stays in shape and has ambition.  Either of them may be able to get you good seats at Dodger Stadium next year, though that’s a bit up in the air.

Admit it: you’ve dated worse.

  1. Richard In Big D - Nov 23, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    There is a saying bandied about freely among my circle of divorced dad friends (of which I am one). “Don’t bother getting married again. Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house”. Words to live by, my friend,

    • ta192 - Nov 23, 2010 at 10:11 PM

      Wow! So cynical and sooooo perceptive…

  2. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 23, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    Dated worse? I literally dated a bag of hammers for two weeks until I was stabbed in the kidney by the pointy end of one of the nailing hammers and decided the relationship wasn’t worth the pain. The nice part of our relationship was I always got to get hammered but never once got screwed.

    • Richard In Big D - Nov 23, 2010 at 5:45 PM

      That’s because it never went further than dating!

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Nov 23, 2010 at 5:48 PM

        Sounds to me like you were married to a bag ‘o’ Phillip’s heads.

      • Richard In Big D - Nov 23, 2010 at 6:22 PM

        Bag, nothing, it was a TRUCKLOAD, and they were screwGUNS, not drivers.

  3. Reflex - Nov 23, 2010 at 8:32 PM

    Sometimes I think I’m an exception. With the same woman 7 years and wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s smart, good looking and ambitious. And extremely loyal.

    Depresses me looking at my friend’s relationships.

    • Jonny 5 - Nov 23, 2010 at 9:54 PM

      Sounds like my Girlfriend. she’s married. Where do you live?

      Surely you know i jest…. 15 years with the same woman. She stole my youth. And kicked the crap out of it. And i love her for it. Men were created in the likeness of dogs rather than gods. Common translation error.

      • Reflex - Nov 24, 2010 at 4:17 AM

        I just don’t understand it. Almost everyone I know speaks poorly of thier partner/spouse. If they hate it so much, why continue? Lots of fish in the sea…

      • Jonny 5 - Nov 24, 2010 at 9:18 AM

        I just said “I love her” ?????? Anyway, it’s fun. We both joke to each other like this, so why not with others?? We go out, we hear “How long have you two been married?” At which point either of us will answer “Ahh about 145 years”. Neither of us take things too seriously, and while we will admit some times things aren’t so easy or great. We are still together longer than many couples are and as long as we can laugh off things most couples can’t, we will get closer every additional century that we’re together… Whoops, year, I mean year.

  4. Old Gator - Nov 23, 2010 at 11:43 PM

    I dunno. For some reason Jamie McCourt reminds me too of Jan Brewer after a facelift, and considering how much Jan Brewer’s face must weigh given the compounded surface area created by all those wrinkles, the epidermal equivalent of a Mandelbrot Set (see Gleick, Chaos: Making a New Science), it would have taken half the sale price of the Bums to pay for a cosmetic procedure straight out of Brazil. Ah well. Needless to say, I wouldn’t want to be out on a blind date with Jamie and then find out she was just Jan Brewer in drag. It’s been over 30 years since my last blind date, but I still feel a little shaken by the evenings I spent listening to 250-pounders bemoan their struggles with Anorexia over a five dollar shake at Jack Rabbit Slim’s.

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