Mar 31, 2011, 10:30 AM EDT
The White House and the Washington Nationals say President Barack Obama is skipping the season opener, despite a standing invitation for the first fan to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.
What is there, a war on? Oh, yeah. Well, I suppose there is.
Look, I’m going to level with you: if I were President, most of my energy in the job would be to get free crap that no one else can get. I’d be throwing out first pitches to the point where teams would start feeling awkward and trying to make excuses for me not to come. I’d be calling command performances by bands who haven’t played together in years (“Well, Mr. Biafra, I don’t care if your spoken-word tour has sold out coffee shops all over the Pacific northwest. I want you, Ray and the others setting up in the Rose Garden and playing “Holiday in Cambodia” by Friday, or else you’re all getting audited”).
Maybe this isn’t the kind of president America wants. But it’s the kind of president America needs. Because life was a lot more fun back in the 90s when our nation was preoccupied with silly b.s. most of the time and fewer people were getting bombed.
- Report: Barry Bonds loses collusion case against MLB 5
- Jessica Mendoza to sit in for Curt Schilling on Sunday Night Baseball this week 53
- And That Happened: Wednesday’s scores and highlights 78
- MLB “actively studying” fan safety; Phillies plan to expand netting at Citizens Bank Park 27
- Marlins might move in and lower the fences at Marlins Park 26
- Astros beat the suddenly skidding Yankees, top last year’s win total 30
- Curt Schilling taken off of ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball telecast this week 131
- Joe Girardi would like Carlos Gomez to “play the game right” 90
- Dan Patrick: When does ESPN cut ties with Curt Schilling? (201)
- Curt Schilling taken off of Little League World Series duty for making a really bad tweet (169)
- Curt Schilling taken off of ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball telecast this week (131)
- Phillies announcer calls Mets fans “obnoxious” (122)
- Let’s all argue about team chemistry again (118)