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You’ll be shocked to hear that Adrian Gonzalez and the Red Sox are making progress on a deal

Mar 23, 2011, 9:25 AM EDT

Newly acquired Boston Red Sox player Adrian Gonzalez smiles during a news conference at Fenway Park in Boston

It’s cute how we’re still pretending that Theo Epstein — after getting a negotiating window — traded away multiple top prospects for Adrian Gonzalez without having  a deal in place:

An afternoon meeting between the Red Sox and the representatives of first baseman Adrian Gonzalez went “really well’’ yesterday, with all signs pointing toward a long-term deal being struck in a matter of weeks, according to John Boggs, one of Gonzalez’ agents.

I picture these “negotiations” going down like the disarmament talks at the end of “Spies Like Us.”  Solemn statements to the press about the progress being made but, once the doors to the conference room are closed, they’re all in their playing Risk and drinking cocktails while shapely Russian models sit on their lap while listening to “Soul Finger” by the Bar-Kays, the ink on the deal already dry.

What, you mean you didn’t see “Spies Like Us?”  Like you had anything better to do during Christmas break 1985 but to have your mom drive you to the Smoot Theater in Parkersburg, West Virgina to see it in a double feature with “Fletch,” rounding out Chevy Chase’s single best year in cinema?

OK, I may have said too much at this point.

  1. yankeesfanlen - Mar 23, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    Are they going to drive him around with dealer plates for the next six months?

  2. phukyouk - Mar 23, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    Craig – is this what you are talking about?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spies_Reminiscent_of_Us

  3. JB (the original) - Mar 23, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    Awe yes, Spies Like Us.

  4. churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Mar 23, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Austin Millbarge: Show some balls, man!
    Emmett Fitz-Hume: I think it’s too late to try and impress them.

  5. JB (the original) - Mar 23, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    It makes me feel old, seeing how young these guys look, and knowing I saw this in the theater when it came out.

  6. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Mar 23, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    I’ll be interested to see what happens if he gets hurt during the first week or two. Amazing how Theo has not shown one ounce of willingness to take on risk for his players, but he expects AG to wait on his contract so Theo can dodge the luxury tax.

  7. marshmallowsnake - Mar 23, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    Dead horse here…we all know they have the extension in place.

  8. jasonc2300 - Mar 23, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    Doctor, doctor…glad I’m not sick!

  9. stichey - Mar 23, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    We can also thank the “cinematic marvel” that is Spies Like Us for introducing the world to the stunning Vanessa Angel – later seen in the movie Kingpin while also being the only real reason to watch the television version of Weird Science. When she exited the tent in Spies Like Us wearing an outfit woefully inaprorpiate for the weather, it was truly a revelation.

  10. royhobbs39 - Mar 23, 2011 at 2:35 PM

    Craig, I may have been in that Parkersburg theatre with you. Me, my brother, and my grandfather. I was a little young…some of the jokes went over my head. I do remember Gramps catching some flack for taking two kids to see a Chevy Chase movie. But not as much as when she found out that he had taken us to see “To Live and Die in LA” the day before….

  11. monsieurbear - Mar 23, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    MLB should void the deal as not in the best interest of baseball as evidenced by the parties’ sham negotiations.

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