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Greenies weren’t bad, OK? I mean, it’s not like kids were doing them. Probably.

Jan 18, 2011, 8:24 AM EDT

Nancy Reagan Different strokes

Hey, amphetamines were just pep pills! They just helped ballplayers get ready for the game! It’s not like steroids! It’s not like kids were taking them!

Oh, wait.

Wezen-ball strikes again, creating a video montage of a bunch of very special episodes of 1980s sitcoms in which young people got strung out on … greenies!

Look, I’m prepared to admit that the 1980s sitcom world didn’t exactly have its finger on the pulse of what was troubling young kids, but apparently someone thought this was a major problem for our nation’s youth. And for all of the hathos and cheese, the core message of these things — that speed kills — was dead-on.

But sure, if Hall of Fame voters want to continue to pretend that steroids represents an unprecedented kind of evil while taking greenies was totally excusable, they may continue to do so.

I just hope that they know that they have Alex P. Keaton’s blood on their hands! Or something.

  1. Adam - Jan 18, 2011 at 8:32 AM

    Forget those shows, you know it’s serious because SAVED BY THE BELL talked about it.

    • Adam - Jan 18, 2011 at 8:38 AM

      Ah, it was already included in the clip montage. Guess I didn’t watch far enough in earlier.

  2. JM Lattanzi - Jan 18, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    I don’t know which was a worse punishment for Will – the fact that he had the guilt of knowing Carlton took the speed from his locker, or the fact that his ‘reward’ for getting Carlton to the hospital was….wait for it…Clippers season tickets!

  3. BC - Jan 18, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    Dana Plato didn’t meet a drug she didn’t like. But look up Justine Bateman. WOW. Talk about a great looking gal that did NOT age well. Whew….
    Gotta be the greenies….

  4. BC - Jan 18, 2011 at 9:15 AM

    Conrad Bain is a god. Not “the” God (that’s Clapton), but “a” god. Guy’s still kicking at 87.

    • lessick - Jan 18, 2011 at 10:55 AM

      Who would’ve guessed back then that in 2011, the three surviving original cast members would be Conrad Bain, Charlotte Rae and Tood Bridges?

      • BC - Jan 18, 2011 at 12:59 PM

        I had Todd Bridges in a celebrity death pool. Lost out to another guy that had Dennis Hopper.
        Yeah, I know it’s morbid, but…..

  5. Old Gator - Jan 18, 2011 at 10:51 AM

    That Rodney is such a nice little boy. Is he medicated? I thought maybe Friendo could invite him over to dinner. Maybe a play date. Here, try the pork rinds, honey. Crunchy! And how did things go at the office today? Awww, and you works so hard too. Here, have some coffee. It’ll help settle you down. Remember when the little Beaver boy came over? So sweet. I think he was medicated too. May I have the gravy? Thank you darling. He was medicated, wasn’t he? I think so. Friendo, you’re not eating your rat! Come on now. You bit it. It’s not polite to let it lie there twitching like that. Oh – and how about that Ricky Nelson boy? Oh, he was so polite, and neat, always combing his hair. Pass the sugarsnap peas, would you sweetheart? Thank you. Anyway, he’s medicated, isn’t he? Such a nice companion for our little Friendo. Oh, and there’s that Chigurh boy. Yes, his father is a janitor, but he ‘s certainly medicated. I love the way he just sits there and stares. Never interrupts an adult when there’s a conversation going on. Friendo, would you like me to invite him over some day after school? I should really talk to Harriet about his medication. I think that’s what Harry Morgan should probably try for his little Dexter! But that Dennis Mitchell boy, though, he’s out of control. Always spray painting multi-syllable words on the fences around the construction sites. I’m sure he’s unmedicated. His parents really ought to do something about him. Friendo, I don’t want you playing with him, understand?

    • BC - Jan 18, 2011 at 1:01 PM

      Harry Morgan is like 143 years old, no? My gosh, he was almost 80 when MASH ended, and that was 1983! Has he hit the century mark, has to be close…….

      • Reflex - Jan 18, 2011 at 1:36 PM

        He’s 95. That said, he was charged with beating his wife in 1997, so he should qualify for the HOF.

  6. Utley's Hair - Jan 18, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    So, did the mom on Mr. Belvedere pop them before or after she bitched out the daughter? Was it the same “Special Episode” or another one, probably during sweeps?

    • lar @ wezen-ball - Jan 18, 2011 at 1:32 PM

      She popped them afterwards. Had them in her purse after taking them away and took them while cramming for law school…

      Ueck was busy trying to kill a rat in the attic…

  7. Tim's Neighbor - Jan 18, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    After my wedding and honeymoon, I could lose some weight myself. Does anyone know where Will Smith’s dealer is?

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