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Roger Clemens is looking forward to his day in court

Mar 30, 2011, 5:33 PM EDT

Roger Clemens

I once had an argument with my colleagues at the law firm about the public relations tack to take with a criminal client. I told them that the whole “our client is looking forward to his day in court” stuff was tired and no one ever bought it.  Better to say nothing or to come up with something new at least, I argued, because that old line was pretty close to saying “man, our dude is guilty, but maybe we can sucker 12 rubes who don’t read the newspapers into going all O.J.-jury on us!”

Of course, because I was a peon, I was told to go back to reviewing documents.  They used the old reliable statement. Our client was found guilty. A better statement wouldn’t have changed that, but at least it would have been more fun.

Anyway, I had this in mind when I heard Roger Clemens’ latest statement about his upcoming trial:

“You almost hate to say you’re looking forward to it, but we’re looking forward to it … We’re going to have our say in a fair setting. I’ve been great about not talking about it, and we’re going to handle it the right way. You’ve got to deal with it, and that’s the way I look at it: We’re going to deal with it.”

It’s not too different, but at least that’s better than the straight stock answer.

I gotta tell ya, though, that whole “we’re going to have our say in a fair setting” thing is funny. Take yourself back to late 2007/early 2008, and remember that the stuff that got Roger Clemens in the most trouble — the stuff that truly set this whole insane business off — was Clemens speaking in decidedly unfair settings. Unfair in his favor.

He gave press conferences orchestrated by his lawyer. He did 60 minutes with a strangely softball-throwing Mike Wallace. He issued reports that spun his career achievements in the most ridiculous ways.  The net result of all of that was an invitation to a Congressional hearing that never would have happened had he not blustered forth so stridently, and in which his own public statements were used against him. Now he’s facing criminal charges.

Roger, dude: I love you man.* But given how bad your own P.R. spectacles have come back to bite you on the ass, a “fair” setting is likely to absolutely murder you.

*May not be true.

  1. aronmantoo - Mar 30, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    Is he also looking foward to jail time? everbody knows his blow ups with Piazza was roid-rage

    • stichey - Mar 30, 2011 at 7:16 PM

      If the judge, for whatever reason, breaks his gavel, you just know that Roger will ROCKET it right back at him!

  2. chrisny3 - Mar 30, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    If there’s anyone I want to see nailed by a jury more than Bonds it’s Clemens. I just hope there is real jail time given out in the likely event of a conviction.

    • purdueman - Mar 30, 2011 at 7:45 PM

      I just wish that when they sentence Clemens they could send him to the same pen that currently housing OJ; OJ I hear is looking for a new bride, and if anyone deserves to get bent over and done, it’s this lying a-hole!

  3. jamie54 - Mar 30, 2011 at 6:14 PM

    Perhaps he misremembered how downright awful he’s appeared to be.

  4. purdueman - Mar 30, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    I for one hope that this lying a-hole gets roasted, then thrown into a cell in some deep, dark, hole. What a weenie to not own up to what he obviously did in order to make more millions!

  5. dirtyharry1971 - Mar 30, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    Craig your colleagues at the law firm were 100% right and its still true today.

  6. stankfinger - Mar 31, 2011 at 12:34 AM

    Does he realize how embarrassing he looks at this point? Especially after Pettitte came clean? Clearly not.

    Deny deny deny. Hide hide hide. Lie lie lie.

  7. larryhockett - Mar 31, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    Hard to believe that any ballplayer could put himself below Barry Bonds on the public image front but Clemens has done it with ease. I think the public is somewhat lukewarm on the whole Bonds trial, meaning that most people would like to see him convicted but aren’t really invested in the outcome. And I think that’s because – shockingly – Bonds has successfully maintained a low profile and the public has moved on and the ferver over his offensiveness has waned. But Clemens can’t help himself from popping up from time to time and every time he does we’re instantly reminded what an incredible d-bag he is. I think the public is salivating over the Clemens trial much the way a crowd of 16th Century English serfs looked forward to a public beheading.

    • purdueman - Mar 31, 2011 at 1:59 PM

      larryh… I agree with you 100%. If anything, Bonds has now become a pathetic public figure whereas Clemens has really amp’ed up his persona of being a real prima donna jerk!

      I think that the vast majority of the public is at best apathetic to the Bonds trial, but it’s not the waste of public money that many are trying to portray it as being because if the government gets a successful conviction it sets legal precedent to convict Clemens and then hopefully go after Sosa and Palmeiro as well.

      Doesn’t matter if any of these liars actually serve jail time to me. In fact, I’d much rather see them sentenced to doing community service at a waste treatment plant, a county garbage dump and picking up trash along the highways. Jails too easy a way out.

  8. bobwsc - Mar 31, 2011 at 11:07 AM

    when this started, Bush was still in office and the rumor was that if he got indicted / convicted, he’d be pardoned. but since it dragged, he’s probably crapping bricks thinking that if gets convicted, he’ll be on the lookout for rockets in the prison shower.

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