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Jose Canseco wants to show you his bat speed

Dec 16, 2010, 4:16 PM EDT

jose canseco twitter

Jose Canseco has been more or less begging for another chance in baseball via Twitter all week, posting tweets such as “I can DH for any major league team and lead the league in home runs, just give me the chance” and “I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play again.”

And those are the least-crazy ones.

At some point he started specifically mentioning new Mets general manager Sandy Alderson–who was the GM in Oakland back when Canseco starred for the A’s–and said he planned to send him a video to convince him a tryout was a good idea.

I will marry Mila Kunis, divorce her, marry Marisa Miller, and then cheat on her with Diora Baird before Alderson involves himself in Canseco’s life again, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at the video anyway:

Canseco appears to be in good shape and is making solid contact against a pitching machine he claims is throwing 94 miles per hour, but here’s the thing: Even if he wasn’t “blackballed” from baseball for all the steroids stuff, a) he’s 46 years old, and b) he’s seemingly insane.

Barry Bonds couldn’t get another gig at age 43 coming off a 1.045 OPS season. Canseco is 46, last played in the majors in 2001, and was last seen hitting .170 in the independent Golden Baseball League five years ago.

Just to be safe, however, I’m going to make a video of myself for Mila, Marisa, and Diora to look at over the weekend. I may have to turn the pitching machine down to like 92 mph, though.

  1. bloodysock - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    Even if Mila, Marisa or Diora were pitching, you still would never hit that.

    • BC - Dec 17, 2010 at 9:04 AM

      I’d hit that, but I much prefer the wonder that is Drew Barrymore.

      • Drew Barrymore - Dec 17, 2010 at 11:00 AM

        Please stop stalking me. Zhu frikkin’ me out, man!!!

  2. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    “I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play again.” ….but then why did you write those books, Jose?

  3. Michael - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Video is no longer working. (Message: “This video is a duplicate of a previously uploaded video.”) Bat speed so good he had to upload it twice?

    • Michael - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:35 PM

      Try this one:

  4. phukyouk - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:37 PM

    Canseco is a giant douche. possibly the biggest douche in the universe.

  5. Utley's Hair - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    So…he wants Sandy Alderson to give him a tryout for DH? Why not just GIVE him the Mutts DH job, Sandy?

    • IdahoMariner - Dec 16, 2010 at 5:18 PM

      Yeah, I mean, what could it hurt? It’s not like someone is already slotted in as the DH for the Mets….he probably could convince Jose to do it for free — but he might need to save a little cash for extra-security on the first day of spring training, for when Jose finally realizes the Mets, you know, don’t have a DH because they, you know, don’t NEED a DH.

  6. bobwsc - Dec 16, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    seemed like some Willie Mays-Hayes popups were the norm. like he’d get anything to hit – every pitcher would be throwing at his head. our co-ed softball league team will take him – I just worry about his fielding and don’t think he could un-seat our lady catcher that works in production by day.

  7. jbartlett79 - Dec 16, 2010 at 11:19 PM

    Wait… wait… this is exactly the premise of “Eastbound and Down,” right? We’re a month or two from seeing the Jose Canseco version of THIS:

  8. macjacmccoy - Dec 17, 2010 at 1:57 AM

    He could be on steroids we dont know so it doesnt matter how fast is bat looks or doesnt look bc he has proven his word doesnt mean anything.

  9. macjacmccoy - Dec 17, 2010 at 1:58 AM

    could be on steroids now

    I mean

  10. vikesfansteve - Dec 17, 2010 at 7:15 AM

    Barry Bonds can’t get a job because of the pending court case.

  11. Brian - Dec 17, 2010 at 8:14 AM

    I’m sure the Nationals would love to pay him $245 million over 20 years or so.

  12. bleedgreen - Dec 17, 2010 at 8:45 AM

    Why would the Mets need a DH? They play in the NL…

    • BC - Dec 17, 2010 at 9:05 AM

      Interleague play?

    • Utley's Hair - Dec 17, 2010 at 11:02 AM

      My point exactly in my comment up there. C’Mon, work with me people!!!!!

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