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Bud Selig creates a committee to find the origins of baseball

Mar 15, 2011, 11:35 AM EDT

Bud Selig defiant

I haven’t seen the press release yet, but Gordon Edes reports that Bud Selig has announced the formation of a committee that will study the origins of the game of baseball.  On the committee: Baseball historian John Thorn, noted plagiarist Doris Kearns Goodwin, and sepia tycoon Ken Burns.

I don’t want to make rash predictions, but my guess is that with this crowd running things it will be determined that baseball was invented by Carl Yastrzemski and Ted Williams some time in the mid-1960s. And the text of the report will be lifted in its entirety from A Time to Remember by Rose Kennedy.

Ah well, probably doesn’t matter anyway. This is a Bud Selig-created committee.  The same Bud Selig who last year was either so ignorant or so unwilling to ruffle feathers that he said that he believed Abner Doubleday invented the game, and everyone knows that’s a bunch of malarkey.  And given his track record with committees, we won’t have any results out of this thing until sometime in the spring of 2025.

Personally speaking I’m opposed to the search for the origins of baseball.  I believe in baseball Creationism. The game is too orderly to have simply evolved. A man can throw a ball that curves?  You can’t explain that!

UPDATE: Oh, one more thing: before Bud Selig unleashes his committee, perhaps he’d be well-served to watch the movie — that was produced by itself about the origins of baseball.  I watched at the SABR convention back in 2008.  It was pretty good! Sort of defeats the purpose of the committee too!

  1. thinman61 - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    I’m going with intelligent design where baseball is concerned. Conveniently avoids the need for identifying the designer.

  2. fivetoolmike - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:48 AM


    • fivetoolmike - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:49 AM

      I see “plagerist” used elsewhere…but I don’t think that’s actually an accepted spelling.

      • kellyb9 - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:53 AM

        If you saw it elsewhere, you should have cited it.

      • Old Gator - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:52 PM

        Hey! And Vladimir Ilyanovich Lobachevsky is his name! Hey! And Vladimir Ilyanovich Lobachevsky is his name! Hey!……

  3. BC - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:55 AM

    Oh for crying out loud. Bleep the committee. Just Google it. Here’s the answer:
    So Bud Light, how about fixing the labor situation first instead, you doddering old coot?

  4. Jonny 5 - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    MORONS!! Everyone knows that Moses was given the rules of baseball along with the 10 commandments. He was so angered by the level of authority given to the Umpirius erectus he smashed the rules and the commandments in a fit of anger. At least that’s what I heard at church anyway…

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:11 PM

      I think the rules of baseball were on the third tablet that he dropped and broke.

      • BC - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:19 PM

        And on the 7th day, God created baseball. And He saw that it was good.

      • pbannard - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:25 PM

        Does that mean that the unwritten rules might actually have been written at one point?

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:12 PM

        No. The ones that were dropped were the actual rules. The unwritten ones were the ones Moses was always going to write down, but never got a chance to, what with the sea parting, the golden calf, the manna and the 40 years of wandering through the desert until he was old enough that he just plumb forgot to write them down. So let it be written…or not.

    • henryd3rd - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:32 PM

      It was not Moses! It was Joshua the stone cutter who created baseball during his spare time from cutting Pharaoh’s images into the Spinx. You remember Pharaoh the first real umpire. So let it be written so let it be done! Yul Brenner played Pharaoh in the movie version.

      Who cares who created the game? Just make sure we don’t have another strike next season.

      • Old Gator - Mar 15, 2011 at 11:56 PM

        Bullshit. Cthulhu and the eldritch Ancient Old Ones created baseball as a joke, especially the officiating. And after they got finished laughing their asses off over it, Yog Sothoth muttered, “we need a drooling imbecile as a lord over all of this mess,” so he took a shoggoth, trimmed back its nostril hairs, and lo….

  5. Andrew Zercie - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    But is it a Blue Ribbon Committee? Because those are the ones that produce results…and monorails.

  6. trevorb06 - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    I’m waiting for Selig to create a committee for committee creation. Then we’d never have anymore committees because they’d take 5 years to make and by the time they were made the problem would probably have solved itself. :-)

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:17 PM

      Bud Light would respond to you, but he’s awaiting a ruling by one of his commissions on whether or not he should respond.

  7. Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    I thought baseball was created by a pasty guy in a bathrobe with an attractive captive in a basement near Columbus, Ohio.

  8. hep3 - Mar 15, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    The most disappointing thing about Ken Burns “10th Inning” was Keith Olbermann’s commentary. By having his commentary it meant that Burns and the KO Kid had made nice nice after Olbermann ripped Burns for glaring mistakes in the first nine innings.

    As far as Doris K. Goodwin goes, don’t get me started.

    Nice committee, Bud. You got one out of three, I guess that gets you in the hall.

    • grandslamsingle - Mar 15, 2011 at 3:36 PM

      “To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.”

      Robert Copeland

  9. BC - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    Everyone knows Al Gore invented baseball.

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 4:14 PM

      So where the hell does Jim Bunning fit in?

  10. marshmallowsnake - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:24 PM

    Nice pic of Selig doing his best Osama impersonation…

  11. Andrew - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    Baseball was created during Biblical times. Proof is in Genesis 1:1.

    “In the big inning…”

  12. BC - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    They need to form a committee to find Bud Light’s brain. Seems like he left it in an airport or something.

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:55 PM

      It was removed through that spot covered up by the Band-Aid on his chin in the photo up there.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 1:57 PM

        Where the hell is my brain? The Band-Aid ison his forehead—which makes my snark make more sense. Then again, it’s Bud Light, so he may have cut his forehead while shaving.

      • BC - Mar 15, 2011 at 2:55 PM

        No, I think the band-aid is actually just covering up the USB port that he uses to fill his head with useless ideas.

  13. cur68 - Mar 15, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    So Bud Lame is looking into the origins of baseball, huh? Well I wish him luck widdat. While he’s at it, I hope he can sort out the moon landings, Trump’s hair and where the sphinx’s nose got to. All are questions of equal import and well worth BuSel’s time setting up committees etc.

    • Utley's Hair - Mar 15, 2011 at 3:10 PM

      Trump had the Sphinx’s nose hair implanted on his head—and has the actual nose hidden in a bunker at one of his golf courses in case he needs more hair. There, that’s two of them.

  14. seeingwhatsticks - Mar 15, 2011 at 4:56 PM

    Sometimes it really seems like Bud and Bettman are engaged in a race to the bottom.

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