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For the players, Miami is a “girlfriend city”

Mar 29, 2011, 3:00 PM EDT

Miami

I was gone yesterday afternoon so I wasn’t following the blow-by-blow of the Bonds trial. By missing it, though, I missed a doozy.  In case you missed it too, know this: to players on road trips, there are “wife cities” and there are “girlfriend cities.”

This came up during Kimberly Bell’s testimony, in which she said that Bonds told her about the idea. Bonds would know too, seeing as though he dated Bell through parts of two separate marriages. During her cross examination, Bell said that Miami was a “girlfriend city.”, so she’d rendezvous with Barry there and other girlfriend cities.

Quite the concept.  Maybe it explains why the Braves always seem to play so flat against the Marlins on the road!

I’d love to have a list of all major league cities and have them rated for wife or girlfriend-friendliness.  And in case you think I’d use such information for player-stalking purposes, I should say that I’m more interested in the criteria for categorization than anything else.  Based on Miami being for the girlfriends I’d assume that a hot night life is important for that, but there has to be more to it.  Like, which way does good shopping cut?  And does the entire breakdown of the cities give us any idea as to whether cheating players have more contempt for the wives they betray or their girlfriends they use?

Put differently, who gets stuck with Cincinnati?

  1. SmackSaw - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    New York, Chicago and Atlanta – Wife

    San Diego, Houston and Miami – Girlfriend

    • solidzac - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:48 PM

      New York seems much more like a girlfriend city, right? Not only the nightlife, but the high sales tax means you likely wouldn’t want to take your wife shopping here unless you couldn’t help it. A girlfriend you’re trying to impress, though, is a different story. I suppose all the tourist attractions could be seen as prime locations to bring the family, but on the other hand you have people like Cliff Lee’s wife who consider the whole place profane.

      • markfrednubble - Mar 29, 2011 at 8:17 PM

        See, I think NY is a wife city because of the paparazzi. You don’t want to get seen with your girlfriend out on the town.

        I once heard a variation on this from an insider: family road trips. They would pick a couple trips a year that were safe to bring wives and kids, and the girlfriends of married players universally stayed away during these trips. If a wife showed up on a non-family trip, her husband would catch hell in the locker room. They didn’t want wives seeing anything and reporting back to other wives.

  2. The Common Man/www.platoonadvantage.com - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    Minneapolis/St. Paul is definitely a wife city. Sure, the women are hot and Scandinavian, but they make you meet their dad first.

    • wintwins - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:55 PM

      Not to mention no sales tax on clothing. Wife city for sure.

  3. The Common Man/www.platoonadvantage.com - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    Tampa/St. Pete, wife city. She takes the kids to DisneyWorld during the day, comes back for the games at night.

  4. The Common Man/www.platoonadvantage.com - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    Craig, is Cleveland a stay in your room curled in a fetal position and refuse to leave the hotel city?

    • addictedzone - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:57 PM

      It is according to Joakim Noah

      • Bob Timmermann - Mar 29, 2011 at 5:25 PM

        That is the only thing I would have in common with Joakim Noah. Craig saw my meltdown in Cleveland in person.

  5. The Common Man/www.platoonadvantage.com - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:36 PM

    Having just got back from Phoenix, I declare: Total girlfriend city.

  6. Old Gator - Mar 29, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    I dunno. Macondo has always seemed like a wife city to me. But then, I’ve been married so long that the last girlfriend city I can remember visiting was Atlantis.

    • APBA Guy - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:02 PM

      How could someone not “like” the above comment and not leave a reason?

      • Jonny 5 - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:18 PM

        Get used to it. Don’t look now but it just happened to you….

  7. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    Gays can’t marry, but Barry and hundreds of other players can pull crap like this and ruin the honor and respect of a marriage.

    Any player who does this makes me sick, period.

    • Jonny 5 - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:16 PM

      Don’t hate the player, hate the game!!!!

      Oh wait, wrong context huh?? Damn!

    • Old Gator - Mar 29, 2011 at 11:56 PM

      And when gays can marry, the Pope won’t let them divorce. They can’t win.

  8. evanhartford - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    Craig, GREAT article.

    I think its important to note that the “Girlfriend” cities and “wife” cities have to be different for each team. I mean, the NYY aren’t hitting up Milwaukee on a regular basis so they probably don’t have a classification for it. For the record, Milwaukee is definitely a “girlfriend” city simply because no baseball wife would suspect anything happens there.

  9. sumerduckman - Mar 29, 2011 at 4:55 PM

    Washington D.C.? Weasel City! Don’t take wife or girlfriend.

  10. Chipmaker - Mar 29, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    Do the youngsters have to take special consultation with the veterans when interleague play rolls around? A city they visit only once every three to five seasons, that could easily lead to grave missteps in this whole wife/girlfriend protocol.

    • jwbiii - Mar 29, 2011 at 5:09 PM

      What do you think “veteran leadership” means?

  11. jwbiii - Mar 29, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    who gets stuck with Cincinnati?Do you think a wife or a girlfriend would respond better to “Hey, babe, how about a five way after the game?”

  12. mgflolox - Mar 29, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    I think you all should be a little more careful with the smug, self-righteous put-downs of pro athletes infidelity. I’ve been married for 18 years, and I can say with complete honesty that I have never been unfaithful to my wife. On the other hand, I haven’t exactly had women throwing themselves at me everywhere I go, and I would bet that none of you have either. It’s pretty damned easy to resist temptation when you’re never tempted in the first place. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, but I think makes all of us supremely unqualified to pass judgment on any of these guys.

  13. hotkarlsandwich - Mar 29, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    Kansas City is Cow Town

  14. macjacmccoy - Mar 30, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Its probably different for each guy depending on who he married. Like say a guy marries a young party girl but was dating a country girl well maybe then he would meet his wife in Miami and his girl friend in Kansas City. While it would be the exact opposite for someone else who married the country girl and was dating the partier.

    Personally if it was me I would leave them both at home and look for a snow bunny mistress in Milwaukee.

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