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Quote of the Day: Ozzie Guillen versus Charlie Sheen

Mar 9, 2011, 1:19 PM EDT


Here’s the latest “Quote of the Day” winner from manager/quote machine Ozzie Guillen:

I’m the Charlie Sheen of baseball, but without drugs and a prostitute.

Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports provides a bit more context for the quote, noting that Guillen “was talking about the double-standard with him,” but it stands on its own pretty well too.

Ozzie, of course, sticks to Jell-O.

  1. BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    #WINNER <—— Ozzie Guillen

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 1:38 PM


    • hasbeen5 - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:17 PM

      I know I’m way behind things here, but can one of y’all tell me what the # in front of things is for?

      • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:22 PM

        Sigh. This tiresome affectation was first introduced by one Sheen, Charlie when that dolt noticed social media, apparently for the first time. He’s been exposing us to his idiosyncratic twitting since. Bottom line; want to poke fun at Sheen then stick a random # in there with the signature “#winning” being his trademarked line.

      • uberfatty - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:27 PM

        um, the # is used on Twitter to link different posts by different users to the same topic. It’s called a hashtag. Clicking on one from a tweet will take you to a page with all tweets using that tag. Sheen might use them quite liberally, but they’ve been around long before he joined.

      • b7p19 - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:36 PM

        Wait…Charlie Sheen created Twitter?

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:59 PM

        I thought Al Gore created Twitter.

      • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:11 PM

        No, Ozzie did…or was it his kid? Either way they have the market cornered on twits.
        ps. uberfatty; Thanks man. Don’t twit myself. I thought the # was a “Sheenism”. Thanks for the update. I shall adjust my fund of current social media knowledge immediately.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:10 PM

        Al Gore invented the interwebs…and a lock box…or something. Twitter is just an evilish spawn of the interwebs. I’ll blame Ted Stevens for that.

      • BC - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:36 PM

        I say its all Nixon’s fault for taking us off the gold standard…

  2. Brian Murphy - Mar 9, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    I think we all saw this coming.

    I’m certain there’s a joke in here somewhere comparing Tiger blood to playing against the Detroit Tigers. But these Charlie Sheen catch phrases are so tired now, I’m not really in the mood to look for it.

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:12 PM

      You just feel that way because you don’t have tiger blood or Adonis DNA.

      • Brian Murphy - Mar 10, 2011 at 3:40 AM

        And that’s … OK. Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough …

  3. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Mar 9, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    I see the resemblance to Ali. This must mean that Mariotti is Guillen’s Frazier. Although, if compared to Sheen, then Mariotti is Guillen’s Lorre.

  4. scatterbrian - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    Didn’t Ozzie used to call Bobby Jenks “two and a half men”?

  5. Old Gator - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    I should preface this by saying that I have never watched “Two and a Half Men” and have no intention of ever doing so, but I am sure that it disrespects Jesus and America and as such should be burned in front of the library by a Tea Party Farenheit 451 Squad to cheers of “Sieg Heil.” If they want to tie Ozzie Guillen and his decerebrated offspring – all of them to be on the safe side – to a gigantic churro in the middle of the pyre, I would have no objection whatsoever.

    Charlie Sheen, on the other hand, was, and remains, Wild Thing Vaughan. For that, if for no other reason, he deserves our continued sympathy and support.

    • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 3:50 PM

      Where you been, man? Missed your spanishisms. I also immediately think of “Wild Thing” Vaughn when I bother to think of Sheen at all. I have converted to worship of Jo-Fu, Cerrano’s rum drinking, cigarette smoking voodoo god as well. Jo-Fu says “hola” as well.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:15 PM

        See if you can get Cerrano to swing some chicken bones or something over Chase’s knee to make it better—once he’s done making his AllState commercials, that is.

      • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:22 PM

        I’m asking Jo-Fu to contact Cerrano and have him do that immediately after posting this. Jo-Fu will want payment in lagavulin single malt (30 year old). Send all bottles care of Beaverland.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 9, 2011 at 4:26 PM

        You Canadians and your beavers….

      • scatterbrian - Mar 9, 2011 at 5:16 PM


      • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 5:37 PM

        Jobu is it? I couldn’t find a spelling anywhere when I decided to run with this. Thanks. I shall re-christen my Halliday bobblehead, whom I’ve stuck a hairy golf club cover over, “Jobu” instead of “JoFu”. A fresh shot of rum and it should all be solid between me and Jobu.

      • scatterbrian - Mar 9, 2011 at 5:47 PM

        Just be sure to keep tabs on that Harris guy…

      • Old Gator - Mar 9, 2011 at 10:22 PM

        Chicken feet, that is, dipped in chicken blood. Bring Chase over here and I’ll be happy to have our neighbor over the back fence, who is a Santera, arrange the ceremony. He could also arrange to bless the rotator cuffs of your starting rotation and the eyesight of your 2-3-4 hitters. Of course, if for some mysterious reason an inexplicable swoon should sweep the Feelies this season and enable the Feesh to snatch the wild card, this ceremony would have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Nothing at all.

  6. Old Gator - Mar 9, 2011 at 10:17 PM

    It’s Jobu. Our Santeria neighbor over the back fence used to open his cockfights by sacrificing a cabrito to him. We asked him nicely to make sure, of course, that it’s not an Indonesian cabrito carrying the prion-vectored brain disease die Vloek van der Geitbok, which has ravaged the north side of Chicago. We don’t even want its Bartman mutation down here.

    • cur68 - Mar 9, 2011 at 10:28 PM

      godalmighty, what in hell is die Vloek van der Geitbok and can it infect beavers? Speaking of which I saw one today. No, no the rodent kind, alas. A youngster, out and about on the snow and ice getting food. Young fella probably hadn’t done enough larder stocking over the summer and woke up hungry. The now twice re-named Jobu says ‘hola’.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 10, 2011 at 12:04 AM

        I initially thought you were saying that you saw an infected beaver—and that would certainly raise the “ick” factor.

      • Old Gator - Mar 10, 2011 at 12:11 AM

        A beaver infected with die Vloek van der Geitbok would be a dire beaver indeed. Just across the street from Wrigley, to the southwest, is a greasy spatula joint that boldly advertises horsemeat and velveeta sandwiches on its wall facing the stadium. Infected beaver eats that stuff. Stay out of there.

  7. livingthesheen - Mar 10, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    Good luck trying to be like a super hero..See all Charlie Sheen’s winning quotes at

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