Feb 17, 2011, 4:34 PM EDT
I suppose a satire like this was inevitable. I’m just sad that I didn’t think of it first:
Seattle Mariners veteran catcher Miguel Olivo reported to training camp this week feeling as though he is already physically ready for the 2011 season.
“I’m in the fourth best shape of my life,” said a sort of noticeably trim Olivo. “Last year I was only in the 11th best shape of my life, so I really put time in the gym this offseason. I wanted to get into the top 5 shapes of my life.”
Olivo entered his offseason workout regimen hoping to get into the best shape of his life, but soon realized that wasn’t realistic.
Now I await the ones about guys who didn’t have “great bullpen sessions” and guys who “looked real bad in the cage today.”
- Report: MLB likely to adjust rules for plays at home and transfer catches 5
- Settling the Score: Friday’s results 17
- Giancarlo Stanton sends the Marlins to victory with a walk-off grand slam 21
- Jason Bartlett will retire after 10 years in the big leagues 9
- Pirates acquire Ike Davis in a trade with the Mets 47
- Hank Aaron is getting vile racist hate mail in retaliation for pointing out that racism still exists (248)
- “They Don’t Know Henry” (167)
- Doug Glanville’s story about being racially profiled at his own home (125)
- There is still a racial divide in baseball (112)
- And That Happened: Tuesday’s scores and highlights (96)