Feb 17, 2011, 4:34 PM EDT
I suppose a satire like this was inevitable. I’m just sad that I didn’t think of it first:
Seattle Mariners veteran catcher Miguel Olivo reported to training camp this week feeling as though he is already physically ready for the 2011 season.
“I’m in the fourth best shape of my life,” said a sort of noticeably trim Olivo. “Last year I was only in the 11th best shape of my life, so I really put time in the gym this offseason. I wanted to get into the top 5 shapes of my life.”
Olivo entered his offseason workout regimen hoping to get into the best shape of his life, but soon realized that wasn’t realistic.
Now I await the ones about guys who didn’t have “great bullpen sessions” and guys who “looked real bad in the cage today.”
- The Yankees were no-hit by the Marlins in Panama 14
- Report: Jose Iglesias could miss most of the 2014 season 36
- Manny Machado dealing with scar tissue in knee, increasingly unlikely for Opening Day 10
- The D-Backs weren’t kidding about the retaliation thing 56
- Red Sox prospect gets arrested, acts like a monumental jackwagon 102
- Is Barry Bonds really getting a “fair hearing?” (104)
- Keith Olbermann REALLY hates that Barry Bonds is coaching the Giants for a week (102)
- Red Sox prospect gets arrested, acts like a monumental jackwagon (102)
- Manny Machado calls $519K salary for 2014 “disappointing” (90)
- Giants players love having Barry Bonds at spring training (90)