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“Mr. Lee — the Philadelphia Jewish community turned its lonely eyes to you”

Dec 23, 2010, 3:00 PM EDT

Cliff Lee phillies throwing

This is easily my favorite Cliff Lee column I’ve seen written by anyone anywhere. And I say that even though the writer seems to believe that Abner Doubleday invented baseball.  Just treat it like Belushi’s “the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor” speech in “Animal House.”  Forget it, he’s on a roll:

Cliff Lee is more than just the modern-day Sandy Koufax. At least to Philadelphia Jews, he is.

Let me explain. Sure, Mr. Lee may be a good ‘ole Arkansas boy who enjoys a hunting expedition and has the (non-Jewish) good looks of a young John Wayne. No matter. The man was — and, by declining to don Yankees pinstripes, still is — the sheriff that Philadelphia Jews have longed for in our longtime battle with the city of New York — and our insufferable relatives who call it home.

It just goes on and on like that and it’s nothing short of glorious.

  1. jkay123 - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    good looks?

  2. Panda Claus - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    Wow. The new bar for explosively bad writing has been set in place. Would someone please translate for me exactly what is Andrew Sherman talking about?

    I think he likes Cliff Lee, but it gets quite blurry after that.

    • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:38 PM

      I had a bit of trouble too, actually.

  3. ngearhart1981 - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    The Phillies are the Yankees of the National League. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But it’s a fact.

  4. snowbirdgothic - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    Oy, so soon he forgets Cal Abrams and Bo Belinsky? What is he, messhugah?

  5. Old Gator - Dec 23, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    This reminds me of the story my grandmother told me once about the bucolic little shtetl of her youth somewhere near the Priapet marshes. This guy’s wife just delivered their first child and the guy has to find a moehl, so his neighbor writes on a piece paper the address where he should go find the moehl. So this guy goes into town to the address what his friend give him, and when he comes to it he sees it’s just a clock shop. So he thinks, oy, he give me with the wrong address, but maybe the clock maker knows where lives the moehl. So he knocks on the door and this fella come out of the shop and the guy says, look, my friend give me the wrong address for the moehl but maybe you know where lives him, maybe close? But the fella from the shop just shakes his head and says, no, you come to the right address. I’m the moehl. And this guy says, you’re the moehl? And the fella says, yes, I’m the moehl. And the guys says, well, if you’re the moehl, why you got clocks and watches in the window? And the moehl says, so what should I put in the window?

    • Utley's Hair - Dec 23, 2010 at 4:14 PM

      Why did an image of Professor Frink pop in to my head when I read Gator’s response?

  6. clydeserra - Dec 23, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    Did Abe Simpson write this article? Is there a tie in I am missing?

  7. Utley's Hair - Dec 23, 2010 at 4:19 PM

    Give the guy props for working Abe Froman in there, too.

  8. purnellmeagrejr - Dec 23, 2010 at 5:20 PM

    Being a blind man I always thought Cliff Lee was Chinese.

    • bigdicktater - Dec 23, 2010 at 8:19 PM

      Priceless! Hope your text-to-braille (or voice) is working.

      • Old Gator - Dec 23, 2010 at 9:24 PM

        That’s funny, he didn’t look Jewish.

  9. jhorton83 - Dec 23, 2010 at 9:59 PM

    That may have been the most incoherent column I’ve ever read. I have no idea what that person was trying to say if anything.

  10. sjoyner56 - Dec 23, 2010 at 10:04 PM

    cliff lee is not jewish signed your friend Hyman lipshitz

  11. conllee - Dec 24, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    Yeah, pretty bad column, but what do you expect from someone who thinks a pitcher who was 26-22 over the last two years and 0-2 in the World Series is the “second comming”?

  12. pisano - Dec 24, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    Does anyone know what the hell this thread is supposed to mean? Gator, can you give me a clue?

  13. snowbirdgothic - Dec 24, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    It means:

    A) Jewish baseball fans in Philly finally have a comeback for the attitude they get from Jewish baseball fans in New York.

    B) Anything written even slightly tongue-in-cheek stands a very good point of whizzing right over a lot of people’s heads.

    C) Cheesesteaks are trayf, even if they aren’t made with horse.

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