Apr 4, 2011, 8:23 AM EDT
It actually feels like it was a long weekend for me since I took most of Friday to head up to Cleveland and take in the Indians-White Sox on Opening Day at Progressive Field. It was not the most competitive game in baseball history. Indeed, I’m pretty sure it was 198-0 by the time I settled into my seat (note: the Indians stocked the fridge in the Indians Social Suite on Friday, so my memory of the score may be a bit … skewed).
But bad baseball is still a good thing, so I’d like to thank the Indians for having me up there. And for not revoking my tickets for inviting these guys with me up into the suite for the express purposes of causing trouble in front of team officials and visiting dignitaries. It was awkward for a while — no one likes to be accused of being an honor-free racist — but we all bonded over the fact that this Bob Feller silhouette shirt I met in a bar is pretty fantastic, so it was all good.
Here’s a bit of what else went down this weekend:
- Jim Edmonds has a beef with the Cincinnati Reds’ doctors. Hey Jim: they won’t tell you how to misplay fly balls into spectacular, reputation-making diving catches if you don’t tell them how to diagnose and treat an achilles injury, OK?
- Johnny Damon tries to bring the ol’ hook-and-ladder play to baseball and people complain about it. Haters. You’ll miss his genius when he’s gone.
- When your only chance at contention is everyone in the rotation fulfilling expectations or better, this is not good news.
- Brian Cashman, Pedro Feliciano and Abuse-Gate. File this under “stuff that no one would care about if it involved the Mariners and Brewers.”
- The Yankees allegedly cheated via hand signals and stuff. File this under “stuff no one would have even noticed if it involved the Mariners and Brewers.”
- Alfredo Simon reports to the Orioles camp. You know what the Mexicans say about Sarasota? They say it has no memory.
- Evan Longoria is the 1000th player to suffer from an oblique injury this spring, so he wins a prize.
- If you’re going to risk your job to insert a “Family Guy” snippet into a baseball broadcast, you need to get a better bang for your buck than this. And actually, you may as well just go all-out and insert an “Archer” snippet.
I mean, really: this is like O. Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby and named it “this exact situation”.
- 2014 Trade Deadline Tracker 19
- Red Sox trade John Lackey to Cardinals for Allen Craig and Joe Kelly 81
- The Lester trade is a win-win 109
- BLOCKBUSTER: Jon Lester and Jonny Gomes heading to Oakland for Yoenis Cespedes 163
- The State of the Trade Deadline: Yesterday was pretty sleepy. Will general managers wake up today? 40
- Cardinals acquire Justin Masterson from Indians 49
- There’s a “very good chance” the Red Sox trade Lackey and Lester 53
- Hey, Rube: Phillies pay dearly for Amaro’s misguided loyalty 92
- Expert’s Corner: How to troll fans of all 30 teams (201)
- “Caucasians” t-shirts are hot sellers on Canadian Indian reservations (199)
- BLOCKBUSTER: Jon Lester and Jonny Gomes heading to Oakland for Yoenis Cespedes (163)
- Rangers’ retirement gifts for Derek Jeter: Yankees cowboy boots, signed George W. Bush photo (123)
- The Lester trade is a win-win (109)