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The Marlins look forward to their new multi-use stadium

Jan 3, 2011, 11:36 AM EDT

marlins new park

Wait, you thought they were moving into a baseball-specific ballpark? Ha! How little you know of commerce today. Marlins team president David Samson:

“We’re prepared to host football games. We’re prepared to host soccer games. We’re prepared to host home shows, boat shows, trade shows, baseball tournaments, college baseball tournaments and concerts. All of these things can happen in all different shapes and sizes, because we’ve got the roof, we’ve got air conditioning. It makes it a very attractive place for events.”

Such is the way of the world now. I’m just happy that baseball is the primary use for these places and that the football games have to be played with weird configurations rather than the other way around, like it was in the 70s and 80s.  Oh, and here’s a new twist on naming rights:

“There will be four quadrant partners — we’ve got the red, green, blue and yellow. There will be companies who will name those quadrants, plus a naming rights partner for the whole ballpark.”

Who even thinks about a ballpark in terms of quadrants? And that’s important, right? Because if regular fans don’t acknowledge your designation, what’s the value of the naming rights to begin with?

  1. Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    Re the naming rights – you people all thought I was just being Old Weird Gator a few weeks ago when I predicted that there’d be all kinds of money-grubbing subthemes and rotating names and comic book shenanigans and all kinds of shit going on with Scrooge McLoria’s new Palace of Pinchpenny.

    Didn’t you? HAH?

    Look back at what I wrote. Look back and tremble. Bow down. An archon has come amongst you and maybe now as a consequence of my preternatural prognosticative powers you’ll get some kind of an inkling of who you’re really dealing with – you know, like the kid at the bar in Fort Griffin at the end of Blood Meridian.

    • apbaguy - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:52 AM

      I’m more in awe with the bald guy who can’t be killed.

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:54 AM

        I know him well.

      • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:55 AM

        You mean Don Rickles?

      • Utley's Hair - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:59 AM

        Craig?

      • proudlycanadian - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:34 PM

        Would Old Gator call himself Old Seminole if he had worked at that other place? As far as naming rights are concerned, are there any companies down there with sufficient cash and ambition to pay for naming the fishbowl?

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:48 PM

        No, but there are several cartels.

      • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:49 PM

        Lebron could buy the naming rights.

    • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:55 AM

      How many effing football stadiums do you guys need down there???!? ;-)

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 1:02 PM

        If Buddha were as merciful as advertised, there would only be the one at FIU.

    • Utley's Hair - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:00 PM

      Gator will be camping out to be the first one to get soccer tix.

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:59 PM

        Only if they provide me with my own steam grating on which to sleep.

    • Jonny 5 - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:24 PM

      You’re still old and weird Gator. I mean it’s no crazy leap to figure Loria would get his stadium without the need to fight off the multiple Mothra clones who are in charge of protecting Loria’s wallet. It would take Godzilla himself to break into that thing.

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:50 PM

        Guess what?

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godzilla_(2012_film)

        I’ve already contacted Warner Brothers to arrange a play date with Friendo.

      • Jonny 5 - Jan 3, 2011 at 1:11 PM

        “Friendo” is a scary dude. But I guess Loria is too when he’s your boss.

      • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 1:13 PM

        Cool! Hopefully they dub in the original Godzilla sound from the old movies….

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM

        Friendo is adorable as long as you keep your hand away from him or, if you’re a mouse, the rest of yourself as well. My only regret is that rock n’ roll has abraded my hearing to the point that if I wanted actually to hear his cute little belltail, I’d have to get close enough to be bitten. Ah well.

        Only Bob Cratchitt really knows what it’s like to have the Capo of Cupidity as a boss. Give me Friendo any day.

  2. apbaguy - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    Jason at IAATMS will probably be selling blog franchises so the Miami area can get the coverage its screaming for. And what will OG be able to do with the Chihauhua Quadrant of JoeProdolsharklife Stadium?

    It’s so thoughtful of Loria to play into our entertainment needs, especially off the field. Now if he’d just get involved in a messy divorce…

    • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:59 AM

      Maybe they can get Fruit Of The Loom back as a sponsor….

      • Utley's Hair - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:01 PM

        Why would the Wilpons sponsor the Feesh stadium?

      • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:29 PM

        I don’t know who is more inept of an ownership situation, Loria or the Wilpons.
        Maybe we can merge the teams and sell it to Mark Cuban?

      • Utley's Hair - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:54 PM

        A Cuban running things in Miami?

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:57 PM

        Yeah. Isn’t that ridiculous?

  3. yankeesfanlen - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    I am appalled that all we could come up with was “Yankee Stadium”. But we can fit a full-size football game in there, even call it the Pinstripe Bowl. Then only Syracuse and Kansas St. show up. OUR (remaining) Giants gave up years ago when they couldn’t play there in Sept. and Oct.

    • BC - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:51 PM

      Lately the Giants haven’t been able to play ANYWHERE in December.

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 12:57 PM

        Meh. Sublimated Borg-hate.

  4. hackerjay - Jan 3, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    AT&T in San Francisco has all that stuff other then baseball too, and it’s a great ballpark, so I wouldn’t worry about the Marlins stadium, it’s definitely baseball-first.

  5. proudlycanadian - Jan 3, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    How about “The Miami Fishbowl Brought to you by your friendly Cartel”.

    • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 3:40 PM

      There are still plenty of those old red signs laying around. They’d only have to paint over “a-Cola.”

  6. ta192 - Jan 3, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    Stadium seating capacity seems a little low for any meaningful football games…little high for soccer…

    • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 7:29 PM

      I dunno. Backandforthandbackandforthandbackandforthball does have its following down here in the rank, decadent, steaming, macho-infested tropics. The Feesh don’t draw well enough for a riot, but Macondo Banana Massacre Field as currently conceived will skwoosh together nearly forty thousand drooling, wild-eyed backandforthandbackandforthaqndbackandforthball fans so that perhaps an interesting evening or two is in store for us at last. When your biggest ballfield brouhaha was a lightweight dustup between the University of Macondo and FIU – and we haven’t had a decent riot anywhere in town since the 1968 Republican Convention – we’re really overdue.

      • ta192 - Jan 3, 2011 at 10:14 PM

        I know, we could invite the Cuban National team to play there, riot gear for everyone…

      • Old Gator - Jan 3, 2011 at 11:11 PM

        …with an Irakere reunion concert afterwards, so the musicians could maul each other as well.

      • ta192 - Jan 4, 2011 at 9:34 PM

        Ain’t life grand…

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