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Future sports stadiums to be horrible hellscapes

Mar 9, 2011, 2:58 PM EDT

In the year 2000

I’m having a hard time swallowing some of the entries in this Business Insider slideshow about how stadiums may change in the future.

Or should I say in the future!, because so much of it sounds like those flying car/colonies on the moon predictions from the golden days of the space age in that they were simultaneously implausible yet unambitious. I mean, my suburban Ohio gym already has TVs in the bathrooms, so I don’t think that’s a crazy prediction, but I also don’t see why any stadium owner would spring for it outside of the club level.  And really, the list is mostly just “put video screens everywhere,” so it’s not that big a deal.

Still, I tried my best to fight through the skepticism. That is, until I got to this one:

No more beer … It would take a lot for teams to suck it up and kiss one of their greatest sources of easy revenue goodbye, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that something bad enough could happen to force their hands’ and outlaw (or at least severely limit) beer sale at games.  Some pro teams have already banned the sale of beer bottles and most college stadiums don’t sell beer at all.

None of us will live to see the day professional sports stadiums stop selling beer. I guarantee you that. In fact, if that ever happens I’ll stop drinking beer myself. And those of you who know me understand just how serious a thing that would be.

  1. thelucasjj - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    I worked at a football stadium as a second job and part of the requirements for the liquior license was that all employees had to take an alcohol training class twice a year. Both times the class was taught we had to watch the same video about a guy leaving the Jets stadium drunk and hitting a family paralyzing a little girl. The lawsuit is still on going and this happened years ago, but beer is still sold there. We were told constantly if we couldn’t sell beer in the stadium the food service company I worked for wouldn’t be there.

  2. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    I think you should also commit to no longer drinking bourbon (or any whiskey derivative) if they ban beer at ball games.

    This also fails to state WHY they don’t sell beer at most college stadiums, but perhaps the reasoning was so obvious that it was overlooked….

    • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:59 PM

      The reason they don’t sell at most college games is that 3/4 of the spectators are underage (especially at the largest schools where the stadium is on campus).
      UConn sells beer at their football games, but they’re vigilant about carding and most of the crowd is the 30-and-up crowd (the stadium is about 18 miles from campus, so not many students make the trip).

      • uberfatty - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:18 PM

        I don’t know what stadiums you have been to, but in my experience the student sections are 10-15% of the stadium at the most, and even then a good portion of the students are over 21. I don’t think it is accurate at all to assume 75% of attendees are underage at college games, whether that is football or basketball.

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:21 PM

        Went to Texas-OU at the Cotton Bowl. Seemed like 75% of the crowd was students or student age. I’ve been told Michigan is the same way.

      • Craig Calcaterra - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:24 PM

        Michigan is not like that at all. The stadium holds over 100K. The entire undergraduate enrollment is 26,000.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:29 PM

        Take it easy, guys. BC’s numbers are off because he was just drunk and seeing double or triple at the time.

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:35 PM

        Utley – I think your hypothesis is correct.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Mar 9, 2011 at 5:06 PM

        My point that is still being overlooked is that they are colleges (i.e. academic institutions). They have different rules than professional stadiums b/c of the institutions they must represent. A lot of campuses are completely “dry” (in quotes, b/c they never truly are dry). It’s a school-by-school thing, brah. That is why I think it’s ridiculous to lump that into their argument that beer may cease being sold at any professional ball game. Simply put, the reasoning for a school to have dry stadiums has absolutely nothing to do with the reasoning behind selling (or not selling) alcohol at professional stadiums.

