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Congratulations HBT readers: you’re officially my minions

Jan 5, 2011, 11:53 AM EST

Dr. Evil

Jeff Pearlman unleashes a new load of incoherence over at SI today, explaining that it’s totally OK to ignore the concept of innocent until proven guilty when it comes to PEDs. Why? Because finding evidence of PED use is hard, man.  At least that’s what I take from it.  And he may be right.  Indeed, I went back and checked all of Pearlman’s baseball columns from the late 90s and early 00s for his expose about PEDs in the game and I couldn’t find any mention of the juice.  Those steroid-users are a wily bunch. They’ve even taken to erasing media archives!

But maybe I’m not being objective here. I might be blinded by … evil!

As NBC Sports’ Calcaterra rightly pointed out in a recent post, “There is just as much evidence against [stars like Derek Jeter, Cal Ripken Jr., Randy Johnson, etc.] as there is against Bagwell.” Again, the problem with the flawed logic of Calcaterra (one of the leaders of the leave-these-poor-guys-alone movement) and his minions is: There is no evidence. Against anyone. Because baseball made certain of it.

At least I think that makes me evil. At any rate I don’t know of any forces for good that have minions.  Oh well, I’ll accept that. Evil is way more fun anyway.

And don’t just sit there looking at me, minions. Go do minion things. Drag a fair maiden back to my lair or something. And for god’s sake, learn to shoot straight. I won’t be done dirty like Darth Vader was. If one Stormtrooper had half-decent aim that afternoon Luke, Han and Leia escaped the Death Star, he’d still be ruling the galaxy.

  1. lampdwellr - Jan 5, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    We are all this guy.

  2. marshmallowsnake - Jan 5, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    I bow to no one!

    Craig, do you need me to pick up your dry cleaning or get you some coffee? Thanks!

  3. Kanonen80 - Jan 5, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    Do we get frickin’ laser beams attached to our heads?

    • The Rabbit - Jan 5, 2011 at 5:00 PM

      Do we get frickin’ laser beams attached to our heads?
      I certainly hope so…I’ve always wanted one during rush hour traffic in Philly, Boston, and NYC.

      I’ve never wanted to be part of a minion….until now. As a fan of this column and a true believer in truth, justice, and the American Way (well, part of the “American Way”), I’m pleased as punch to be a member of this minion.

  4. ditto65 - Jan 5, 2011 at 7:58 PM

    If baseball, by Pearlman’s account, intentionally allowed players to use PEDs, they became a de facto legal part of the game and there is no argument. PEDs were legal, players could use them, open the gates to the HoF.

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