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 7:57 PM

        Craig – as God is my witness, I thought Michigan was pushing 45,000-50,000 students. Same with Ohio State, Texas, Florida, other huge schools. If you figure 20 percent of those attending are not drinkers, you still have 30,000 college students partying in one place.
        You also have varying rules. Some campus are “dry” or profess to be (wink). Other places don’t care. Big difference between an on-campus stadium and an off-campus stadium, where the university has much less jurisdiction.
        Hey, UConn’s stadium only seats 42,000, and half the attendees are AARP members. What do I know from here in the Northeast I guess…
        The Texas-OU thing is insane. Maybe it just attracts jillions of college-age kids from everywhere, plus the however-many go to Texas or OU.
        Gosh, can you imagine Alabama-Auburn with unlimited beer? They’d have to call in the National Guard.
        And let’s not even talk about the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. That one’s on my Bucket List.

      • fuggles7 - Mar 9, 2011 at 8:08 PM

        And BC is a major Chipwich as well..

      • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 8:27 PM

        A chipwich? For what? Volunteering a piece of info that isn’t 100% correct or daring to post something that others might not agree with? If so then about 85% of all of us are chipwiches too.

  3. heyblueyoustink - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    Prohibition at professional sporting events? I also see in the future, jailhouse style toilet stills in the park bathrooms, hot dog vendors bootlegging “special” hot dogs with vials of sweet beer nectar hidden from the man by some tin foil and a bun, and sound investments in creative flask manufacturing companies…

    In other words, never underestimate the human race’s penchant for resourcefullness….

    No need to give up beer Craig…..there’s always a work around

  4. JBerardi - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:12 PM

    “it’s not out of the realm of possibility that something bad enough could happen to force their hands’ and outlaw (or at least severely limit) beer sale at games.

    Like what, exactly? Everything bad that can happen as a result of alcohol consumption has happened already, many times. In fact, that’s the whole reason you can only buy two beers at a time, you can’t buy past the seventh inning, etc. The problem was far worse before those regulations were put in place. This is a problem that’s been solved already.

  5. yankeesfanlen - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    Guess I’ll be at the Cathedral someday and they’ll pry a Bud loose………from my cold dead hands.

    • pauleee - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:36 PM

      No doubt. That stuff (Bud) will kill you.

  6. ltzep75 - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:29 PM

    So if I’ve got this right, the future of sports boils down to:

    1) TV’s everywhere
    2) roller coasters in the stadia
    3) Sushi and Ostrich served
    4) No beer available to wash the taste of shame out your mouth.

  7. Jonny 5 - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Battling beer and beer drinkers? Silly fools, even the US government failed miserably at that. Beer drinkers have already made a premptive strike in this direction.
    Any attempt by ballparks would be futile.

    • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:41 PM

      That’s frickin awesome! I am so totally getting one. I hike a lot and that rig would work well with a full pack on (the beerbelly I mean. The wine rack’s good, too, but you don’t need that hose hanging out of it…heh, heh, heh). Thanks man.

    • sportsdrenched - Mar 9, 2011 at 5:23 PM

      and of course, the US Government has a high success to failure rate.

  8. BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Banning beer won’t stop people from showing up to games tanked, or sneaking a flask in. Just don’t sell beer in bottles or cans – have the vendors pour it from a bottle or can into a plastic cup. You can’t get as much air nor give someone a concussion with a plastic cup.
    Hey they already took away my ability to enjoy a nice cigar at a game. Leave my beer alone.
    Either that or if they ban beer, they have to switch to vodka or scotch.

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:32 PM

      Yes…it most certainly is a bottle of, um…uh, water. Yeah. Right…water.

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 7:59 PM

        Diet Sprite and Ketel One. Works every time…..

  9. BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    fuggles7: As I sit here enjoying a nice 18-year old Glenfiddich in front of the big screen after putting the leftover Chicken Cordon Bleu away, I hope you’re eying fishing to find the last pack of Raman noodles in the cupboard, and fretting about what T-shirt and jeans you’re going to wear to work tomorrow, the 3 day old one or the 5 day old ones.
    Let’s cut the insults, OK? I can out-insult anyone. I just dust it off now and then when needed.
    PS. Murray Chass is a chipwich.

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